Page 5 of Secure Touch (Her Vicious Pack #8)

Vera

Our nest looks the way it always does, the warm light from outside, the painted walls in soothing colours with the sky at the top and the field with flowers on the lower half, all of it.

But it doesn’t smell like it normally does.

It smells empty , which is starting to irritate me, starting to make me itch in my skin.

Even the pillows and blankets we took up with us, which are drenched in our pheromones, don’t manage to take away the empty experience.

I knew that there wouldn’t be any scents left after the place was cleaned, but I never realised how many slivers of scent linger everywhere, even if you don’t think you notice them.

I’m now very aware of how many hidden scents there are in our lives, because a total lack of scents is weird , uncanny.

It makes this room feel not right.

I glance around, my body starting to feel weird.

No.

This isn’t right.

Something is very wrong. This place is wrong .

I grab one of the blankets as Caleb is sitting down on it, making him move awkwardly and rolling to the side. But he’s still on top of it, so I pull harder.

“Get off.” I force my voice out, it’s too quiet. “Get off.”

“What’s going on?” Jorge comes closer and as he’s about to touch my arm, I let out a soft growl.

I want my blanket, but Caleb is sitting on it. I can’t have it if he’s sitting on it.

I tug on it again, only lightly aware of the way Caleb is staring at me, surprised, worried, but he quickly gets off it and I finally pull it free.

In one movement, I wrap it around myself, like a big cape, and cross the bedroom to the other walk-in-closet, the one we used as a temporary nest but now use as a walk-in-closet again. When I open the door, no scent greets me.

This one has also been cleaned.

Fuck.

No.

I turn around again and walk straight into Riley, who wraps her arms around me.

“What’s going on?”

“It’s not right.” I pull back, looking around the room, trying to find a place where I’ll feel safe. “Everything is wrong .”

“I know there are no scents, but we’ll put them back. We’ll put our scents back where they belong.” I’m aware that she’s sending out soothing pheromones, but it only makes me bristle and a soft growl breaks from my chest.

“Whoa! What the hell?!” Jorge’s surprised shout pulls Riley’s attention away from me and I slip from her embrace, wildly looking around me, before I go back into the hallway. I’m trying to find a room that hasn’t been fully emptied of all scents.

I need my mates, I need their scents, but they’re not anywhere, in none of the rooms.

Every door I open, I’m greeted by nothing .

No scents.

No pheromones.

They all feel so lifeless, so devoid of any living thing. Empty. Blank.

“What are you looking for?” Luca’s soft voice comes from somewhere nearby and I stop.

“Home.” I don’t know how else to explain it. That’s the only word that comes to mind, I’m looking for home .

These rooms, devoid of any scent, no longer feel like home , they feel... They feel wrong , unreal.

“Can I help look?” He steps closer, holding out his hand and I take it, before dragging him to the next room.

Our big new walk-in-closet looks as it always does, full of our clothes, but doesn’t smell anything like it’s supposed to.

I quickly get out and wildly pull Luca along to the next room. It’s where we normally store all our crafting supplies, across from Riley’s room.

Maybe the crafting room is what I’m looking for. Maybe things will be better in there.

I glance Luca’s way and he gives me an encouraging nod. I nod back and open the door.

But the moment the door is open even a sliver, I know I’m out of luck.

Even this room is devoid of scents, nothing in there.

Still not home .

I pull the blanket up higher, wiping at the tears that are sliding down my cheeks. Why is this so hard? Why can’t I find home anymore?

Why is everything wrong ?

“You’re shaking.” Luca uses his empty hand to tug the blanket around me more, like a mother hen, before he carefully touches my cheek. “Maybe the others are having more luck. Should we go take a look?”

He doesn’t drag me or move me, he simply waits for my answer.

Yes, I guess that makes sense, we should check with them. Maybe they’re having better luck.

I do hope so because I’m not having any.

There’s a commotion in our nest room, Jorge is standing outside the door, staring inside, looking shocked. There are sounds of a struggle coming from the nest.

What’s going on?

I carefully walk over, my mates’ pheromones a mix of confusion and distress, not scents that are supposed to be in the nest.

When I can look into the room, Jorge’s expression starts to make more sense. Caleb and Riley are holding Mathew, who’s got remnants of a pillow in his hands.

“Let me go!” He moves in their grips, but they’re not budging.

There are flakes of pillow stuffing all over the nest room, among what looks like one or two torn blankets or curtains, strips of fabric.

I let out what feels like it’s supposed to be a laugh, but it doesn’t come out right. Like everything else, it feels off.

But Mathew has the correct idea.

This isn’t our nest.

Not like this.

This place is wrong .

Why should we keep a wrong place intact, just because it’s pretending to be our nest?

I drop the blanket from around my shoulders and kneel among what’s supposed to be our nest supplies.

“Vera?” Riley’s cautious question hangs in the air.

I grab around, through the flakes of stuffing and strips of fabric, until I find something. I don’t know what. I don’t know why I grab it, it felt like the right things to do, so I pull it out of the pile and start ripping it up.

It’s a blanket we had in our original nest. It’s fluffy, pale blue, nothing special or unusual.

Seeing it makes my chest hurt.

This should bring me joy , this should make me feel safe .

But it doesn’t.

Right now, it doesn’t.

It makes me feel like this is all a big lie.

It’s all one big lie.

All of it.

This isn’t home .

This isn’t my nest .

It’s all wrong .

“Vera!” Riley is closer now, touching my shoulders, trying to grab my arms, as I’m still ripping the blanket into smaller and smaller pieces.

I let out a growl, louder, harsher than before, which makes her back off.

“Bathroom.” I hear behind me, I think from Caleb, but I’m too focused on ripping the final piece of the blanket apart to pay too much attention.

Once the blanket is sufficiently shredded, I reach down again, pulling up another blanket. It’s got sweet flowers on it and is made of super soft cotton.

I liked it so much when I saw it online, but now it just reminds me that nothing here is right. That this whole place is wrong.

The first tear into the fabric gives a satisfying sound, easing some of my tension, but none of the feeling of wrong, so I keep going.

Someone sits down at my side and I almost growl, until I notice it’s Luca and he’s holding out a large piece of blue and green crinkly paper. “This might be more satisfying.”

I stare at it, then at the mix of pillow filling and shredded blanket on my lap, before staring at the paper again. I reach out, touching the rough texture of the paper and immediately withdraw, shaking my head.

Then I reach through the pile on my lap and feel for the next thing, the next thing that is supposed to make me happy but won’t.

When I find it and pull it up, it’s one of the blankets that we made ourselves, from some super fluffy fabric we found in the fabric store. It has glow-in-the-dark moons and stars woven into it.

I stare at it, angry.

It’s another piece of what’s supposed to be our nest but doesn’t feel like it.

Another piece that makes it feel like I’m in some weird alternative reality, one where everything looks right but is wrong.

I grip the fabric tightly, testing the tension of it, but memories of Riley pinning and then sewing over the edges so that it wouldn’t fray pop into my head.

How happy she’d looked.

How excited I’d been when we found the fabric in the store.

How I’d wanted to cover the whole ceiling of our nest in it so that the moons and stars would light up in the dark.

I loosen my grip on the fabric, instead pulling it over me, wrapping myself in darkness and look at the small glowing star right in front of me.

Then I slide onto my back and push the blanket up with my knees as I let my fingers wander over even more of the moons and stars. They’re so pretty.

Caleb lifts the side of the blanket and carefully crawls under it with me, his breath warm on my arm as he speaks. “Let’s get you somewhere where you’re not breathing in millions of little pieces of fibres.”

I feel him reach out and I let out a warning growl. I don’t want to let go of the blanket, it’s the only piece of home I’ve found.

Only this one piece.

But he puts his arms under me and slowly lifts me up. “I’m not taking it from you. I’m just getting you to somewhere a little safer.”

I nod, pulling the blanket against me tighter.

This is mine.

I’m not giving it to anyone else.

The light around me dims and the sounds change, no longer the same as before, more hollow now.

“Let me go.” Mathew’s furious voice bounces off the tiled walls.

“Not if you’re going to destroy even more of the nest.” Jorge sounds like he’s struggling, like it’s hard for him to talk.

“Let me go .” Mathew’s growl is loud, pulling the same sound from my chest.

I pull the blanket aside, needing to find Mathew, needing to know why he’s so angry.

Jorge and Riley are holding Mathew between them. He’s struggling against their grips, trying to get away, no longer holding pieces of the pillow he was holding before.

The growl in my chest gets louder. It doesn’t compare to anything my Alphas can do or even the sound Mathew can make, but that’s not going to stop me. I flood my pheromones with anger, fury, and Caleb quickly lets me to the floor.

I stalk over to Mathew, and Jorge and Riley let him go. The moment I’m nearby, Mathew quickly takes me in his arms, pulling me close.

I hold onto him tightly, glaring at the Alphas.

Why is everything going wrong?

Why does everything look like our normal world but isn’t?

Why am I in this unreality?

Isn’t our reality hard enough to deal with? I don’t need even more shit.

Mathew slowly gets up and then carries me to the empty bath, putting me in it and then sliding in behind me, pulling me against his chest.

“Mine.” His voice is soft but clear. “Mine.”

I turn slightly and put my head on his chest, listening to his racing heart.

At least Mathew is the same as he always is.

My Omega.

My beautiful Omega.

At least he’s not any different, at least we’re trapped in here together, at least I’m not alone.

I notice movements from the other side of the bathroom. It’s Luca, who’s picking up the glow-in-the-dark blanket, holding it up for me to see.

I reach out, a whine starting.

Yes.

I want it.

I need it.

He slowly comes over and then pulls it over us, creating a kind of tent with just Mathew and me under it.

It’s warm and safe.

It feels so good that my eyes are slowly starting to drift closed, until I wake with a jolt, making me sit up.

No!

No!

I pull the blanket off us, staring around, a whine starting up again as I look at my mates.

I need them.

I need all my mates.

Underneath me, Mathew’s whine joins with mine and he looks around, a wild look in his eyes.

In moments, the others are at our side, reaching out, carefully touching us, flooding the space with their pheromones.

I need my mates.

I need all my mates.

In this confusing world, I need all my mates.