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CHAPTER TWO

ELENA

Walking through the apartment, I am no longer able to ignore the heaviness of the guilt filling my chest. My gait slows, and I pace outside Victoria’s office door, drawing her attention as I try to find my words.

“Yes, Elena?” The curiosity of her tone carries into the hall. She understands me better than anyone I’ve ever known, often knowing when something is bothering me before I do. The two of us have always been open with each other; it’s one of the many reasons I love her. We share everything—our fears, our dreams, our desires—and we don’t keep secrets from each other. Except this. I’m struggling to confess this one… The thoughts lingering in the back of my mind actually have me a little concerned that I’m going to tarnish the beautiful life we’ve built together over the past three years.

As I step over the threshold, I’m momentarily blinded by the sun shining through the window. It casts a warm, golden light across the room, lighting a path as I walk toward Victoria’s desk. My nostrils fill with the rich aroma of the coffee she’s sipping from her leather office chair as I take a deep breath. She stares back at me over the cup as she lowers it from her lips. Pushing her chair back from the desk and tapping her thigh, she instructs, “Come, tell me what’s on your mind, sweet girl.”

“Vic,” I choke, my voice betraying the nerves I am trying desperately to hide, as I take her offer. She stares back at me with understanding eyes, and I fidget nervously with the hem of my skirt, trying to find the nerve to admit my confession. One I should have made weeks ago.

Her perfectly manicured nails and soft fingertips dust along my jaw, cupping my chin when she reaches it. Using her light hold, she demands my tentative gaze. “No secrets.”

After taking a deep breath, I exhale, “I’ve been thinking about something.”

“Clearly, sweet girl.” Victoria smiles at me, with an expression I can’t quite discern. She sets her coffee cup on the desk before us and slips her other hand over my hip, pulling me into her. “What’s on your mind?”

I hesitate for a moment, but I can’t ignore this thing I’ve been feeling or harbor the guilt it’s causing me any longer. “I’ve been thinking about something… Something that I wasn’t expecting… That might surprise you.” My voice is shakier than I was I hoping, clearly showing my nerves.

Vic’s brow furrows slightly, and she squeezes my hip. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

I give a timid nod and a small smile, trying to reassure us both. “I know. I just… I don’t… I don’t know how you’ll feel about this.”

“Just say it,” she encourages gently.

Slipping my hand over hers, I lace our fingers together. It’s a feeble attempt to hold on to her, knowing what I need to say might break us. “I miss being with men, Madame.”

The weight of my words hangs in the air between us, leaving the room suddenly feeling too small—suffocating. I knew Victoria would be surprised, but her silence and complete lack of reaction are terrifying. Her confident demeanor doesn’t break in the slightest, and her husky voice finally slices through the silence. “What are you asking for?”

Not expecting her reaction, I try to find the right way to explain myself. Instead, I ramble, “We both know that we’re attracted to men as well as women… And I’m not saying I want to leave you or that I’m unhappy with us. I just... I feel like I put that part of me in a box when I started seeing you. But lately, I’ve been feeling this pull… A need. And I don’t want to hide it from you.”

Victoria takes a takes a long, slow inhale, her fingers tightening around mine comfortingly—immediately relieving the panic I’ve been putting myself into over my confession. She isn’t angry. She is quiet and processing, trying to make sense of what I just shared.

“I’m not willing to risk losing you, Elena,” Vic softly informs. “But I also understand what you’re trying to say. I’m not opposed to what you’re asking, but I need to make sure it doesn’t change what we have.”

She’s trying to hide it, but the uncharacteristic vulnerability in her voice causes my heart to ache. The thought of hurting her—or worse, losing her—tears at me, but I couldn’t ignore these feelings any longer. I love her far too much to hide this part of me from her—the part yearning for something that no matter how hard she tries, she can’t give me.

“You are everything to me, Vic. The last thing I want is to lose you,” I profess, my voice thick with emotion. “But I need to be honest with you about who I am and what I want. I love you, and I want to be with you… But I want you to share me with a man?—”

“You mean… You aren’t looking to date a man while we’re together?” Vic interrupts, her tone laced with confusion.

“No,” I exhale, vehemently shaking my head. Shit! I fucked this up… “I am one hundred percent committed to us and what we have! I’m not asking you to open our relationship. I’m not looking for another partner. I just… Sex. I want sex with a big fucking guy that can throw me around and overpower me.”

“Tell me how you really feel.” Vic chuckles at my admission, and a heated flush flares over my cheeks.

“I love you, and I want to keep being with you.” I squeeze her hands and press my forehead to hers. “And if you say no, I understand, Madame. And I’ll figure out how to be okay with that. Because you are worth far more to me than what I’m asking for.”

Vic presses her soft lips against mine with a gentle, lingering kiss. When she pulls back, her breath wisps over my lower lip. “I appreciate you being so open and honest with me, sweet girl. I’m open to giving you what you asked for.”

“Is that a yes?” I blurt with an arched brow.

“I’ll do anything for you,” Vic responds with a smile, pressing her lips back to mine. “Usually, I’d want more time to find a suitable partner”—Vic pauses to draw my attention to the open email on her laptop—“but it appears fate was on your side with this one. I know just who I would enjoy sharing you with.”