Page 29 of Seven Days with her Duke (Hearts of Whitmores #3)

CHAPTER 29

A fter wandering the house for hours in the dark, knowing them better than he wished to, Dominic collapsed in a heap on the sofa in the front drawing room.

He was tired. And he didn’t want Eleanor to find him.

He also wished he had taken the brandy along, but it was probably for the best. Drink did nothing to help him these days. Not when the heart of the matter was this far beyond him.

Hopeless, that’s what I am. Useless. I’m nothing as a duke and worse as a husband. Eleanor is too good for me; tonight is only further proof. But the moment I lay my hands on her, she shall be tarnished. Ruined. I cannot allow any more harm than what I’ve already done.

It would be best if he left before he could cause further harm. Already he knew how well Eleanor would manage without him. She had done much in running the house for her family and she would enjoy the peace and quiet without him. So, he told himself, this was for the best.

This granted him the rest his body desired. Folded up on the sofa, Dominic slept heavily for hours until the clattering and voices woke him.

Sunlight made him wince. He rubbed his eyes in confusion.

“Then we shall have to take this at a later time,” came Eleanor’s voice. It sounded tight and neat, though something sounded off. He tried to push it from his mind. “Rachel can put this with the second delivery.”

“Yes, Your Grace.”

A loud thump followed, along with muttered apologies. But the duchess neatly waved them off like it was hardly a concern.

There was more chatter like that to follow. Dominic couldn’t make sense of it. His thoughts were muddled. Nose stuffed and throat thick, he took his time pulling himself to rights.

His clothes were askew as well; he’d long since lost his cravat and waistcoat. But he paid it no mind. All he wanted was to return to his bed for a day of rest, preferably unbothered. Then he rubbed his eyes and took a second look at the front hall.

“What,” he enunciated loudly, “the devil is happening here?”

The two nearest servants shrieked in surprise, whirling around from the various boxes and trunks on the ground. It was Reginald who turned slowly with such a severe look of disappointment that Dominic had to rub his eyes again to see if he was really looking at him like that.

“Er.” The footman and maid exchanged glances, hands over their hearts. It was the former who had found his voice. “Your Grace. We beg your pardon. We didn’t…”

“A move is taking place.” Reginald wiped his gloved hands clean of dust before starting a walk toward him. “That is all, Your Grace.”

I must have talked to someone already without remembering.

Dominic rubbed his head. “Ah. Yes, I suppose that is best. We can take my things to the country house. I’ll just bathe and be on my way then.”

“Not you.”

He froze from where he was turning toward his chamber. “Not I? Who else could be moving, Reginald? The only other person…”

It came to Dominic slowly and quickly. He was galloping in the wind and then suddenly knocked to the ground. His lungs gave out and his legs shook. Leaning against the wall, he rubbed his cheeks just to feel something alive. Still, that wasn’t right. What was wrong with him? He didn’t know. Only that none of this was right.

“No… She can’t be,” he said, fear ebbing into his voice. “Why would she leave? She’s leaving me? Eleanor?”

The stern look on Reginald’s face softened into something that almost looked like pity. Not, he thought, because he needed it. “Your Grace, her ladyship is settling elsewhere at her request. I could not stop her.”

“You wouldn’t, you mean,” Dominic corrected him harshly.

“Why would I?” came the impassive response.

Shaking his head, he couldn’t comprehend it. He refused. Heart pounding, Dominic swallowed hard. His body wasn’t moving the way he needed it to. But he took one step after the other. He had to find her, to find Eleanor, to talk to her.

So he ran.

Like a clumsy foal with too long legs and not enough smarts, Dominic tore through his house and looked even in the closets to search for his wife. His wife. She was his, she belonged to him. With him. Hadn’t he told her that? Not a solid thought made its way through his mind except for this.

It felt like hours later before he made it to her bed chamber and leaned heavily against the doorframe to see it look so sparse.

“No. She can’t be gone,” he croaked.

“I’m not.” He flinched at the sound of her voice. But she saw and she frowned, moving further in from the side room. “Not yet. And I’m afraid I shall need to come by tomorrow for the second carriage of belongings. After that, however, I assure you I shall finally be out of your hair––just the way you want it.”

He blinked. “What?”

As she came closer to him, her steps small and light, he saw the tears glittering in her eyes. “Dominic, I tried talking to you. But you didn’t wish to hear me.”

“No, I…” But he couldn’t lie. “I only…”

“It’s all right.” A pained smile crossed her lips. “You don’t have to say anything. I know you didn’t wish to marry me.”

Her voice was shaky, and it had him wanting to reach out to her, to save her from the pain and misery she felt. But he couldn’t move. He didn’t think he could stand without the support of the wall.

“What I did was unfair to us both, wasn’t it? You didn’t want me and I didn’t… I didn’t know what I wanted. I made promises I couldn’t keep. I wanted you to do what I couldn’t…” Eleanor paused, taking a small step back. A groan escaped him, and it caused her brow to furrow. “I made too many wishes, I think. I had too many hopes. But I know better now. I’ve cried all my tears, and I’ve let go of everything. I don’t expect you to love me, Dominic. It was my fault to trap you in this way. Now, I’m doing the only thing I can. I’m fixing it for us both. Once I’m gone, everything will be… it will be better for you.”

A torrent of emotion overwhelmed Dominic. Rendered speechless, he could only stare at her.

Minutes passed as she seemed to wait. Eleanor opened her mouth twice more to speak, but never made a sound. Eventually, she licked her lips. She shared a tight smile. And then she walked past him to take her leave.

His hand grasped for hers. “Wait.”

Red-rimmed eyes studied him when she turned, her lips parted in surprise. Had he made her do that? Did she care enough to cry?

I have to say something. Speak, you fool. Say something.

“Please,” Dominic choked out. “Don’t.”

His voice sounded more raw, more vulnerable than he would normally want to admit. But Eleanor had peeled every layer of him free. She had flayed him to the bone and left him nothing. Looking at her, he could see she had no idea the power she had over him.

Together, he and Eleanor stood in the doorway for a long time as he tried to think. To react. To do something more than just feel.

But the regret was heavy, as was his past. He struggled past it all, trying to find a way to speak. After all, he should let her go. It was best. Wasn’t that what he had thought to do only hours ago? Except now he couldn’t bear the idea, not with the undeniable truth that he was about to lose her.

“Dominic,” she spoke so tenderly that a shudder rippled through his body. “I think I should go.”

“But you shouldn’t,” came free of his lips. He coughed, pulling her close to him. Her free hand went up to separate them and she stared up with those wide eyes of hers. The warmth that flooded through him was liquid sweetness. Heavy on his chest but light on his tongue. The foreign sensation left him dizzy.

Dominic didn’t fight the feeling. This time, he didn’t fight any of them. He scrubbed away the tears that dared rip free before straightening up to force his limbs to work.

“I can’t––if you just––please, listen to me.” Dominic swallowed hard.

Suddenly unable to meet her gaze, he looked away to find a place for them to gather. Her windowseat. The curtains fluttered as he brought her over and sat her down, hands on her shoulders before he joined her.

Dominic hunched over to stare at his hands. A heavy sigh slipped from his lips, and he dropped his head down. “I can’t… How am I supposed to…”

“Perhaps I should have tried to listen more than speak.” Eleanor murmured simply. “I have time.”

She made not a sound at his side, waiting in the quiet with more calm and patience than he deserved. Both of them knew it. Inwardly cringing, Dominic fought the urge to run. If he did, he reminded himself he would lose her as well.

I should. I should let her go. Be where she would be happier. Do as she likes. What is happening to me? I cannot do it. I cannot let her walk away. The thought of her leaving me pierces me to the point of agony.

“There’s so much you don’t know,” he choked out at last, his thoughts aswirl. His heart pounded, his blood pulsed, and he nearly lost himself in his memories. Everything was so muddy on his hands he could hardly separate anything in his past.

“Is there anything you wish for me to know?”

“No,” he said automatically. Then he ground his teeth and said, “Perhaps. No. Yes. You should. I wish you didn’t. It isn’t for the likes of you. You’re too good for this, Eleanor. For me. You shouldn’t have a husband who is afraid and angry at himself like this.”

He silently willed for her hand to come closer as she asked, “Why are you afraid, Dominic?”

This was it. There was no turning back. His breathing grew stilted. Rubbing his cheeks, he forced the words out.

“I never wanted you to think I was like my father. Except… I was. I am. I loathed him, you know. For as long as I can remember. He didn’t care about my mother. And my siblings… They were just like him. I thought it easiest to bury myself in the hatred. It was easier that way.”

Dominic didn’t know if he made any sense. He rubbed hard at his face, wishing he could somehow scrub himself clean and start anew. “He didn’t care about anyone. Didn’t love anyone. He ruined those he touched. His family. Us. Me. And now I’m ruining you.”

It was all his fault. The words ran through his mind on repeat, all the fingers in the world pointing in his direction for his failures.

“I didn’t want to––to destroy you like my father destroyed my mother. You always deserved better than me. Even now, I can do nothing right. I should have left. I should have let Nicholas shoot me––”

Sweeping down to her knees before him, Eleanor circled his shoulder and head in her arms. “Don’t you dare say such a thing,” she demanded.

“But it’s true. And now I can’t let you leave. I can’t be without you.”

“Oh, Dominic.” Her forehead pressed against his. “You are nothing like your father. You never were.” When he made to pull away, she didn’t let him. “You’re a kind man. You care even when you try not to. I know it. I see it. You’re so much more than your father could ever be.”

Darkness sat heavy on his chest like an old friend he couldn’t move on from. Why had he left the continent? If only he hadn’t come back and ruined himself. There would be no one but Eleanor in his life. He could see that now though he hadn’t before.

“I lost everything, Eleanor. My entire family. My soul. Whatever chipped pieces there were, it’s all gone. I am nothing. I have nothing to offer you.”

“But I don’t want anything from you.” She pulled away just enough to gaze up at him. “And you would let me go now, if you didn’t want anything from me. Too long you’ve built up walls to avoid your own heart. You never let love in all this time, did you?”

He gave a sorrowful shake of his head. “This isn’t love. I’m nothing but a selfish rake. You knew that all along.”

“I did,” she admitted before the corners of her lips turned upward. “I also know how charming you are. How you dance with the wallflowers as well as the diamonds. How you can charm even the old matrons amongst the ton. How you care for your tenants more than any other lord. And I know particularly well how much you care for me.”

“But I don’t, Eleanor, that’s what I’m trying to say.”

“Well, you’re wrong.” He stiffened at the sudden hardness of her voice. “If you insist on being foolish, Dominic, find something else to be foolish about. But you do care. You couldn’t stand for any other gentleman to so much as look my way in case they were not good enough for me. You married me when you could have walked away. You bought me too many macaroons at a horse race, you danced with me to give me courage, and you escorted me about town when you could have easily refused my brother. You care, whether you believe it or not. And now, I must ask: do you care enough to let me go?”

Dominic opened his mouth to protest one matter over another. It was all he could do after her ridiculous speech.

And yet she was right. The truth struck him in a way that reminded him of early dawn, a golden light falling across the land. It touched him bit by bit as he reflected on his time with Eleanor. He’d searched her out, found excuses to brush his hand against hers, and dared anyone to do her wrong for he would have fought for her.

In a sense, he had. He’d taken her hand in marriage as a victory. Instead, all this time, he had treated it like penance. A punishment.

The pit in his stomach squished itself into something new. His head spun and he clung tighter to Eleanor as he stared at her, disbelief growing lighter by the second on his shoulders.

How is it only now that I understand?

“I’m sorry.” Dominic could hardly put the words together in his daze. “I was wrong about everything. What was I… I should have known my heart all this time. But I didn’t. And if I hadn’t…” He sprang up, pulling Eleanor with him. Holding her close, he smelled the lavender perfume and nearly melted at her feet. “I can’t lose you, my darling. I’m in love with you. Maybe I always have been, I don’t know. I’ve only just now realized it. I can’t do this without you, and I don’t want to try. Take pity on a scared, awful fool, won’t you? I love you.”

He almost didn’t dare to look her way, worried that she would laugh at him or cry or, worse, wish to leave. His body stiffened. She was warm and soft and perfect in his arms. Had he not realized this sooner? Or had he been so scared all this time he was simply prepared to push her away?

The breathy silence between them was more than Dominic could bear. Gathering his courage, he opened his eyes to look down at her.

Eleanor smiled. There were tears on her cheeks, but she didn’t seem to notice them. Before his panic could win over, she gave him a comforting squeeze and let a breathless sound leave her lips.

“Am I too late?” he croaked, not knowing what he would do if she tried again to walk out the door without him.

“You have dreadful timing, Dominic. I tried so many ways to talk to you…”

A strangled sound escaped him. “I won’t let it happen again. And if it does, you’ll have threaten to leave. Or slap me. Mock me. Throw a chair at me, I don’t care. I just can’t lose you, not really, not for a moment, Eleanor.”

“I like it more when you call me your darling.”

They looked at one another and he could hardly breathe. Something wonderous settled between them. Truth. Comfort. Joy.

Carefully looping her arms more neatly around his shoulders, Eleanor tugged him down closer to her level. She kept her gaze steady on his all the while, as though she thought he might try to escape. Why he had done so in the past he could no longer remember. It felt as though he might fly away if she weren’t there to anchor him down to earth. So he held on tightly, their embrace secure.

“I will call you that forever and a day, my darling,” he murmured. “I promise.”

She blinked and it seemed to shutter away everything she had been holding onto. Those dark eyes lightened. He swore he could see the pain and fear and uncertainty fading. It unsettled him how much he had hurt her, never realizing how he could have made amends earlier.

I’ll have a lifetime to make up for it. If she’ll let me.

“I want to be married to you, Dominic,” Eleanor said carefully like she had rehearsed the words. So this time, he listened. “You must fight for us as I have done. Please. Because I want to have a family together. I want us to have darling children and a lovely long life in each other’s arms. Will you look to the future with me?”

Scooping her up into his arms, he nodded. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so light.

The past was just that. The past. It wouldn’t control him any longer.

“Yes, my darling, a thousand times yes. I have much to make up for and I intend to do a very good job of it. We’ll scandalize the ton with how much I love you and how daring your sharp tongue can be.”

“Dominic!”

“Fine, your tongue is all for me.” He stole a kiss to prove it. First fierce, and then he softened as she melted in his arms. “I intend to have a very wonderful future with you, my darling.”

“Good. And…”

He looked down at her with fondness, wondering if he would ever tire of admiring her dark eyes and pretty lips. Then he wondered just how red he could make them. “Yes, my darling?”

The blush that spread across her cheeks did marvelous things for her. He couldn’t look away.

Though Eleanor seemed to grow shy now, he waited, and she finally gathered her courage. A hesitant smile graced her lips. “I only wished… I wanted to tell you as well. I should have told you sooner, perhaps. But I love you, too. You must know this.”

“I do. But I shall have to hear it every day,” he added on a serious note.

Her lips twitched. “I think I can manage that.”

“Can you, my darling?” he added the endearment in the hopes that she might blush again.

It did. Wild imaginations rushed through him. And he let them, eagerly embracing any notion that might bring him closer to Eleanor. To his wife. To the woman whom he loved and was no longer afraid to love with all his heart.

“I love you, Dominic,” Eleanor proclaimed. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

He would have let her carry on, but her lips demanded a kiss, and he couldn’t refuse. His heart soared as he looked to the coming days in a future that, for the first time in a long time, felt very worthy of living.

The End?