Page 111 of Severed Heart (The Ravenhood Legacy #2)

That gnawing guilt increases as I pull my cell to check on her and see that she’s parked at school.

No doubt going through the motions while replaying the trauma and questioning if we truly are the cruel deceivers we led her to believe we were.

Who left her flailing and utterly isolated in the dark, cast out and grief-stricken.

Our current war only reinforcing Tobias’s initial decision to keep her away from the club.

A decision seemingly heartless, but in truth, fueled by his love and dire need to protect her to his own paralyzing detriment.

If Cecelia knew that Tobias fights himself every fucking day to keep from going to her, she’d put herself in harm’s way to be here, and they’d both be moving targets. So, while I feel it’s unusually cruel to have alienated her, again , even I agree it’s for the best—for now.

Jeremy’s hysterical laughter jars me out of thoughts of her, as does Sean’s curse before he noisily tosses a tool on the concrete in response.

His accusatory eyes cutting toward them both as they play oblivious—the tension growing thick.

Even from where I stand at the counter in the lobby, I can feel the anger rattling off him.

After sealing the last envelope as they continue to crack on one another, I walk into the bay to join them for a few.

I need a little more time to level myself out, to keep capable of faking what remains of the day for Delphine, who will get the results tomorrow.

I blinked back when I pulled up to the garage, the roar returning with a vengeance, no breathing technique capable of taming it. But because the woman I love has to endure it—as does everyone else without access to my created loophole—I decided to man up and do the same.

As I continue watching Sean rattle in his skin, I realize that when you’re experiencing the same discomfort and pain, it’s easily identifiable in others.

That truth ringing clearer as I observe him, knowing I’m not the only one in the garage currently raging against the hand life has recently dealt.

Even from feet away, it’s obvious Sean is seconds away from implosion.

Then again, he has been in this state since the day Dom died.

Though we’re somewhat functioning at this point—having managed to open the garage just yesterday—I’m still uneasy about trying to attempt club life as usual, or whatever the fuck that might have meant before I was wasted an hour ago by a doctor’s words.

It’s when I see Sean glower at them both that I recognize he, too, has no idea what as usual is, either. Not anymore.

“The fuck is so fucking funny?” Sean demands a second before their laughter ceases, and they both turn to see him bristling feet away.

“Chill out, man,” Jeremy says, “we were just cutting up, having a laugh.”

“Yeah? Well, maybe I want to laugh, too ,” Sean prompts in a voice I don’t recognize.

“Something tells me you’re not in the mood,” Jeremy says with a sigh, his delivery lacking sarcasm but baiting enough for Sean—who’s begging for any reason to lash out, his thinning patience already threadbare.

“Sean,” I bark in warning, with enough bite behind it that he immediately shifts his glare to me, “you’re behaving badly.”

In the next second, I’m dismissed as he cocks his head at them both, his tone condemning with audacity. “How can you fucking laugh? How can you two fucking idiots laugh at anything ?”

“How can you not?” Jeremy counters lifelessly, eyes dimming, but Sean’s already stalking across the bay, keeping his glare on them both as he pulls his smokes from his jeans before blasting through the side door.

“It’s all right, man,” I relay on Sean’s heels. “I’ve got him,” I offer as both sets of wary eyes trail me until I push through.

Just outside of it, I find Sean crouched against the building, his cigarette already burnt in half as I study the hard lines etched into his expression. Lines I’m certain didn’t exist before France.

“Unless you’re out here to bum a smoke,” he delivers in that alien voice, “I have nothing for you.”

“Pain seems to be the only vehicle you’re operating right now, brother. But I can’t say shit, I’m driving the same one.”

“ Are we still brothers?” he counters sarcastically, “because we’ve only spent, what, maybe a year together collectively since you left.” He gives me a wary side-eye. “I knew you well once ... but let’s be honest, Dom was my brother.”

“So, I guess that in death, Dom gets a pass for his own extended absence, huh? That’s quite an unfair edge.”

Silence.

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’m not competing and wouldn’t try to, but that fucking stung, so congratulations, Sean. Would you like another?”

I take a step forward. “Tell you what, you can escalate this and swing at me too if you think it’ll make you feel better, but the alternative feeling you’re looking for right now does not exist in you drawing upon or causing the pain of the people closest to you.

And yeah, we might not know each other as well as we once did, but that’s not you, no matter how things change or what you’ve been through.

” Remorse fills his gaze briefly before his expression morphs back to unapologetic.

“And you’ve always made it obvious who your favorite is. ”

“He was,” he clips.

“That’s common knowledge to even a village idiot, but that stung, too. You want some more?”

“I don’t know what I want. No.” He exhales a cloud of smoke.

“That’s bullshit, I know I don’t want to fucking be here right now, or tomorrow, or maybe ever.

” He takes another exaggerated drag. “I know I don’t want to glimpse this fucking tattoo every day thinking only one thing—that I’m forever linked to that motherfucker.

Or continue to work with him to see this war through, and I sure as fuck don’t want your judgmental ass telling me how I need to act right now because I know you still pledge allegiance to him.

” He lifts his chin in dismissal. “So why don’t you run along and go be his brother. ”

“Before you fire another shot or go a step further with an agenda that won’t work no matter what bullshit you hurl at me today, I’m going to tell you right now I just found out Delphine is terminally ill.

If I’m lucky, she’s got six months. So, you should know I’m standing here because I still consider you brother enough to give you a few of her precious remaining minutes. ”

“Jesus ... fuck .” His eyes instantly water as regret pours from his lips. “Tyler, I’m so—”

“Why? You weren’t sorry a second ago, so don’t be sorry now.

Dom’s your favorite, and you’re pissed at me for staying loyal to my ink and to T, and that’s your prerogative.

But know my stance on those things aren’t changing no matter how big of a fit you pitch, so stay mad.

But for the sake of today, let me have the win in the grievances department.

Though, right now, we’re talking about you. ”

“Fuck that man, you’re right”—his eyes spill over as he runs a palm over his mouth and jaw—“I am so out of line... I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean any of that.”

“You meant some of it, there’s always a little truth mixed in with your lash outs, but rest assured, I don’t give a shit what part you meant most because, again, I’m operating the same vehicle you are.

But we need to be talking about you because, for one, selfishly, it’s distracting me, and two, so you stop pointlessly attempting to alienate your brothers.

.. because like it or not, Sean, if either of them goes down tomorrow, you’re going to grieve them just as hard even if you do successfully manage to push them away. ”

“Jesus, is that what I’m doing?” He shakes his head. “That’s... sadly predictable.”

“It’s natural .” I shrug. “In thinking that if you distance yourself enough, you’ll never feel like this again. But it’s not going to work. Not for you. Your heart won’t have it. You can’t cut off your hand and think you’ll still have the use of your fingers because you’re all heart , Sean.”

A tear slides down his jaw as he stares up at me, looking utterly lost before he inhales more of his cigarette.

“I don’t know how to manage this, Tyler.

I don’t know how people manage this...

and go on living. I’m so fucked up,” he croaks.

“I can’t sleep. I can’t concentrate on shit.

I got a new place, bought a house... thinking it would be a project to keep my mind occupied, but I haven’t done anything to fix it up.

I haven’t unpacked a single box or suitcase.

I just keep buying new shirts and underwear.

” He glances back at the garage. “I’ve got two jobs I don’t want anymore.

I don’t know if I want this life without him. ”

“So, switch it up and see what sticks.” I shrug.

“What does that look like?” he asks as his silent tears track his cheeks while he lights another cigarette.

“You want a plan?”

He nods. “I could use one, yeah.”

“I’m thinking you switch vehicles, and the opposite of the vehicle you’re in, of pain, would be pleasure .

How about you start with food you love or hike a trail you never have.

Not here in Triple, but miles away. Something new, uncharted.

The point is to start small... and instead of looking for a way to escape the pain, start searching for pleasure while you feel that pain. Little by little. Day by day.”

“Sounds like slogan advice,” he harrumphs, “and I don’t see that happening,” he dismisses.