Page 23 of Seized by the Alien Space Warrior (Alien Romance #8)

Chapter Twenty-Three

A ekon stepped through the doorway of the rough-hewn bunker, nudging Brenur out of the way. His gaze searched through beings, darting everywhere until he found Ava. His heart lurched and his body eased, even though his muscles weren’t any less tense than they’d been while he’d strode all the way here in silence, seething behind Brenur.

If that being so much as laid his claws on Ava’s delicate skin, he would tear them off his fingers and toes, before ripping off his hands and feet after that. The Ixod clearly had no idea what went through Aekon’s head.

Once they entered the room, Brenur strode directly over to the beings that had eaten with them while they’d hashed out their half-baked plan. A plan that would have to do.

Brenur spoke to a young Ixod, a being barely out of his youth. The boy nodded, his jaw tense before he jogged out of the bunker. Brenur flashed Aekon a glance before turning his attention to his advisors. He’d sent the boy to gather intel from Krono, their spy. Their plan was in play.

“Everyone hunker down. We’re going to blow the main cavern. Gods willing, after this, we will all see the sun and moons again before too long,” Brenur spoke and a hush fell over the beings throughout the bunker.

Ava still hadn’t noticed Aekon. He couldn’t draw his eyes away from her fragile body. No, she wasn’t fragile. Delicate, yes. Fragile, no. She had more internal fire than warriors he knew. She looked a being straight in the eyes when she spoke and her answers were thoughtful and intelligent. It was only her size that was deceptive.

She held a bundle and sat leaning against the wall next to a sleeping female Ixod. The female’s ankle was swathed in bandages and Ava looked down at the bundle, tapping it gently with the tips of her fingers. She looked peaceful, sitting there, and as he watched her a sense of serenity washed over him. A feeling of rightness so great he almost staggered with the weight of it.

If the cavern was going to be demolished, he didn’t want a stray rock falling on top of Ava. It was his job to protect her, no matter the damage he’d done to their mate-bond.

His heart gave a strange little lurch as he approached her. Her head tipped up and her gaze unerringly locked onto him. Her blue gaze hardened and the corners of her mouth turned down. He had to catch himself from plunging to his knees and pleading for her forgiveness.

He’d driven a wedge between them for a reason, although looking at her now, fighting off the urge of the mate-bond, it wasn’t a good one. Onda’s smiling face whispered through his mind. It was enough to remind him of her loss. The years of pain he’d suffered. It helped to force urges he didn’t want and didn’t ask for to a place where he could function. He straightened his shoulders, clenched his teeth, and approached Ava.

“Don’t feel you have to stick by me. I can look after myself,” Ava said.

Her eyes had turned to ice. That was good. That was what he wanted.

Wasn’t it?

“You are mine to protect. I will still do my job,” Aekon said.

“You should have told me that before last night. It would have saved us both from some anxiety,” she muttered.

She stroked whatever was in the bundle.

Curious, he stepped closer and stilled in surprise. She held a baby. His mouth dropped as he inhaled a quick breath of air. Slowly, he knelt on one knee before Ava, his heart picking up speed. He reached for her, as though his hand had a mind of its own, forgetting all about the wedge he’d nailed between them.

All there was, was this moment. Ava and himself and the promise of a future he’d been denied. He laid his palm over hers, which cupped the child’s head, the full force of the mate-bond slamming into him.

If he wasn’t already on his knees, the strength of it would have sent him to the ground. The mate-bond flared to life between them, perfect and beautiful. And tempting. So, so tempting. He had a hard time thinking why he would deny himself this. Why he would deny both of them this.

Instead of seeing Onda’s face in his mind, Ava was there, looking up at him with heat and fervent passion, her full lips swollen from their kisses. Ava gasped, her pupils so enlarged they bled most of the vibrant blue away. But her gaze wasn’t soft, or languid or anything that had tracked through his mind.

It was horror that hardened the planes of her face and brought tension to her shoulders and made her recoil away from him, her legs drawing close to her body, her shoulders caving forward. The magnitude of what he’d done to hurt her was a knife through his chest. His stomach hardened with the weight of Drisian crystal.

A blast rocked the bunker. The ground tinkled with small stones and gravel that fell from the rough-chipped ceiling and distant thunder rumbled as the large refugee cavern collapsed.

Ava pulled away from his touch. They were a fingertip away but the distance might have been from the planet’s surface to the moon. The mate-bond affected her too. Humans might not form bonded-mates on their planet, but he knew that they had the capacity to feel it when they connected with bonded-mates not of their species. He’d seen it happen time and again. The damage he’d done between them was irrefutable.

But that was what he wanted, wasn’t it? He’d pushed her away, knowing he should never have done such a thing.

“Don’t touch me again,” Ava whispered, her lips trembling. “You can’t keep doing this to me, Aekon. It’s not right.”

“No. It isn’t right,” he said.

She should never know hurt by his hand or by his actions. He had to make up for his failures.

“I am sorry, Ava, but I must be a warrior, no matter what that means.”

“Forever defined as a warrior. Don’t you ever just want to be yourself?” she whispered.

“A warrior is what I am,” he said.

Ava shook her head. “You’re more than your occupation. And I deserve to be more than a job.”

“That is all I know,” Aekon said.

“You know much more than that. You know enough to push people away when you get too close. You know enough to be scared of intimacy. If I am your bonded-mate…well, I’m not exactly sure what I am to be honest… but I think I deserve to know what I’ve done to elicit this reaction from you,” Ava said. Her cheeks flushed red. The mate-bond between then fired with anger.

“You did nothing!” Aekon said.

If anything, Ava had offered her body and soul to him. He was the one at fault, the one who had filled her with regret and anger. A glance next to him told him the female Ixod was still sleeping. Since the blast, other beings had settled down and were seated and calm.

He had to tell her. She had to understand. He took a steeling breath, forcing out the words he had told no one before. He owed her this, at the least. “I told you I had a bond-mate and that mates might only be gifted once in a lifetime. Some beings go through life and never complete their soul.”

She nodded slowly. “Yes. You told me that.”

Heat infused his chest, working up his neck and over his face. He fought the urge to lurch to his feet and pace like there was a caged tiger locked inside him. Instead, he let Ava’s cool gaze quiet his shame until he was able to form words.

“She was killed right before my eyes and nothing I did stopped her from dying.”

“Oh, Aekon. I’m so sorry.” Ava’s eyes filled with tears and she blinked them back.

Pain twisted his heart and yet it wasn’t as sharp as it once was. His bond-mate was shouldering part of the pain. Taking it away. That wasn’t right. She should never have to do that.

“Do not be sorry, Ava. Be aware. I am not a male who can protect his bond-mate. I am a male lost to rage and revenge. The only reason you are here is that I failed you when I couldn’t contain myself.”

“What do you mean?” Her sleek brows scrunched together.

“The being that bought you on that stage was the same being that murdered Onda.” He ran his hand over his head and his nodes flashed dull red. “I couldn’t stop myself from going after him. The temptation was too great. Even though you were in that terrible condition when I found you on the ship, I still had to try and kill Zavis when I saw it was him that had taken you. If I controlled myself, you would already be at the Sanctuary. Safe, with your own kind.”

He pressed on, determined to tell her the whole truth now. “Fate made a mistake when it comes to you and me. A being is gifted once. Never twice. Fate would never lock you to a mate-bond such as me. You deserve more than a failure and a coward, Ava. You deserve more than I can ever give you.”

Silence stretched between them and Ava’s cheeks grew even more flushed. She didn’t move a muscle. Didn’t even twitch. Just stared at him. Emotions warred through the mate-bond, flying so quickly it was hard to pinpoint just one. He left the connection open, while making sure she didn’t feel anything of his self-loathing. He deserved to feel everything he’d done to her.

It took all his strength not to give into the mate-bond. He wanted to take her in his arms and finish what they’d begun earlier, minus the pain he’d subjected her to. He remained in his spot, and just let himself be bombarded with her emotions. Hopefully, over time, that would dim for him but if it didn’t he would have to live with that.

He thought his heart would be lighter for telling her the truth. That he’d gone about telling her the right way this time. That she would understand now he’d revealed himself, but as she stared at him his heart began to pound and his skin heated to the point of being uncomfortable.

“I think you’re right,” Ava said so softly he barely heard her over the thunder in his ears.

He expected her to say many things, but agreement was not one of those things. He felt his nodes pull low over his eyes. He had to make sure he heard her correctly. “What?”

“You heard me. I do deserve more. I deserve a mate who understands that there are two people in a relationship. I’m not even sure what we have can be called a relationship. It’s just one big mess that fate seems to have thrown us together in. I’m not sure whether to be hurt because you reject me, or to be relieved that I’ve dodged a bullet.”

Her eyes brimmed with tears. She blinked and two drops trailed down her cheek. She sniffed and wiped her cheek on her shoulder. “I’m so sorry about Onda, Aekon. I really am. I can’t imagine how painful it is to lose someone and I’m sure if I ever came face to face with their murderer, nothing would stop me from my revenge either. But I have to ask you, would she want you to throw away the rest of your life feeling guilty because you couldn’t stop the unstoppable?”

Aekon’s jaw clicked shut. He had to concentrate to form words as guilt ate him from the inside while shame shook his to his core. “It was my job as a bonded-mate to protect her. I failed her!”

Just as he would fail Ava. Couldn’t she see that?

“Consider this, Aekon. If you were to have died that day and Onda had survived, would you want her to live the rest of her life the way you’re living yours?”

Aekon reeled backwards. Dizziness made it hard to focus. He wiped his hand over the nodes along his skull, surprised as they tingled in discomfort. The answer was astoundingly clear. If he had died that day, he would have expected nothing less of Onda than to live the rest of a full life, even if he wasn’t in it. It was a crime to wish a life away, just as much as it was to wish a mate-bond away. He looked back at Ava, stunned into silence. Guilt and shame were still a strong presence within him. There was no one else to blame for his actions.

The baby in Ava’s arms stirred. His little face screwed up and he began to cry. The female sleeping next to Ava stirred and sat up. She smiled at Ava. “Thank you for looking after Denu for me, but I think it’s time for him to feed.”

Ava handed the baby back to his mother. The baby settled as soon as the female cuddled him, do doubt calming with her familiar scent.

“It was a pleasure,” Ava said. “He’s such a lovely baby. I’ll see if I can find you something to eat and drink.”

She stood and skimmed her hands over her thighs. She stepped away from Aekon as he also stood.

“I will get you both some refreshments,” Aekon said.

Ava sent him a thin smile. Outwardly, she was calm and collected, but Aekon knew the difference. The end of the mate-bond was frayed, alive with raw misery and controlled anger—at him.

“That’s okay, Aekon. I’m capable of looking after myself. I don’t need a bonded-mate or a warrior or any male to do anything for me. Thank you for your protection, but I’ll take it from here.”

She moved towards a supply crate without a backwards glance and one thing was never more certain – he was the biggest fool ever born.