CHAPTER 14
Zaki
B y the time I got home, it was after midnight, and I was wired. It usually took several hours for the adrenaline of the game to wear off, and it was rare if I was asleep before 2a.m.
I crept into the house quietly and tiptoed up the stairs to cut off the dogs. I hoped the metal jingle of Laffy and Vennie’s collar tags didn’t wake the girls or Arwyn.
The pups dutifully followed me to my room and supervised my nighttime routine. I was used to them coming in and curling up on either side of my waist until I fell asleep, then they’d ditch me for the girls until they woke up.
It felt like I’d just fallen asleep when my phone alarm signaled it was time to wake up and get dressed if I wanted to help Isla and Amelie get ready. I threw on jogging pants and a hoodie, slid my unsocked feet into sneakers, and strode down the short hall. By the time I got to the twins’ room, they were fully dressed and Arwyn was braiding Amelie’s hair.
I pivoted and hid outside the doorframe where they couldn’t see me, but I could see them and listened to their excited chatter about the events at last night’s game. But it wasn’t their words that stopped me short.
A brick wall of memories gripped my heart and squeezed as I took in the vignette, stealing my breath. These two could have been mother and daughter with their auburn hair and light dusting of freckles.
Neither of the girls had their mom’s coloring. Viki’s hair was dark brown—almost black—and her skin was naturally tan. The girls’ skin was pale like mine. Amelie’s ginger hair was from me, and Isla was blond like my mom and sisters.
Two Christmases ago, four-and-a-half-year-old Amelie cried in my lap because all she wanted from Santa was to be blond like me and Isla. I explained to her that my blond was fake and I was a redhead just like her. She’d stood on my lap and inspected the roots on my head and the morning stubble on my face. Satisfied I was telling the truth, she cried again and said red hair was ugly and my changing my red hair further confirmed that.
I told her I loved her red hair and promised her I wouldn’t dye mine ever again. Viki’s and my divorce had already finalized, and it would be weird to have her keep dyeng my hair anyway. Amelie had slapped her hands on my cheek and planted a wet kiss on my lips.
Now, Isla was the lone blonde. She had more confidence than her sister, an obsession with Elsa from Frozen , and idolized my sister Sofi, so I didn’t think I’d have to worry.
“And Percy was there and he gave Ridgie the gift tag and it said, ‘A special gift from Marshy and Percy!’” Isla paused, brushing her hair. “Ridgie was not expecting all those birdies to fly out of the box!”
“Did you hear Nana Booboo laughing?” Amelie asked. “I never heard a louder laugh!”
“And Ridgie fell on the ground!” Isla set her brush down and switched places with Amelie. “It was so funny!”
There was a pause as Arwyn began braiding Isla’s hair, so I used the opportunity to announce my presence.
“Gooood morning, ladies,” I said in my most goofy dad voice. “Need any assistance with your morning beautification rituals?”
Isla actually rolled her eyes at me, which made me grin wider.
Goal achieved.
“You can button my cuffs, Daddy,” Isla said, holding out her wrists. “But leave the braiding to Wynnie. We’ve seen what your hands can do, and it isn’t pretty.”
Kids repeated the darnedest things. Xavier had said those exact words to me when we were discussing shots on goal and debating what constituted a dirty dangle.
I held back a laugh and snuck a sideways glance at Arwyn. Her lips were pressed tightly together, and her shoulders shook in a way that indicated she was holding in her reaction.
I buttoned Isla’s cuffs and turned to find Amelie with her arms extended, so I buttoned hers, too. Then she raised her arms high. “Up, Daddy.”
I hoisted her up and held her close. This request was happening less and less these days, and I would never deny it.
She rested her head on my chest and closed her eyes. “You got him good, Daddy. Great job.”
High praise from the babe. I snuck another glance at Arwyn, whose lips were again pressed together, but this time her smile was noticeable. I caught her gaze and coughed.
Isla, not to be out-complimented, gave us a full rundown and her opinions on all of it. “Daddy, that was the best ever! When Percy brought Ridgie the present, we all crowded so close. But then the camera guy said ‘Back up!’ so we gave him space. Then Mr. Jared said ‘you move here’ and ‘you move there’ and we did. And then he said ‘Wait!’ and Miss Mags found a spot and the camera guy got a spot and everyone was guessing what was in the box, but they were all wrong! And then Ridgie pulled the lid off and we were like, whoa! He was so surprised he fell on the floor! Nana Booboo had the best laugh. And then she screamed and said, ‘Don’t poop on me, you pigeons!’ and ‘Who is responsible for this?’ And then the birdies flew away. Daddy, can we have white pigeons for our birthday?”
I waggled my eyebrows. “Maybe. I also may have, uh, seen to it that the laces to his skates were relocated so that he was a bit late for the second intermission entertainment.” I grinned, remembering Jared and Mags running around trying to find them. “So, the gift was a hit?”
Amelie lifted her head from my chest. “Oh yeah. I can’t wait for your birthday, Daddy. To see what you get from Ridgie.”
My smile faded. If things went my way, I’d be a long way out of Colorado by the time my summer birthday rolled around.
The walk to school was rejuvenating. Both girls insisted on holding Arwyn’s hands, and I followed behind, a little insulted but grateful they were taking to her so well.
We walked the girls to the flagpole at the front of the school’s property, and they raced inside, shouting goodbye to us. No doubt they couldn’t wait to recount last night’s antics with their friends.
And I realized I hadn’t had much of a chance to get to know Arwyn below the surface yet, and I wanted to. As we turned to walk back home, I had an idea. “It’s a beautiful morning,” I said to her. “Bright sun. Want to take a detour?”
She looked up at me curiously. “A detour? To where?”
I shrugged shyly. “Coffee Loft. Then along the Creek Walk. It’s been forever since I’ve sat on one of the swinging benches. Unless it’s too cold for you?”
She shook her head. “I’m okay. Sure, that sounds nice. But the creek is frozen over.”
“That’s all right.” I figured it might be. “I thought we could catch up and—get to know each other a little better?”
I held my breath waiting for her answer.
When she tipped her head back to look up at me, she was smiling. “I’d like that.” Arwyn’s arms were crossed, her mittened hands tucked under them. No muff today and no Mary Poppins bag.
I let out a long breath and dared to bend out my elbow. She knew exactly what I was asking without any words, and my heart flipped when she hooked her arm through.
An unexpected tingle fluttered through me like I’d been zapped by a faulty circuit.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
I was falling for Arwyn.
I had to be careful. We could only ever be friends. She had her life and her business here, in her hometown, and I was moving back to Montreal at the end of the season.
But … the thought of her with anyone else—especially that doctor—had me in knots.
Her arm slid away as we approached the entrance to the Coffee Loft, leaving me with my right arm free to open the door for her. It was close to nine o’clock, and I was surprised to find that the line wasn’t out the door.
I followed her inside and scanned the tables as she walked straight to the queue. No one I recognized. Good. Not that I minded, but I didn’t want to be spacey or aloof if someone I knew was here and thinking I was ignoring them. That wasn’t who I was.
I stepped in line behind Arwyn, and we waited quietly until it was our turn.
“Good morning, Arwyn! Zaki, right? Together or separate? Your usuals?” Marie, the owner’s daughter, knew everyone after meeting them once and memorized their orders.
“Together,” I said before Arwyn could answer.
“Yes, a hot vanilla spiced tea with one sugar to go, please.” She turned to catch my gaze. “Thank you.”
“My pleasure.” I held her gaze for a beat longer than I should have, then answered Marie. “Lofty-size Matcha Madness, please.”
“Coming right up!”
I pressed my credit card to the pin pad and tapped in a tip as Marie wrote our orders on cups. We moved down the counter and waited for her mom, Jannell, to make our drinks.
“Zaki Marsch! No way!”
As I turned toward the door, a quartet of young guys in Voltage hoodies, hats, and sweats were filing in. I grinned, recognizing them from training camp. None of them had made our roster, but they were good players, and their team was in first place in their division.
I transferred my drink to my left hand to reach my right out for fist bumps. “Arwyn, stay away from these troublemakers. They’re bad news. Especially this guy,” I teased. “I played with his oldest brother.”
He grinned. “Mason Kuntz. Nice to meet you.”
“So, how’s it going? Volts are looking sharp this year,” I complimented him.
“Yeah, I’m happy to be here. We’ve got a great team.”
“Hit me up if you want to come to a game,” I offered. “Mason knows how to get in touch with me.”
Another round of fist-bumping and I gestured for Arwyn to lead the way out. Once we were back on the sidewalk, she tucked her arm back into mine.
We crossed Main Street at the intersection and strode past the bookstore, picking up the smoothly paved sidewalk that ran southwest alongside Snowpack Creek. Swinging benches were placed alternately on each side of the creek, and we chose the closest one to settle into.
Arwyn had been quiet during the entire walk over, and I was desperate to fill the silence. As she sipped her tea inches from me, I wondered what to ask her first. I wanted to know everything. Her childhood, her family, her hopes and dreams.
“So …” I elbowed her gently and kept my eyes focused on the frozen creek bed. “How did you become so awesome?”
She elbowed me back. “So … how’d you become so crazy?”
“Touché,” I conceded. “Sisters. I was always being bossed around by the older one—Mirette—and looking out for Sofi when I was around. It was kind of boring at home. And I had to be on my best behavior when I lived with Viki’s family. So whatever hockey team I was on became my outlet for the extroverted entertainer that cries from my soul to be released on a daily basis.”
She laughed. “And all are still your friends. Even their siblings, like Mason. Amazing.”
“Yeah, I’m a lovable guy. My brand of torture comes from a place of love.” I snuck a glance. She was grinning.
Good.
“Are your parents still in England?” she asked.
I shook my head. “They moved back to Quebec when Sofi started college. Mirette still lives in Sheffield, though, with her husband and their three kids.”
“You must miss them. Do you get to see them often?” Her empathetic tone made me think she already knew the answer.
I shrug. “Not as often as I’d like. Family—all of my family—is important to me.” Looking at her and knowing she was on her own made me want to include her in everything the girls and I did while we were here.
Her response cemented my sentiment. “Take in and cherish every moment, Zaki. You never know when it could be your last with someone you love.”
I knew from experience just how true that was. “Your turn,” I encouraged her. “Tell me everything about you. All the things that made you who you are, because from what I’ve witnessed, you’re an amazing person, Wynna-bun. And crazy talented.”
She sighed. “There’s not much to tell. I’m super boring, actually.”
“Run your story through the Zaki Scale of Snoozes and I’ll determine how boring you are.” I tapped my nose. “I have a talent for sniffing out and avoiding everything boring, you know.”
“Ha!” She nudged me back with her entire torso and took a sip of her tea. “I think your sniffer is broken because I’m the very definition of plain and boring. I’m sure that’s why I developed such an extensive imagination.”
“Go on.” I set what remained of my Matcha Madness on the trash can next to the bench. I didn’t want any distraction while she told me about herself.
“Okay. I was born here. My parents met at a military ball in Colorado Springs, fell in love, and made our home their base. My grandparents were still living here at the time, but with Mom and Dad assigned elsewhere, there was no point in putting roots down. They didn’t plan on having children, so I was a surprise. Mom wanted to continue serving, so Dad left active duty as soon as he could to stay home and raise me. He had a lot of money saved, so he dabbled in wildlife photography. He’d take me on walks and hikes and sold some of his photos to magazines and even a jigsaw puzzle company.”
“That’s pretty awesome,” I said. “I’d love to see some of his work. It’s all in the room?”
She nodded. “Everything I could find. Help yourself. I keep meaning to go through it all, but it’s still too hard. I still can’t believe he died from a snake bite.”
Arwyn looked away. I wanted to comfort her. My arm moved of its own accord, circling around her back and pulling her to me. “I’m so sorry, Wynn. I can’t imagine.”
She laid her head on my shoulder. “Thanks. He was missing for two days. The worst two days of my life. Mom came home for a bit after that, and we grieved. But then she was off again. I don’t know where she is most of the time. She’s undercover and emails when she can. I think she’s a secret agent.”
“Wild,” I said. I wanted to know more about her elusive mom, but I wanted her to smile again more. “What about the years in between? How did you come to love the fashion of the past? Learn how to make costumes?”
“My dad got a photography job at the Palmer City Gazette when I was in kindergarten. He spread the word that he needed after-school care for me, and Shanna’s mom got the job. Shanna and I were already friends from the schoolyard—we both liked to read under the same tree next to the playground. I saw her reading there the first day Dad dropped me off for his job. I didn’t want to play on the apparatus—it was too crazy, unlike mine at home, which was just for me. The next day, I brought a book and sat with her.”
“And you were instant friends.”
“We were. Her mom would take us to the library some days. Other days we’d play while her mom sewed—she had a tailoring business upstairs. The ice cream shop didn’t bring in a bunch of money in the winter. And she taught me how to sew. I wanted to make the dresses the girls in my historical books wore. I naturally leaned to the late Victorian to Edwardian era, thanks to the stories and the way our house was built and decorated. It was easy to pretend I was the characters in those books since my house was like theirs with the patterned wallpaper and dark wood and knickknacks.”
“How many years older than you is Shanna?” I asked.
“Five. It was like having a big sister.”
“Must have gotten lonely when she changed schools.”
“Not really. I had my books, sewing, and I’d see her after school. She got married young, though. Her parents moved to a retirement community, and she and her husband moved upstairs. They had two little ones a year apart, and I’d babysit while she worked in the store.”
“That’s how you became the nanny of nannies. Nice. And how did you meet Tasha?”
“I knew Tasha from school. We were in classes together growing up, but she was friends with the popular girls, and I kind of stayed to myself. One year she needed her cheer uniform altered because she’d lost a lot of weight, and Shanna’s mom was hired to do the alteration. She showed me how to do that. So Tasha and I got to talking, and she told me to come by the Bevvie Bar if I wanted to hang out. We had some things in common, and over the years, most of her friendships dropped off. I’d invite her and Penny over to my house for tea and movie nights in. I rarely went out, and she had all those jobs, so when she wasn’t working, she wanted to unwind. And then she got the job coaching at the high school cheerleading squad and had zero time.”
I’d heard about Tasha’s jobs to pay her medical bills. I couldn’t imagine how hard that must have been. And for her friends, who she wouldn’t allow to help her and had to watch her fight an autoimmune disease and work literally just to live.
“I like my quiet life,” Arwyn confirmed. “But you’re right, it is a bit lonely. I like to be by myself a lot. That’s when I do my best work and my best thinking. But there are times when I just need people around, and that’s usually when I’ll go to the Soda Shoppe. Or call Tasha and see what she’s doing, or Penny. But they’re so busy now with their husbands and with Melody that it feels even lonelier.”
“I get that. The last six months nearly killed me. Living alone is hard, especially when you’ve never had to. It feels like you’ve lost everything.” I’d never admitted that out loud before.
She turned to me. “It does feel that way. I think Tasha noticed I was a bit off, and that’s why she suggested I work for you. She thought I missed working with little kids, and she was right. A couple of kids I can handle. And I’m not afraid to be myself around them. They just want to play and be loved, and I have a lot of love to give.”
“Do you?” I murmured. “How much more?”
The last sentence was out before I could stop it. Her eyes widened, and I wished I could’ve taken it back. She shifted out from under my arm, arranging herself sideways on the swing.
I didn’t want to lead her on, but darn it, I wanted her to stay in my life. And in my girls’ lives. And it was crazy to think that in just a couple of weeks, she’d made herself such an irreplaceable part of our family.
The distress on her face said it all. I hurried to make a joke of it. “Because—” I leaned in. “I could buy you a cat.”
Her expression relaxed, and she laughed. “Don’t you have to get to practice?”
I pulled out my phone to check the time. “Yeah. We should head back.”
I stood and offered her my hand to assist her up from the bench swing. We deposited our cups into the trash, and once her arm was tucked in mine again, I dared to ask her about her date with Adler.
“So, Wednesday. I should be home by five. Are you looking forward to your date with Adler?”
She was quiet for a beat. “Not really. I should be, though, right? I mean, I’m at the age where I should want a relationship and a family and all that. But…”
“But?” I prompted.
“Shanna said that he’s ready for all that now. What if I’m like my mom? What if I don’t want to be a mother or I discover after I have children that I just like taking care of little kids because I can give them back? What if I get so overwhelmed with motherhood like she did? What if I crave quiet and my own space and I can’t handle the pressures of family? And a doctor’s wife? Social engagements I’d have to host and charity events to attend and living life through the public lens? I would be terrible at all that.”
My breath caught, because I knew exactly what she was talking about. If we dated—she and I—her life wouldn’t be completely hers anymore. She would be followed online, and pictures and videos of her and the girls would become viral social media reels. Her business would blow up, and people would want to be friends with her to get to me and the team. She probably already got a taste of that, being close with Penny and Tasha.
I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and placed my hands on her shoulders. “Arwyn.” I used her full name so she knew I was serious. “I was terrified of becoming a dad. But the moment I held my girls, I was in love and knew without a doubt that despite my fears and shortcomings, I would jump through fire to keep them safe. I grew into the role and learned to be the best dad I could be because I wanted to be. You seem like you put in more than a hundred percent to things you care about. And if you wanted to be a mom, I’d bet my millions you’d give all the other moms a run for their money.”
“How can you be sure?” she whispered.
“Because I see you with my girls. You put your discomfort aside to volunteer at the book fair. You read to them every night. I can’t speak for your mother, but something tells me she wasn’t a fan of little kids either, was she?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Then I think you’re overthinking again.” I gave her shoulders a light squeeze and pulled her into a hug.
“So you think I should go to dinner with him?”
I shook my head. “Can you picture a future with him? Living in your house? Raising kids, however many he said he wanted? Can you picture that, and do you like what you see?”
Her chin fell to her chest, and she turned away from me, crossing her arms and looking down at the creek bed.
“I can’t. But I also don’t want to let life pass me by. I don’t see myself as a spinster. But I don’t leave the house often, and I can’t picture anyone else in my home, especially now that you and the girls are there. The loneliness is going to hit real hard when you leave.”
I stepped beside her, keeping my hands in my coat pocket to prevent me from physically reaching out to comfort her again. I wanted to pull her to me, but I sensed that she needed the space. And I didn’t want to offer her anything I couldn’t give.
But something I could give her—a shot at confidence. And not just to sing adorably off-key to Frozen songs in the van.
“Hey. Would you want to attend the Biddington gala with me? I mean, if you’re not already going?” I asked. Xavier had reserved double the number of seats this year and was still trying to fill them. I’d bought a pair of tickets but hadn’t planned on attending.
“I—um.” She peered up at me. “The Valentine gala?”
“Yeeeeess,” I dragged out my reply. “You mentioned charity events. This could be a good opportunity to see if you hate them as much as you think you do.”
“So you need a date?”
I clutched my chest. “You wound me.” I grinned, but her expression remained neutral. “I don’t need a date. I have no desire to find a date. In fact, I was going to give the tickets away or just skip it.”
“What about the girls?”
“Their old babysitter in Denver is probably available. If you don’t mind her spending the night here.”
“I don’t mind.” Her eyes narrowed. “And this is purely for experimental research purposes?”
“Entirely,” I confirmed. “If you hate it, we’ll leave. And I was thinking we could take the girls to the cabin on Sunday.”
“Hmm.” She looked back out over the creek. “I would like to see Penny strum her harp in her new gown.”
My heart rate kicked up. “So it’s a yes?” I could hear the excitement and desperation in my question.
Tone it down, Marshy.
She turned back to me and smiled. “It’s a yes. Thank you for asking me.”
I held out my arm. “You’re welcome. I promise to be the very best research help you’ve ever had, Wynna-bun.”
She laughed. “Good.”
Pretty sure I grinned like a clown the rest of the way home.