Page 100 of Shameless Vows

Elle sighs long and loudly, and then Colin tickles her ribs, causing her to flinch and giggle as she squirms away from him. She glowers at all of us before turning and saucily sauntering to the counter. “Fine.”

Colin claps his hands together. “Yes. Vegas honeymoon sex, here I come.”

Malachi chuckles against the side of my head. “Come, indeed.”

The two grooms-to-be share another laugh, and Lili scoffs.

“Gross.” She huffs loudly as she glances at her phone. “Where’s Joaquin anyway? He said he would meet us here.”

“I haven’t seen him since we were at breakfast, and he appeared to be pounding bloody marys before leaving the restaurant,” Malachi supplies with another laugh. “When in Rome is about right. I would not be surprisednoroffended if he’s passed out in his room right now.”

“Well,Iwould, because if I have to endure this, he has to endure it with me,” Lili mumbles as she lifts her phone to her ear.

It seems like pure coincidence that a phone starts ringing from behind the small sanctuary’s door, butthenJoaquin’s voice carries from the same direction.

“Hey, gimme a minute,” he clips with a hint of a slur in his words, “I’m in the middle of somethin’.”

I feel my eyes stretch wide just as Lili’s jaw opens in shock, and she drops the phone back in her tiny purse.

“There’sno way…” she says, pushing off the bench to march across the lobby, and I break away from Malachi to follow her to the sanctuary door.

But sure enough, when she throws the door open, there’s my baby brother, down at the altar, dressed in a black suit, sans tie, arms wrapped around the waist of an ebony-haired bombshell in a bright red dress.

“And by the power vested in me by the State of Nevada,” an Elvis impersonator is in the middle of saying, and Lili and I practically suck the oxygen out of the small chapel, “I pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride.”

And then, with total drunken gusto, Joaquin dips the woman I’ve never seen before, and plants a long, deep kiss on her ruby red mouth.

“Joaquin!” I can’t help snapping at them while they’re still mid-smooch. “¿Estas loco?”

He flippantly waves his hand at me like he’s shooing me away and keeps kissing her while a pipe organ recording of the traditional wedding recessional blares from crackling speakers.

Lili clasps her hand over her mouth and snorts before exploding into laughter. “Papá te va a matar.”

Yes, Papá isdefinitelygoing to kill him.