Page 72 of Secrets Beneath the Waves

“Thank you for being there for me,” she said sincerely.

“That’s what I’m here for,” he said. “I’ll check in on you tomorrow.”

“I’ll be fine,” she assured him, forcing a small smile.

It seemed like he wanted to kiss her but hugged her instead. Holding it long enough for her to feel the sentiment behind it. She wondered if the whole romantic thing was a ruse. It felt real.

“Don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything.”

She nodded, and with that, he was gone, leaving the house eerily quiet.

Ellie made the energy drink concoction, then sat back down on the couch. After downing it in only a few gulps, she leanedback and closed her eyes. Images from the day replayed in her mind: the man’s lifeless body collapsing in the alley, the sound of his neck snapping.Matthew speeding to the rescue.

Her mother’s voice interrupted her thoughts and was stern and unyielding.

You should’ve killed the second man.

I was afraid of the fallout. The police. Newspapers. Television stations.

You had him in your sights, but you hesitated. Hesitation will get you killed, Ellie.

I know. You’re right. I screwed up.

The gun had been in her hand. One squeeze of the trigger, and the second man would’ve fallen like the first. It should’ve been simple—a textbook decision.

Why didn’t she kill him?

Her mind was now splintered into fragments of memory that went back years.

Ellie was nine years old. She crouched in the darkened hallway outside her parents’ study, her knees pressed into the cold floor. She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but her mother mentioned her name, and it had drawn her in.

“Hesitation will get you killed, Ellie,” her mother said to her dad. “That’s what I told her.”

Ellie had peered around the edge of the door, watching as her mom simulated a killing maneuver on a doll she had in her hand. Bringing back a traumatic memory from earlier that day.

“I tried to teach Ellie how to snap a person’s neck, but she started crying. She didn’t want to hurt the doll.”

Her dad chuckled. “Let her be a kid for a while, would you?”

“I’m not sure Ellie has what it takes. She’s too caring. In this world, mercy is a weakness. A luxury we can’t afford.”

“Don’t push her too hard. Ellie is sensitive. I don’t want her to lose that quality.”

“I don’t either, but if nothing else, she needs to learn self-defense.”

“She can already do a roundhouse kick that would knock out a two-hundred-pound man.”

“She says she wants to be a spy like me.” Her mother’s voice was cold. “If she doesn’t have that killer instinct now, I can’t instill it in her later.”

That night, Ellie had lain awake in her bed and stared at the ceiling. The words echoed in her mind:Mercy is a weakness.It was then she decided she didn’t want to be like her mother.

And yet she was. She’d snapped that man’s neck without even thinking.

She suddenly felt angry.

Was this what you wanted for me, Mom? To become a killing machine, void of empathy? Well, it worked. Are you happy now? I’m just like you.

Her mother’s voice snarled in her mind:You aren’t like me.I would’ve killed the second man.