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Chapter twenty-one

Soliloquy

Zayne

The waves struck against the rocking boat as I released Ayla and returned to the Umbral Star . Shock, relief, and fear pulsed between us as we turned toward Leo. Already, the turtle raced away, bobbing through the waves as she vanished into the horizon.

Ayla hunched over as she sucked in a deep breath.

I looked to the afternoon sky, gritting my teeth against the pain. Our bond made it impossible to discern where my shock began and her grief ended, and despite the emotional onslaught, I would do anything to take this hurt from her.

“Where’s Ninti?” Vanessa asked from the crow’s nest. When neither of us responded, she descended, joining us on the deck, her glow dulling in concern.

“Ninti needs time to heal, and Leo’s shell is the best place for that,” I answered so Ayla wouldn’t have to. “We’re ready to go back to Mer—”

“But how ?” Vanessa insisted.

Ayla shook.

“Not now,” I urged the sprite.

But Ayla squeezed out a whimper. “We were training” — breath — “Tried something new and... It went wrong.”

Vanessa slowly nodded before retreating to the crow’s nest. “Mer, it is.”

“Come here,” I tugged Ayla closer to me. “You should get some rest.”

“Shouldn’t we talk?”

“Once the shock has worn off,” I promised. Slowly, I led her toward the cabin. For now she needed bed and rest and—

Suddenly, she straightened, her every muscle tensing as she stepped out of my grasp, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Wait, you said you took the shard, right?”

I steadied, eyeing the space between us as I indicated the pocket containing the shards. “Yes.”

“And?”

I’ve accepted a shade army.

I looked away. “You should rest. We’ll talk soon.”

Her lips drew into a thin line, but she didn’t argue, turning around and entering the cabin.

I followed after, reaching for her hand—

She moved on without me. “I need some time to myself.”

Oh.

I staggered, needing to hold her. If I wrapped her in my arms, I could heal her wounds. Together, we could deepen the bond, so ensconced in one another that it would be as if the events on Dusk had never been.

She hunched her shoulders and lowered her voice. “Is there something I should know?”

The tether bade me to soothe her emotions, achingly hot beneath her calm exterior, but I forced myself to focus on what mattered most. “Just tell me if you’re safe. Are we at risk of that happening again, and if so, how can I prepare?”

“I don’t think so. It was something Ninti and I attempted together.”

“Okay.” That was some relief.

She turned back toward the cabin and pushed the door open. I hesitated, unsure whether I could pull her into a final hug, but she wore this coldness like a shield, one she was clinging to.

“I’ll check on you in a couple hours,” I offered.

“Thank you,” she whispered before vanishing behind the cabin’s door.

I turned around, facing the sea, mist spraying my face as Vanessa began our return journey. Forcing myself to leave the aching tether alone, I focused on checking our provisions.

It had been a long day.

I made a meal for myself, and slowly worked through the rote of eating. Was Ayla hungry, did she want food? She had some provisions with her, but should I give her options?

I wished I had asked earlier.

Dusk came and went, but my speaking stone didn’t activate. It meant I should assume Eleanor was fine, but what I would have given for a distraction.

Ayla hadn’t stepped foot from the cabin.

The tether told me she was fine but distant. Tempted as I was to reach across it and find her, I knew better. What had happened to Ninti had shocked her, and she’d struggled to meet my gaze ever since. She needed rest, and she’d only feel like she had to explain herself to me.

Knowing that she was in pain and I was powerless to help was a particularly nasty sort of vexing.

But even if we were talking, I didn’t know how to describe the vault.

I could barely process it, my head aching as it adjusted to the magical strain.

The shade army remained on the edge of my consciousness, silent and deadly, strands of magic waiting to be picked up.

Guardian was there, the entirety of the vault at my disposal.

Everything was now mine; Inarus had seen to it.

I’m not like him. I don’t want war.

I poured myself a glass of dark red wine, breathing deep as the waves pounded against the boat. Savoring the somber drink, I tried to calm my thoughts, hoping for sleep.

“Smells delicious,” Vanessa purred, coming closer to sniff the drink.

“Can you smell wine?” I asked.

“Kind of. It’s mostly water, so I sense it in my way. I loved it when Jasmine had wine.”

At the mention of Vanessa’s deceased lover, I frowned, a new wave of sadness taking hold as I drew the scarf from its pocket. Vanessa froze.

I swallowed. “I found her. Jasmine’s shade was at Dusk.”

“Oh.” She took the scarf’s end and stroked the tassels. “It took me ages to make. Keeping the fabric dry was such a nightmare.”

I handed it to her. “It’s yours. I wish I could do more. There were thousands of shades. Maybe, next time I’m there, I can release her and…”

Vanessa wasn’t listening. The sprite had wrapped the scarf around herself, the fabric dampening where it touched her skin. “I never said goodbye to her. It happened too fast. And this... This means a lot.”

“It’s the least I could do.”

She blinked, taking it all in.

In our shared silence, I took a final sip of wine, and when I set the empty glass down, it clinked against the table.

Vanessa looked up at me, her eyes more watery than normal. “Thank you,” she whispered before sweeping up the mast and vanishing into her nest, glowing the dullest of blues.

Alone again, I looked wistfully back at the ship’s cabin.

Several hours had passed. Through the tether, I suspected Ayla had fallen asleep, her emotions settling into a steady hum.

I should sleep too.

I snuck toward the cabin, using my shadows so I wouldn’t wake her. She was curled up on her side of the bed, making herself so small my heart wrenched at the sight.

Silent, I stripped down to my boxers. I folded my cloak and set it next to my pillow before crawling into the bed, careful not to touch her. But soon, the bed shifted. In sleep, Ayla turned over, stretching out a leg to entwine it with mine.

I smiled, relieved.

We’d figure it out. We always did.

Preparing to sleep, I glanced at my cloak. The pocket glowed an even brighter purple, as if the set of shards were stronger together than any piece had been alone. It was a relief to know my hunch had been right and we were one step closer to our goal. But all the same…

If I could justify the shade army, what else would I be willing to excuse in the name of protecting those I loved?