Page 23

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The tickling touch of a spice-scented blanket brushed under my nose. It was something that bothered me more than the annoying, indistinguishable murmuring in the air surrounding me. The cologne was, to put it nicely, a lot, and I suspected it was strategically placed near me to ensure consciousness.

“Oh no,” Miles’s exclamation cut through the other voices. He was sitting to my left. “She’s waking up. It’s too early yet.”

So, perhaps, this was not a deliberate attempt to sabotage my sleep.

“She’s going to be grumpy,” he continued, this time further away. “Julian, you deal with it.”

“Don’t be such a baby.” Julian was at my right. The bed bounced as they moved, oblivious to my attempts to ignore them in my quest to return to my much-desired slumber. I didn’t recall why I was so tired, but I was enjoying my nap.

Having very intrusive friends, sometimes, was the worst.

“It’s not all that bad,” Julian continued, and a lamp was turned on. “You just need to know how to do it properly. ”

The light was impossible to block, and I groaned, burrowing under the blankets.

I was going to kill him.

I lowered the foul-smelling blanket to my nose with a growl and glared at him. In response, Julian was blinking down at me, wearing an expression of concern despite the lightness of his voice.

I narrowed my eyes. How dare he presume to—

“You’re awake,” he said. And, suddenly, my malice was drowned under the force of his smile, and my body felt weightless. “I’m so glad.”

Why. Why…

Why was I angry again?

Then the events prior to my sleep slammed into me like a punch, and I sat up so quickly that my head spun. The world swayed as I panicked, pressing myself against the headboard.

Everything that happened—the dream that wasn’t a dream. And there was no doubt, from the aches and pains moving over me, that it’d been real. This time, I was back in Damen’s room again, and the atmosphere was much different than before.

Damen was sitting at the bottom of the bed and, even now, was still without a shirt. His arms were crossed in a way that inadvertently showed the crimson mark on his chest.

Titus stood near the door, quiet and statue-like. His gaze briefly lingered on me before his nose twitched, and a muscle in his jaw tightened, as his stewardship drifted elsewhere. It almost appeared as though he was guarding the room, and I wondered what he was protecting us from.

And then there was Miles, standing beside the bed. His post to my left was still warm. He’d changed since the fight, and, upon seeing my attention on him, cautiously returned to his abandoned seat .

“Hey,” he said. His voice was awkward, and he touched my knee with a shaky hand. His worried demeanor made me wonder—was he the poor soul tasked with changing me into this too-large T-shirt?

While that was embarrassing, it wasn’t as though they hadn’t seen everything already.

“Hi…” I answered. His nervousness was contagious. Did he think I was going to yell? I would never. As I looked into his sweet brown eyes, I knew I couldn’t be angry at him.

But what was this uncertain mood? Had I done something weird?

“What’s up?” I asked. Somehow, I was able to keep my voice from wavering. There were any number of things that could be wrong, and I mustn’t jump to conclusions.

“Bianca.” Julian was sitting in a chair to my right. He leaned forward and braced his elbow on his knee. “We need to talk.”

My skin grew cold, and this time, when I spoke, my voice was not so clear, “Wh-why?”

His stoic expression cracked, and, before continuing, the corner of his mouth lifted in what was meant to be a reassuring smile. “You don’t need to be worried. You’re not in trouble.”

I nodded, squeezing the blanket closer to my chin. The horrid thing was now my lifeline as I was stranded in this room with such serious, apprehensive boys.

His attention moved toward my chest. “How long have you had that mark?”

“It’s…” My throat went dry. I pressed my wrists together, and my shoulders drew toward my ears. “It’s my birthmark.”

Julian nodded. “You were born with it?”

That was… the definition of a birthmark. “Yeah…”

His dark brows drew together in perplexed confusion. “How old are you? ”

They already knew this; we’d talked about it before.

“Eighteen,” I answered him anyway. “I’ll be nineteen on October thirteenth.”

Then he asked a question that made my teeth clench. “Where were you born?”

“I—” I stared at him. Why did it matter? “I don’t know.”

Julian’s lips turned down. “How did you end up in foster care?”

Oh no.

I bit my lip as the stinging pain of the lie racked through me. “I-I don’t know,” I gritted through my ground teeth.

“ Were you in foster care?” Julian narrowed his eyes, keen gaze not moving from my mouth.

“It…” I clenched my jaw again. Again, what did it matter? “It was like an orphanage.”

Julian paused, glancing back at Damen and then Titus as the three of them exchanged a look. I wasn’t sure what it meant, but the resulting chill was enough to send a shiver down my spine.

Julian reached for my left hand and held it. “What are your parent’s names? The ones who adopted you.”

“Why—” I began, but Julian interrupted me.

“Because they know Finn, and they clearly know of this world,” he answered, pointing out my own past realizations. Still, even though I’d had time to ruminate on this, that didn’t make the betrayal hurt any less. “You could be in danger. We need to know their names.”

I wasn’t so sure what could be so dangerous about a homemaker and a computer scientist.

“A-Abigail and Jonathon Grier,” I answered, barely loud enough for my own ears to pick up. It almost hurt to tell him. It felt like I was betraying them in some final way.

It didn’t make any sense .

Miles stopped petting my knee, and I looked at him. His face was ashen and tight. “Grier?”

How did he know them? And there was no way he didn’t, not by that reaction.

“They are Officers.” Damen pinched the bridge of his nose. “Technically, they are part of one of the groups formed between our rebirth cycles. Officers outside of our generation are called Proxies. They become our mentors as we grow into our roles. There are two generations of Proxies. Gregory is in the Elder generation, and those around my parents’ age belong to the following group, the Paragons. Jonathon and Abigail are witches who fall into that category.”

I glanced back to Miles, who was still shocked. And I guess he had every reason to be since he was their boss. The utter betrayal he must feel.

Hopefully he wouldn’t punish them too harshly.

Although—I squeezed my knees together—why did I also wish that he would?

The full meaning probably hadn’t hit me yet, though, because I could not imagine either of them doing magic.

I touched Miles’s arm as I spoke. How conflicted he must be. “Just so you know, they’re terrible witches. I’ve never seen them do magic. In fact, my mother sleeps right through the full moon.”

I couldn’t think of anything else that might be important in practice.

Miles lowered his hand from his face. “Why would…” Then he met my eyes, and his brief posturing faded. “Never mind,” he grumbled.

“And they really don’t like the supernatural,” I added, looking at the others. They had to have made a mistake—there was no way that my parents were Proxies. “That’s one reason why I’ve been hiding my abilities. The medication was bad enough. I— ”

“What medication?” Julian’s response was so swift that I almost suffered whiplash. Before I could brace myself, he was in front of me, holding my chin as his gaze moved worriedly over my face. “Is something wrong?”

“I…” I stared at him—why did he look frazzled? “I’m not normal, remember. Because I can see ghosts. I think the medicine was supposed to make me better.”

“Better?” Julian’s deepening frown chilled the air. “But there’s nothing wrong with you!”

“Right…” I mumbled, embarrassed. “Well, anyway, I’ve been weaning myself off since I turned eighteen.”

My stomach turned uneasy. Finn knew that I’d stopped, and he’d been very upset.

Why did he care so much?

“What is the medication?” Julian asked, stepping back. “Do you still have it?”

I glanced towards the door. “There’s still a bottle in my purse—” Before I could complete my sentence, Titus had already turned and left the room.

I looked after him before Julian reclaimed my attention. He pressed his finger to my bottom lip, preventing me from biting myself, before he asked, “Who knows about this medication?”

“They…” Why did they look so serious? “My parents, my doctor… Finn.”

“Finn knows?” Julian asked, and the room grew even icier. “How did he get involved?”

“It started after I woke up in the hospital after… everything.” My skin was flush with heat, and my cheeks had to be bright red. I couldn’t look at any of them. “My parents like him and we were friends. Once he got his driver’s license, he took me to my weekly appointments. He can be very nosy.” I looked pointedly toward Damen. They were somewhat alike in this regard .

“You have to go to the doctor every week?” Julian repeated. “For what?”

“They…” A vitriol of hostility turned in my stomach, and my teeth clenched. “They want me to talk, but I won’t give in.”

“Talk about what?” His words echoed through my head.

The knot exploded through my chest in a surge of electricity, and I glared at him. “Nothing!” I growled. Why couldn’t people leave this well enough alone? “I’m fine!”

“Bianca…” Julian’s voice was a soothing calm over my misplaced anger. “There’s no reason to be upset. We won’t let anyone hurt you.”

He didn’t know what he was talking about. But, upon seeing the sincerity in his features, I could tell that he believed in his own words at least.

“Sure…” I remained unconvinced. My thoughts raced to distract him, to latch on to any other topic. “What’s so important about the marks?”

There was a short silence, or maybe it was the suffocating muffling in my ears, before it was broken by Julian’s defeated sigh. I looked to my knees as his, and Miles’s, shadows dropped from the peripheral of my vision, and Damen moved into the space. He sat, leg crossed in front of him, as he faced me.

He didn’t speak at first, though, and instead took my right hand and held it in his. I did not fight back as he held my fingers and allowed my touch to graze across his chest.

“Do you feel this?” he asked as a vibrating hum gathered in the palm of my hand. With every passing second, it grew stronger, moving steadily down my arms in a slow-moving current. My skin grew hot, and a pulse radiating from my own mark began to match to his.

I caught his waiting gaze, yet I couldn’t seem to respond.

However, he didn’t need words. “This happens because you’re meant to be with us,” he said. “You’re Mu—the missing member of our quintet. That mark on your chest proves it.”

Any excitement I started to feel was instantly squashed. It would be too easy to wish for that to be true, but it was also a terrifying thought.

I believed I’d finally found friends as Bianca. Not because of this thing I hardly understood.

I leaned back, bracing myself, and I lowered my hands over my blanket-covered knees.

“Oh.” I forced myself to smile. My anxiety was causing my thoughts to tumble as the pressure surmounted, and the last of my waning confidence vanished. Even if what Damen said was true, I would never be able to measure up to them. “That explains a lot.”

“Why are you upset?” Damen asked.

I shrugged. It was just another blow to deal with, another challenge.

Titus had returned, standing at the foot of the bed, and I could feel everyone paying full attention to me, gauging my reaction.

What did they want me to do?

This wasn’t what I wanted.

“I need to go to the bathroom.” The walls were closing in around me, and I fought to ignore the pounding in my ears as I pushed the thick blanket off my legs. They all stepped forward, but I ignored them, dodging their attempts to help me stand.

The light was growing dim, and it wasn’t until I padded across the plush rugs and closed the door behind me that I was able to breathe again.

They had no choice but to like me. I was only a replacement Bailey—the one they’d lost. Bianca didn’t matter at all.

I knew they were talking about me, and I couldn’t blame them.

However, what was frustrating was that, even though I was only a few feet away from the conversation, a door separated us. Without visual cues or context, I could not make out a single word.

But I wouldn’t have been able to focus on their words. It was hard to think. I wanted to be angry. My life had changed so quickly.

It was too much. I just wanted to be left alone.

And I was scared.

I pushed my back to the door and pulled my knees against my chest as I squeezed my eyes shut. My head hurt, a pain that was growing more pronounced with every shaking inhale. I didn’t know anything about the fae or this world. But I did know that Damen and the others were important, which, apparently, made me important too. But they’d be disappointed.

They’d hate me.

My temples throbbed. I wasn’t ready.

I curled my toes over the cold tile. There was a growing restlessness humming through my body. Panic, fear. The emotions roared through my thoughts, screaming when, externally, I couldn’t utter a single sound. Something loud was crashing around me, growing louder and louder.

But I couldn’t move.

“Bianca!” The door was ripped open as my sanctuary was invaded, and I turned to face the one who’d interrupted my solitude.

Our eyes briefly met—a fierce emerald speckled with crimson—before the looming, giant man came forward. I couldn’t escape before Titus snatched me to him with a surprising gentleness, and I was instantly cloaked in his embrace .

I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t scared. I couldn’t even focus on the retreating chaos that’d taken over my thoughts.

What was wrong with me?

“Stop,” he said, and even though it was very strange, with that order, my senses dropped into abrupt nothingness.

“It’s okay now,” he continued. A blank calm surrounded me, chasing away the turmoil, and he stepped back into the bedroom. I remained stunned.

However, even though my internal world had been struck numb, my outside environment was anything but quiet.

We’d moved back to the bed, and I could finally see the aftermath left behind. The bathroom door had been ripped from the hinges, but what drew my focus was the shattered glassware and ripped linens scattered into ruins between both spaces. The damage was centered exactly where I’d been sitting.

What happened?

“Are you feeling better?” Julian asked as he touched my forehead. Somehow, without understanding the mechanics, I knew that the mess was my fault.

“Sorry… it…” I looked to Damen, who was surveying the scene alongside Miles. “It was an accident.”

Damen turned to me, ignoring his broken things, and lifted a brow.

“I know that.” He sounded as though I’d said something obvious. Then he crossed the empty space between us, expression straight and serious. “Why are you afraid?”

I pulled back at the question.

“It’s expected that you might be surprised, and maybe even angry. This is life-changing news, after all,” Damen explained. “But this is an unexpected reaction. Why are you afraid?”

“I…” Now that my thoughts had quieted, and the air was no longer screaming in my ears, I couldn’t remember. The helpless fe eling that’d surrounded me had been shoved into the recesses of my memories. “I don’t know.”

Damen frowned. “Then what’s wrong?”

Admitting this was a vulnerability, but I was also too self-conscious to pretend it didn’t matter.

“We’re friends, right?” I asked, trying to ignore the way Titus’s breath hitched at my question. Did that mean he felt guilty? “Would we still be friends even if… we didn’t share this?”

Did that make any sense?

Damen’s shoulders slumped, and my heart sank. I’d disappointed him. “Bianca, do you think we only like you because you’re Mu?”

I know, it sounded so vain, but it was true. I nodded.

Damen groaned and pressed his hands over his eyes. “You realize we’ve had the same fears about you?”

“What?” I asked, trying to sit up. However, Titus’s hold around me remained solid, and I could not escape. I wanted to glare at him, at all of them, but couldn’t. So Damen remained the sole object of my furious attention.

“That’s not true!” I told him. How dare he question my integrity. “I didn’t even know anything about you when we became friends!”

Damen pressed his lips together and inclined his head in my direction. His meaning was clear, the answer was written plain as day on his expectant expression: Same to you .

“But it’s not the same!” I argued. What was that smug look? “I like you four because you’re good, kind people. If you weren’t the Xing, or if you had no abilities at all, it wouldn’t change how I feel.”

It wasn’t the same because I wasn’t nearly as cool as they were .

“So, you’d still be my friend even if I wasn’t an onmyoji?” Damen asked.

I still had no idea what the heck that even was, so, “Yeah!”

Titus finally released me, and I moved to stand in front of Damen. His stupid smirk was really starting to annoy me. How dare he be so infuriating during such a grievous time?

“I don’t care what everyone else thinks,” I said, pointing at him. “Just don’t let it get to your head. The only thing that matters to me is your heart.”

He uncrossed his arms as he stepped closer, drawing my attention to the tattoo on his arm. Dark rick-colored flames curled over his left bicep, stretching across his pectorals toward his heart. Considering everything, the design was obviously meant to showcase the mark on his chest.

Damen clearly took pride in his position.

“And now you know,” he said, pushing his finger to my forehead. “Why we like you.”

“Oh. Okay.” A quiet followed as his words sunk in, and I stepped back until the back of my knees touched the bed and sat as I pressed my hand to the place he’d touched. I’d expected him to respond with some embarrassing language or another lecture.

Not by using my own words against me. How infuriating.

“Are you feeling better?” Damen’s words tumbled through my strangely hollow thoughts, and I nodded.

How dare he out-maneuver me. Again.

“Are you ready to hear about today’s plan?” he asked.

“Sure.” I remained shell-shocked by this sudden change in pace and the fact that he had a plan.

This was strangely disconcerting.

“Julian,” he said, pointing to him. Julian, in turn, glanced up. He’d retreated across the room and was studying the familiar orange bottle with a furious expression. “Is going to be looking into your medication. When we have a definitive answer about what’s going on, we’ll tell you.”

I suppose it made sense to leave the medical matters to the doctor-in-training, but this wasn’t a groundbreaking plan.

“You and Miles have class this morning.” And for an instant, he sounded stern. “It’s important that you go.” Yet, instead of me, his focus was on Miles. There was the tail edge of a pout upon the witch’s face.

Did Miles frequently skip classes?

“And Titus and I have to get back to our jobs,” he concluded. “We’ll start looking into some things today, including, but not limited to, the spirit that escaped us yesterday.”

“What if it attacks her at school?” Miles asked. “Maybe we should stay here.”

Damen frowned at him. “You know it wouldn’t be able to launch an attack at the school. Plus, it ran away. I have a feeling that the next confrontation will go quite differently.”

“But…” I began, unsure. He was forgetting something. I would hate to disrupt their daily schedule, but wasn’t this supposed to be a big deal? “What about…” I wasn’t sure how to explain—it wasn’t like I felt any differently—and gestured at my chest.

“We don’t tell anyone,” Damen answered instantly. “At least not yet,” he added after a short pause. “We need some answers, and we need to know who to trust. Right now, we need to continue with our daily lives as if nothing has changed.”

“What about…” I said again, and my protest faltered slightly at Damen’s serious features. “What about Bryce? Shouldn’t he know?”

I really wanted him to know. He was my officer, wasn’t he? That made him obligated to obey me. Did I still have to subjugate myself to his subpar instruction and feign subservience? How humiliating.

“Be nice to Bryce,” Damen said, frowning before he added, “for now.”

I gasped. But we were supposed to be on the same page!

“He does know a lot about biology,” Damen added, unhelpfully.

I covered my face, reeling from the utter betrayal. I’d like to know who put him in charge.

“I have greater concerns,” Damen said, pulling my hand back. “We need to talk about what happened at Aine’s house. You stopped me from exorcizing the ghost.”

“Don’t…” I began, faltering slightly as Damen cocked his head. “Don’t do it.”

“I don’t see why not,” he argued, his tone firm and his eyes stubborn. “He hurt you.”

I touched my throat and swallowed. I couldn’t fully explain why this was so important yet. Besides, didn’t he say he trusted my instincts?

“I’m still asking.” I had no real reason to make this request, only a feeling I couldn’t ignore. “Please.”

Damen’s shoulders dropped as he looked away, abashed. “Fine,” he said, petulance bleeding through his voice. “I’ll listen for now, but I’m not going to be happy about it.”

The other three men stared at him, and there was a tense undercurrent in the atmosphere that made me think that Damen might like to do things his own way. But that was okay; there was nothing wrong with learning to work together.

And I was very, very grateful.

“Thank you,” I said, grasping his hands before he could sulk. He stared at me, and I almost couldn’t believe he’d given in. “Thank you so much! ”

Damen stilled, stunned, for a breath, before looking at me. His aplomb demeanor cracked as the barest hint of surprise flickered in his eyes. “R-right.” Now it was his turn to stutter, and he cleared his throat before continuing, “Whatever you want.”

I smiled, and relief made the blood rush from my head. They weren’t angry at all, and they cared about what I had to say. I couldn’t believe that these four men who seemed to hold so much weight in this world were some of the sweetest, gentlest people I knew.

So long as they were with me, I would never have to be afraid again.