Page 211 of Secrets Beneath the Waves

Instead, I asked quietly, “Have you ever lost someone?”

“Yes. My oldest brother’s name was Patrick. He was strong, very disciplined, and fiercely patriotic. The day he turned eighteen, he enlisted. I’m not sure exactly why. If it was a deep sense of duty, or if he needed to prove himself for some reason. But he was invincible to me. He rose quickly through the ranks, proving just why he was my hero.”

Graham pauses for a moment, then says, “During his last deployment something went very wrong. I’m not sure where he was, but there was an ambush. Patrick went missing. There was no body. No evidence. He was just gone.”

I feel a spike of guilt that washes away some of my anger. Maybe this is his motivation for coming to me.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

Graham nods. “He was reported as MIA, but we never gave up on him. My mother, especially, she always believed that wewould find him one day. I think it was the only way she could keep going. There were never answers. Some rumors. Some said he’d been killed somewhere in the Middle East. There were even rumors that he and another soldier had been captured.”

Graham lets out a sharp breath, and I wait quietly, letting him steady his emotions before he continues.

“Then one day he returned. He never spoke about what happened to him. We assume he was a prisoner of war. He came back malnourished, scarred from being tortured, and changed. He used to be loud and always telling jokes. Now he’s quiet. He says he’s forgotten certain things. I don’t know if those are things that he can’t explain or just won’t. Because he wasn’t lost. We know that. Someone kept him all that time. He’s done his best to rebuild his life. But every day is a challenge. It’s been six years now, and there have been days when he was on suicide watch. Days when I found my mother crying because it wasn’t her son that came back. Sometimes you have to be careful what you pray for.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You had no way of knowing. I only told you his story, because I want you to know that I understand loss and I’m on your side in this.”

“Is that why you joined the CIA?” I ask.

“I was just starting college when Patrick went missing. I struggled for a long time to know what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be like Patrick, but everyone thought he was a hero. He gave his everything for his country. I couldn’t compete with him. So for a while I made a lot of bad decisions. Found myself headed down a very different path. And then when Patrick came back, something clicked inside me. I joined the Marines and later was recruited by the CIA.”

“What does your mother think about that decision?”

“She’s one of the few people who actually knows what I do. I think she realizes that, like Patrick, I may not come home. She’s happy that her other three sons are a schoolteacher, a CPA, and a barber.”

“Sometimes we forget that our family’s job can be as hard as ours.”

The waiting. The uncertainty. I know it’s not easy.

“I try to contact her as often as I can. Patrick lives with my parents. He works full-time for a nonprofit that services veterans. I know it helps him as much as he helps others, but it’s still hard.”

“I guess we simply don’t know what the future holds. Just like we can never go back and change the past,” I say.

Because I know I can’t undo what happened on that bridge that day, but to stop searching for the truth?

“I don’t think I can promise I won’t keep digging for the truth.”

“If I’m honest, I didn’t think I’d be able to convince you to stop searching. But at least promise me you’ll be careful.”

“I will.”

Graham glances at the door. “Will you be okay here by yourself?”

I nod. “I’ll be fine. Really.”

“I know you’re tired, but tomorrow I’d like to come back and up your security.”

“I don’t need?—”

“Let me help.”

I nod, not knowing what else to do.

The bottom line is I can’t sit back and do nothing. This isn’t about my protecting an asset from becoming a target. Instead, I’m afraid I might have become a target myself.

EPILOGUE