Page 41

Chapter 35 ~ Half Step Forward

Rígan

Six days passed.

Six days of planning multiple outcomes for the meeting with Balor. Of waiting for Brí to send word from the Stone Fortress. Of training and spending time with my friends and avoiding Dàibhid at all costs. No one reacted any differently to me, which had to mean he hadn’t told anyone yet. That was good; I could focus on matters at hand more easily.

On the seventh day, things shifted.

“Rígan.”

Bryn came up behind me in the secluded clearing by the camp as I sheathed my sword after training with Maya. My gaze darting between Maya and Bryn as the wind lifted little strands of hair off my face. Bryn had started giving Maya easier smiles since Midharvest, like she was considering acting on her interest. Maya seemed to be doing the same.

Where it used to be amusement and hope watching her and Maya, now there was pain.

I still hadn’t told Bryn what had happened with Dàibhid.

“Yeah?” I said.

“Can we talk? Privately?”

That was her motherly voice. Damn it. Of course she’d caught on. My vision blurred around the edges and I blinked hastily. It did nothing to stem the welling.

“Sure.”

Maya made for the path toward the village. “I’ll see you later.”

Bryn sat on a log and patted the space beside her. I plopped down.

“What’s going on?”

I sucked in a breath and looked anywhere but at her. The canopy of leaves. The dark clouds. A lone bird. “Something you need to hear, but that’s hard for me to say.”

“It’s alright. You can take your time.”

The gentleness got me. “Fuck, Bryn.” I covered my face with my hands, fighting the tears. She stroked my back, waiting.

When I looked up, the lone bird was nothing more than a little blue smudge, everything blending together. “I should have told you sooner. I just got stubborn.” I sniffled. “Dàibhid figured it out,” I whispered.

Her hand stilled, fingers pressing down, soothing. “Oh. Oh, Rígan, I’m so sorry.”

She pulled me to her, and I buried my face in her shoulder. I breathed her in, the scent of fresh linen and lilacs a familiar balm. It only made me cry harder.

“I’m sorry, too,” I said. “This won’t just affect me. It’ll affect you, too.”

“Don’t worry about me. I haven’t been here nearly as long as you. This is your life more than mine.”

Except it isn’t , I wanted to say. It had become her life, too. She couldn’t pretend otherwise.

“Gods, if I’d just been more careful,” I said.

“I should have helped you more.” Bryn wiped a tear from my cheek. The cool wind blew once more, making a strand of hair stick to a wet track on my face. She pried it away. “I should have figured out he might have been onto something and thrown him off your trail.”

“I’m not sure that would have done much.” Worry and doubt etched every line of Bryn’s features, and somehow, despite feeling sorry for myself, it broke my heart to see. “Truly. He’s smart. He probably would’ve figured it out no matter what. I knew it was a risk, but I got so damn comfortable around him.”

“Of course you did. You two have always clicked.”

“You hadn’t met him before a few months ago.”

“Still. It was in the way you spoke about him.”

“We were children.”

“And yet, the connection is still there as adults.”

I bit my lip. It was there, but . . . “Connection or no, my secret is out. It’s ruined. It’s only a matter of time before others learn of it and we’re forced to leave.”

“When did he figure it out?” she asked.

“The day we left for Tírdorcha.”

Silence. I figured the question was for curiosity’s sake, but then, “Don’t you think Father would know by now?”

“What do you mean?”

“If Dàibhid wanted Father to know, why would he have waited to contact him?”

I shrugged. “I dunno.”

“I do. That man likes you, Rígan. He likes you so much I’d call him smitten .” I snorted through a sniffle. She’d said the same thing eight years ago. “He is smart, yes. And the smart thing to do would be inform his ally that two of his daughters are here. Because you’re right; if Dàibhid knows about you, then he’s figured me out, too. But something tells me he doesn’t always like to be smart. Something tells me he cares too much to be that right now.”

I thought about what he’d said to me in the tent. About not wanting to hurt people, even if risking that hurt was smarter than the alternative.

“Maybe.” Who knew what he’d choose to do in the end.

“What are you going to do about the others?”

I stared where Maya had gone, a hollowness building at the top of my chest. I caught Bryn looking in the same direction. There was a longing there.

“Is it even fair of me to ask you to keep this to yourself when you have a chance at a relationship that’s actually available to you?”

She kissed the top of my head. “I dedicated myself to you first. I won’t break that.”

My throat constricted. It wasn’t fair of me. It was downright selfish, and I hated myself for the fear that had me in such a death grip I couldn’t quite get myself to think about letting Bryn off the hook, let alone say it out loud. But I still needed my friends. I couldn’t lose them, not yet.

But I didn’t want to beat around the bush anymore. “Maya really likes you.”

She didn’t hesitate. “And I really like her. But I want you to say it again.”

“What?” I poked her. “That she likes you?”

She giggled. “Yes. And then I need you to internalize that.”

“I need to internalize that she likes you?”

“No.” She pinched my ribs. “Internalize that she likes you . Loves you, in the same way I do. And when you told me you wanted to change your name and train and protect people in a very non-Fenwaldan princess fashion, what did I do?”

“You supported me.”

“Mhm. Which means what?”

I choked up. “That Maya might, too.”

“And Lou.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, blocking out tears and panic. Maybe they would accept me, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to risk it. Going from a princess to a sword for hire was one thing. That was a step down to a lot of people. But going the other way? It could place me on a distant pedestal where they’d think I couldn’t be reached.

“You’ve seen how they treat Brí and Dàibhid,” Bryn said. “Why would you be any different?”

“I just could be.” I didn’t care if it didn’t make sense to anyone else. It did to me.

“Just think about telling them, alright? And of talking to Dàibhid. You should see the look he gives you when you aren’t watching.”

“Like I’m a jackass for running away from him? A princess he needs to keep an eye on?”

“Like he’s worried about you.”

I was close to caving, to giving in to the desire to talk to Dàibhid right then and there. Part of me, a lot of me, missed him, despite only staying away for a few days. The way he called me Kit resounded unbidden throughout my days and nights, and not enough of me tried to stop it.

I pushed to my feet, patching the minuscule cracks right up, shoving the desire down, down, down.

Bryn stood. “Do you want another hug?”

“I’m good, but thanks.” I swung my arms to distract myself from the fact that I did want another hug.

When we left, we found Maya walking down the path to the camp.

“Good talk?” she asked.

“Great talk.” I twined an arm through hers and ignored the incessant need to unleash everything on her. Bryn took my other arm, keeping me steady.

A whistle from up ahead drew our attention. Lou beckoned us to speed up.

“Dàibhid asked us to meet him at the camp firepit.”

“Do we know why?” Maya asked.

“Not yet, but all the main people were summoned.”

Dàibhid was pacing when we took our seats. If he noticed me arrive, he didn’t let on.

“All here, Your Majesty,” Liam said.

“Right.” Dàibhid stopped pacing, only to bounce on the balls of his feet. Though seemingly a riot of energy, the restless action reminded me too much of the other day, when he was panicking in his tent. I avoided looking at his face as much as possible. I felt horrible for leaving him like that, when he was freaking out. According to áine, Brí had talked to him sometime after I’d left. At least he’d had her to talk to. “I received two letters today.”

I forced myself not to look at Bryn. Two letters? Had Bryn been wrong, and he had told our father about us? Was he about to reveal our secret to everyone? My palms sweat beneath my thighs.

“Two?” Thomas said.

Two pieces of paper sat on a stump beside Dàibhid. He picked up the first. “This one is from Brí. She and her soldiers will be ready within five days and be able to leave on my command from there.”

“Fantastic news,” Cianán said. “Though something tells me the other letter isn’t as promising.”

“You could say that.” He handed it over to his advisor, whose mouth curled down.

Shit. Was it about us?

“What is it?” Lou asked.

Dàibhid bounced some more. “It’s from Balor. It was delivered to the Stone Fortress before making its way here with Brí’s.”

I hated the twinge of relief that flooded my system before the signature Balor-induced anger took over.

“So soon after delivering your reply?” I said, incensed enough to speak up.

Dàibhid’s gaze lingered on me while he spoke. Assessing. “Like he planned to send one all along. Like he knew I’d accept his offer to meet.”

“And it’s his handwriting?”

Dàibhid nodded, wetting his lips. Like he knew where my mind had gone and hated confirming it. “If it’s forged, it’s exceptionally well-done. But something tells me it’s straight from him.”

Well, shit. If a letter in Balor’s handwriting was sent so soon after Bailanín would have gotten our letter . . .

He couldn’t have been anywhere but the castle. The urge to storm it had never been stronger.

“What does he want?” Liam asked through a heavy atmosphere that could only mean the others had caught on to what I had.

Dàibhid shifted uncomfortably. “He’s requested a change in meeting location.”

“Demanded, more like,” Cianán said.

I bristled at the insinuation. “Where?”

“Not even far from the original location. Just slightly more northwest,” Dàibhid said.

“Beyond the lack of ruins, the terrain isn’t any different,” Liam said. “It makes no sense. Strategically, if he’s planning on waging a battle against us, there’s no point in relocating.”

Something lurked behind Dàibhid’s gaze. Panic held on a leash. His fingers fluttered at his sides before he stole a glance in the direction of the village. Which was more northwest than the original location. And Dàibhid had promised Priestess Calla that a fight wouldn’t encroach on her lands.

He must have been terrified.

“It’s true,” Cianán said. “There’s nothing of significant difference to the location. But the act of demanding a new one forces our king to make a choice. Listen, or fight it.”

“What would you suggest?” Dàibhid asked.

Cianán took a moment. “Listen. There are battles worth fighting, and others worth handing over. This one isn’t worth the effort. Whether we meet him on his new terms or on the old ones, they’re still his terms.”

Dàibhid’s fingers kept twitching, the panic made manifest. Gods, even though I had to stay away now more than ever, it was an effort not to get up and hold his hands. To look him in the eye and tell him he could do this.

What I could do was give him my thoughts. Perhaps they could be enough.

“Then maybe we should make some of our own,” I said. “Counter his terms with something else.”

Dàibhid shook his head, but his fingers stilled. “That could anger him. Make him less inclined to listen to us.”

“What if it didn’t?” I ignored a voice telling me to shut up, focusing instead on the issue at hand. “He’s from a warrior culture. Even stronger than the one we have lingering here. What if fighting back shows your strength? It could get him to see you in a more positive light.”

His eyes grew unfocused, and his pacing stopped. “I suppose that’s one way of looking at it.”

“A potentially dangerous way,” Cianán said.

“Dangerous or no, it’s a sound idea. But I won’t push too much. Just enough to make a point.” He finally sat. Something like self-satisfaction at having calmed him stole through me. I pushed it away.

“What if we counter with a new date?” Thomas said. “We don’t need to leave for another eleven days by his terms. But you said it yourself, the soldiers can leave in five. What if we did the same? Force the Exiles to meet us sooner?”

“Make them scramble,” I said, a sly smile growing.

“It’s doable if we send a messenger to the Fortress for Bailanín now.” Dàibhid glanced again at the path to the village. “I won’t wait any longer, not when the Exiles could be laying a trap and bringing it closer to the Grove. I won’t give them extra time to go back on their word and surprise us here instead.” His eyes glazed over with that panic again. Like he was imagining the death that outcome could bring.

“This plan can work,” I said, needing to ease his worries despite myself.

“It can,” Commander Lochlin said. Liam added his agreement.

“Right, then. We go with this new plan,” Dàibhid said. “We leave in five days instead of eleven. I’ll pen letters to Balor and Brí informing them of the changes.”

“What’s stopping Balor from waiting it out until he’s good and ready to meet us?” Cianán asked.

“It’s as Rígan said. I’m showing strength with a demand of my own.”

“If he doesn’t meet it, we can call him a coward to the masses,” Maya said.

“That’s one way of going about it,” Dàibhid said flatly.

“Add it in your letter,” I said, only half joking. A corner of his mouth tipped up, and my heart took a little stumble.

“Get some rest,” Dàibhid said. “You have less time for it than you did a few minutes ago.”