Page 3 of Secure Touch (Her Vicious Pack #8)

Mathew

My head is hazy. It makes it hard to think or do anything. The only concrete thought going through my mind right now is that I need Vera and the rest of my pack, I need all of them with me, and nobody else.

It’s scary how desperately I crave them.

I’ve never felt this desperate or needy before. And I guess I’m glad that it’s all so blurry in my head, because I don’t know how I’d have reacted to these sensations if I had a clear head. I’m used to being in control, the one pulling the strings, not the one who acts only on instinct and need.

And right now, instinct and need are all I have.

When we left Erika and her pack back at the houses, Jorge told me that Vera wasn’t doing too well and that Caleb was carrying her home because going by car didn’t seem like the best idea.

He said that we’d meet them back here. But, of course, we arrived well before them, and when I tried to go into the house, get everything ready so that Vera could immediately fall asleep in our nest, something weird happened.

The moment I smelled the pheromones of anyone but my mates, a growl would build in my chest, and my body started acting strangely. I would get alert, but also recoil as much as possible, my body going into protective mode.

I couldn’t be near anyone else, which meant that —with so many other people in the house— I couldn’t get to our nest either.

Since there were still people working at the house and moving between there and the training complex, we couldn’t stay and wait for Vera and Caleb. Instead, we went to the garden adjacent to my office, since nobody but us usually comes there.

As we were walking, every sliver of pheromones that didn’t come from my mates would set my body on edge, would make me growl, would make me grab for Jorge, Riley or Luca.

If my mind hadn’t been so resolutely focused on needing to be with my mates and how to make that happen as quickly as possible, I might have been mortified by how I was acting. It was so far outside of my normal it was scary.

I have a vague memory of Riley taking a knife from my fingers as she tried to soothe me, because I’d caught the scent of Eli when we walked around Derrick’s pack’s house.

I now realise that Riley was trying to make sure Luca didn’t see the knife, that we wouldn’t scare him even more than we already were, but I don’t think it really worked.

I’m pretty sure he saw exactly what happened.

Feeling this out of this, feeling this unlike my usual self, it’s scary. It’s scary how desperately I needed to be with my mates, how much I needed them and wanted them.

How distressed I was that I didn’t have my whole pack with me.

Is this normal for Omegas?

Is it normal to feel so desperate and unsettled if you can’t be near your mates?

Is it normal to not be able to stand the outside world and only want your mates around?

Because I hate it.

I hate feeling so lost and vulnerable.

I hate feeling like the world is falling apart when my mates aren’t with me.

I’ve always been independent. I’ve always been strong. I’ve always been able to take care of myself, not needing help from anyone else.

So, why am I feeling so weak suddenly?

I hate it so much.

I burrow my nose deeper into Vera’s neck. I don’t crave her pheromones the same way as I crave them from my Alphas and Beta —theirs I need to feel whole, to feel like I belong, Vera’s I need to feel safe and secure. She makes me feel safe in ways that none of the others are able to.

She’s an Omega. She knows how to be an Omega.

I have no clue how to act or what to expect from being an Omega, but she does. Being near her is the only way I can make sense of my life since the night Vera and Caleb came here.

After my pheromone problem started, I didn’t have to deal with the usual Omega stuff like heats or strongly reacting to pheromones.

I still noticed them, but I wasn’t too affected, not as much as before.

Though, my headstrong personality and my ‘fuck this world and everyone in it’ attitude probably helped with that too.

Meeting and becoming friends-with-many-benefits with Jorge wasn’t exactly comfortable, because we knew from the moment we met that we were mates and ignoring that put a strain on our bodies.

But because of my issues, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.

We could meet up, have sex, and then go our separate ways again.

It wasn’t pleasant, but it was doable and it was the best I could do at the time.

Having Vera around has changed that.

Having Vera around has changed a lot of things. A lot of fun things, but also a lot of things that I now suddenly have to learn to live with, experiences I’ve not had for over a decade, and that gets scary at times. Scary and frustrating.

I’m suddenly having to learn to see the world like an Omega again, at least in some ways.

Because my body is now doing ‘normal Omega things’ like reacting to my mates’ pheromones, going into heat and, well, the whole being pregnant situation.

All things I’ve never had to think about before, not while the Hearts had me —because they made sure of that with meds— and definitely not after my pheromones stopped working properly. But now I do have to think about them.

The only person who has made it all manageable has been Vera. When she’s around, I don’t feel as lost or as scared. I know that she’ll protect me. She’ll help me. She’ll make me feel safe.

And right now, I need that safety. I need it so much.

I need my other mates to feel grounded, to feel calm, but I need Vera to feel safe .

I wake up slightly when Vera moves, her lips brushing against my neck. I tighten my arms around her and nuzzle her hair, enjoying her sweet honey scent. It’s no longer filled with as much distress and I feel my own —barely there— pheromones have calmed down too.

My head is clearer, though a tension remains, a tension that makes me feel like whatever happened last night isn’t far away, it’s just not quite here right now.

“How are you feeling?” Caleb’s voice is quiet against my back.

“Rough.” I chuckle softly as Vera now starts to kiss my neck in earnest. I run my fingers over her back and she lets out a sweet happy sound.

It’s much too warm under the blankets and very stuffy, but the thought of getting out is doing bad things to my brain, so I stay right where I am.

When I try to turn onto my back, I notice that Luca has moved while I was asleep.

He’s no longer sitting but instead he’s on his back, sideways from us, so Vera and I can still use his legs as a pillow, but he’s no longer in some awkward position.

I guess it’s probably a lot more comfortable for him, especially for however long we’ve been using him as a pillow.

“How long have I slept?” I’m hungry, but that doesn’t really say that much. I’m usually either hungry or feeling nauseous lately.

“A couple of hours. It’s probably seven in the morning or something.

” Caleb helps me turn so I can look at him as Vera makes herself comfortable on my chest. She’s awake, but clearly not up for doing anything right now.

“I heard some of the guys get to work, but nobody bothered us. I think Derrick warned everyone not to get close to us unless we give the okay.” He laughs quietly, so at ease.

Probably. Derrick is always on top of things that way, always predicting what needs to happen and getting ahead of any problems.

But if Vera and I can’t be around anyone else right now, that’s going to complicate things, a lot.

I guess I should be glad that Erika and her pack arrived last night, because it means that we can keep things running around here, at least a bit, but the more practical things are going to be more complicated.

Simple things, like how to have breakfast or lunch or dinner, or how to go to the loo, or how to take a shower, when we can’t even be in the house.

This is one of those moments when not having lived as an Omega for a decade is complicated. Is it normal for Omegas to feel like this sometimes? Is Vera taking this as just another day of being an Omega? Or is this not normal? Is this freaking her out as much as it’s freaking me out?

If we were alone, I would ask her right now. But I don’t want to talk about these things with all the others here. And I don’t want to send the others away either.

So, those questions will have to wait until later.

Another reason the questions will have to wait is because I need to use the loo, a lot. Which, eh, is going to be interesting .

If all this pheromone stuff had happened while we were in the house and we were hiding out in our nest, this wouldn’t have been a problem.

Since we could have used our usual bathroom, but since we’re outside and the only loos around here are the ones shared with everyone else on the ground floor. .. Tricky.

While I wish I could stay under the blankets longer, my bladder is winning out.

I carefully sit up, which seems to wake up the rest of the pack too, and I look around.

While I don’t really want to, I guess that if I just need to take a leak, I don’t really need to go inside for that.

Vera immediately grabs my arm as I start getting up, her pheromones flaring in alarm.

I lean over, giving her a soft kiss. “Only going to take care of my bladder, behind a couple of trees.”

“Ah.” Her voice is soft as she slowly lets go of me. “If you need to go, you need to go.”

I can’t help laughing as I give her another kiss. “I’ll be right back.” I take a deep breath, taking in her sweet scent, and then quickly go over to the trees furthest away from the house.

On my way, I catch a few slivers of pheromones from people not in our pack, immediately giving me the same sensations as I had last night, first the revulsion and then the desperation, needing to be with my pack.

This is so fucking annoying, and it makes me angry because I don’t want any of this. I don’t want to have to deal with any of this. Why is my body like this?

Why is my body reacting like this?

Why can’t my body just be normal ?

After I’ve relieved myself, I reach up and touch some of the leaves of a nearby apple tree. It wasn’t that long ago that I kissed Riley under one of these trees, the first night she was here.

Everything, from Vera and Caleb arriving, to Jorge joining us, to meeting Riley and now finding Luca, it’s all been so fast. It hasn’t even been three months yet.

Not to forget, Vera and my pregnancy on top of all of that...

My life has changed so much in under three months. Not even a whole season has passed and my life is nothing like it was before.

“Mathew?” Jorge is standing nearby, his eyes on me careful, filled with worry. “Everything okay?”

“I’m okay.” I pull up my shoulder. “Apart from, you know, what happened last night, but I’m okay.”

He comes closer, reaching out to me, carefully sliding his arms around me, letting his cedar scent surround me.

The careful touch, not because he’s scared or fearful of me, but because he doesn’t want to hurt me, because he’s worried about my safety, my comfort, breaks something inside me and I grip his shirt hard, pulling him closer as tears start sliding down my cheeks.

He tightens his arms around me, pulling me closer. He’s not tall like Caleb, or curvy like Riley, he’s basically built exactly the same as me, but right now, in this moment, when everything feels so strange and overwhelming, he’s exactly what I need.

I need him, because he’s the only stable thing from my life before everything changed, because he feels familiar and reminds me of easier times.