Page 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

ELSIE

Sitting in the clubhouse with Ricky in my lap, a fresh wave of tears fall.

It has been four hours since Kane left to look for Ruthie.

Ricky’s arm is in a blue cast. They found a small break in his wrist. He took being X-rayed and having the cast on like a champ. He is still feeling guilty over Ruthie being taken, no matter how many times me or anyone else tell him otherwise.

My heart is breaking bit by bit as each hour passes.

“Ricky, do you want a cupcake, honey?” Nadine asks him.

He shakes his head against my chest, his body still trembling.

“I know it’s hard right now, sweet boy, but Solo and the rest of the men will bring your sister home. Ruthie will be back in no time,” she says, looking at me with sad and pitiful eyes.

We know that with each passing hour, the chances of finding her drop.

I bite back a sob and look across the room, seeing the two prospects along with Fritz and Box, who are on their laptops looking for any sign as to where Alan would have taken Ruthie. Tag is in his office calling in help from another MC close by.

These men jumped at the chance to help me and my family. They have shown us what true family means. Hell, Box was pissed that I was Kane’s when he first got here, but he has stepped up to help find my little girl.

He must sense me looking in their direction as his gaze connects with mine. He winks, but it’s not in a flirty way, rather in a supporting way. He’s telling me they’ve got this.

This club, who barely know me, are doing more for me than anyone ever has.

“Is she right, Mum? Will Dad bring Ruthie home?”

I look down at my son and dry under his eyes, giving him a brave smile.

“He will. Are you okay calling him your father? I know a lot has happened, and I kind of threw us into the club life, but you and Ruthie know who your real dad is. He wasn’t the best but he was still your biological father,” I explain.

Ricky sits up, and I see anguish and fierceness shining back at me.

“Nigel was not a dad to us. I’m only ten, and even I know that what he was like was wrong. He hated us, Mum. When you weren’t in the room, he would often tell Ruthie and me that we were a waste of space and that he wished that you had lost us.”

My heart cracks wide open and I wail. My body shakes as my chest tightens. I feel someone lifting Ricky off my lap as I slide to the floor.

I had always believed that his abuse never touched the kids at this level. Yes, he would shout at them, but he never physically hit them. Not once did I see him raise a hand to them, only me.

I could take it. He had beaten my soul down enough that I could take it.

After we got away from him, that thinking made me see how badly I had lost myself.

Anger, sadness, pain, and all of the emotions seep into my body; my heart and soul wailing at the realisation I caused my kids to go through this. This is all my fault.

“This is my fault,” I repeat, out loud this time. “I could have left years ago. He took everything from me, and now he has taken my kids from me. Even in death, he is still causing me so much pain. It’s all my f-fault,” I sob as I struggle to breathe through the heartache.

My fists are clenched, and in the background, I can hear Ricky calling for me.

Strong arms wrap around my body. Leather and smoke hits my senses.

“You are not to blame for this, honey.” Tag’s voice comes through my haze. “He did all of this to you. He beat you down bit by bit, conditioning you to take the blame for his fucked up world. No domestic abuse victim, man or woman, is to blame for what they suffer. A bully knows what they are doing. They know how to speak and how to twist things. All bullies are narcissistic, baby girl. It’s their job to cause pain and harm to everyone around them. They latch on to a target and cause hit after hit to cause mayhem in people lives. What your ex did was at his worse. He knew he could hurt you in any way, but he also knew that you still had enough fight in you that if you saw him lay a hand on those kids, you would be gone.”

I nod against his chest.

“But I could have s-stopped h-him from yelling at them,” I stutter.

“You have to move on from that. I have seen these kids, honey. They are happy, and they know they are loved. Their smiling faces show everyone around them that they are doing so fucking well, and that is because of you, Elsie. You are a fucking strong mother for them.”

“Mummy,” Ricky cries.

I lean back a little from Tag and see my boy, snuggled in Nadine’s arms. She lets him go and he runs to me, falling into my lap. Tag holds us both tight.

“I’ve got you both. We have you all. The Royal Bastards MC claim you as family, like my son claimed you as his ol’ lady. You fall apart and the club will be there to watch the kids, but also to help put you back together again.”

Nodding, I pull Ricky tighter to my body, kissing his soft hair.

“We will be okay, Mum. Solo and the guys will make sure of it. They will bring Ruthie home,” my baby whispers.

“Yeah, sweetheart, they will. She will be okay. We all will.” I sniff and hold him tighter, like if I let him go, he will be taken from me.

“Come on, get up off the floor. My old bones can’t take this shit,” Tag gripes, but I can hear the humour in his voice.

He pulls Ricky up first then helps me to my feet. Before I can step back, he cups my face in his large, weathered hands and looks me square in the eyes.

“Family takes care of family, Elsie. You, my dear, are family.” He kisses my forehead before leading me to the couch, where the girls are sitting.

Nadine smiles at me, pulling me in for a hug when I sit next to her.

“Pres, I got a call from Click. She’s sending information to Solo about a possible location as to where the cunt took our club princess,” Box calls out.

Tag nods and steps away from us, going to see what information has been passed on. This Click that they speak of is a female. She is a whiz at computers and is with two men, one who is a patched member of the Unforgiven Riders MC.

“Mum, I’m hungry,” Ricky’s gentle voice sounds, pulling my gaze back to him.

“Why don’t we all go into the kitchen and see what treat we can whip up, yeah?” Nadine asks him and he nods.

“I could eat. This baby is sucking all of my energy,” Una whines with a smile on her face.

“I’m starving too. I’m wasting away. Maybe if I hold off on food for a bit, my arse will eat itself.” I giggle at Adele when she looks at me, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Your arse is perfect, girl. Mine could lose a few pounds,” I state.

“Solo loves your arse. I see him watching it all the time,” Una jumps in, making me blush.

Thankfully, Ricky is already in the kitchen with Nadine when she speaks of our arses.

“Before we go in there and have to be PG about everything...” Una stops in front of me. “After you have a baby, is it true that your vag tightens up like a virgin vagina?”

Adele chuckles, looking at me expectantly. “Hey, I haven’t had kids so I have no clue.”

“But you are a doctor, so you should know this stuff too,” I counter.

She holds her hands up, smiling at me. “We are taught medical shit, but not real life shit. You have pushed not one but two babies out of your pussy hole, bitch.”

“Wow, you speak so eloquently for a doctor, Adele,” I joke with her, and she winks.

“I know, right? I shock people when I open my mouth. I was told that I look rich and posh because I carry myself with confidence and a slight glamour, or so Kink says. So what if I like to get my hair and nails done? I like to look good for work.”

“You are sexy as fuck. If I didn’t like dick so much then I would do you.” Una shrugs, before walking off into the kitchen.

“Come on. Let’s get your boy fed.” Adele gives me a serious look, the humour she was showing seconds ago now gone. “They will find her, honey. We have to believe they will.”

I nod, and a fresh batch of tears fall. I hiccup, and she pulls me close, cuddling me through a short breakdown, because as much as it pains me that Ruthie is missing, my son also needs me right now, and I can’t fail my kids anymore.