Page 10 of Searching for Elizabeth (A Pride and Prejudice Variation)

—afternoon—

Elizabeth Bennet was enjoying every minute of her ramble, but when she crested a small hill, she suddenly had to stop short to avoid running straight into a tenant who knew her quite well. More precisely, she barely managed to avoid running into the almost-grown son of one of Longbourn’s tenants. His name was Bernie Millcroft, and even though she was tucked well away within her hood, he recognized her immediately.

“Miss Lizzy!”

“Good afternoon, Mr. Millcroft.”

Lizzy thought fast; it was not unusual for her to walk alone, but she was far enough from Longbourn for her location to be unusual, and therefore noteworthy. Actually, given the fact that nobody else in the Bennet family, other than Mary, cared to walk, it was unusual for anyone to see her during her rambles.

She wondered if she should make some excuse.

Before she had a chance to explain her presence so far from Longbourn, Bernie said, “That man called Mr. Darcy asked about you yesterday. Did he ever find you, for that order your mama wanted you to get?”

“Mr. Darcy?”

“Ya, you remember him, right, miss? The one what’s with the other London fellow, up at Netherfield.”

Lizzy nodded.

“Yes…I have met him.”

She smiled at Bernie and said, “I have even danced with him, at the Netherfield ball. But…what did he say when you saw him?”

Bernie turned his gaze upward and said, “Well, he was near the greengrocer, and he said that he had called on your family, and then he had to come get some things in Meryton, and so your mother asked him to let you know she needed something…I do not think he told me what she needed, because we got stuck on the question of whether or not I had seen you, that day. Like, he was trying to find you. Of course, I had not seen you, so I said so.”

“I see,”

Lizzy said. Even after Mary’s revelation that Mr. Darcy had called at Longbourn, she was quite astonished to hear that he had been searching for news about her in Meryton. She realized it gave her a very good, very warm feeling; he must surely like her, at least a little, she decided. She said, “No, I never did see Mr. Darcy, and I certainly did not pick up whatever it was my mother requested.”

“Oh, dear, that is a shame,”

Bernie said. He seemed ridiculously concerned, considering the current state of Lizzy’s life, and she smiled comfortingly at him.

“Listen, Bernie, I have some troubles in my life, at the moment. I cannot tell you all about them, not right now, but I need you to not tell anybody that you saw me here, today. Even if someone were to ask, please do not tell them.”

“What is wrong, Miss Lizzy?”

he said. He looked horrified at the request she had made. But his gaze was open; she could tell that he was worried for her, not scared of her.

“Again, I cannot say, but I promise you that there is no evil in you helping to keep my location secret. Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do. You are the Angel of Longbourn; you know that any of your tenants would do anything for you.”

Lizzy smiled.

“Thank you so much. Have a good day, and perhaps I will see you again soon.”

As Lizzy walked as rapidly as she could, her thoughts were tumbled about. What was Mr. Darcy about? She just could not picture him doing the things he had done: coming to Longbourn, asking for her, and then—apparently—holing up with her father to lay out the truth about a despicable man. Telling her father about the private doings of his family, even; he had said that Mr. Wickham had tried to ruin a relative of his. Yes, that was hard for Lizzy to picture, because Mr. Darcy was so very reserved. Private. Proud.

But, once he did not find her at Longbourn, had he really, actually, gone on to search for her elsewhere? Going into Meryton to…talk to people so decidedly below his own station? Talking to…perhaps shopkeepers, and tenants?

In the tumult of her thoughts, Lizzy felt flashes of irritation. Why was it Mr. Darcy’s business, where she was? Would people talk about him trying to find her? He had made up an innocent excuse, but was that not so ridiculous that people would see it for the lie it was?

Lizzy would have thought that disguise of any sort would be abhorrent to him…but he had gone off to Meryton in the guise of someone shopping and also carrying a message from mother to daughter. She was amazed as well as irritated.

And another feeling resurrected, welling up again within her. She felt…good. It felt nice that someone cared enough to look for her. It felt wonderful that an intelligent and handsome man, a man of sense and education, who had lived in the world rather being trapped, as she had been, without schooling or governess, on her father’s estate…that such a man…cared?…Cared enough, perhaps, to ascertain if she was alive and well?

Once she was safe in Blackthorn Cottage, Lizzy dealt with her confusion of feelings as she always did: she got out pen and paper and ink, and she began to write. This time, it was poetry rather than children’s tales.

When people break free of the ought to’s of the world

The dictates of Father

The mandates of Mother

The expectations of friends

The rules of society

Is it for love?

For honor? For pride of family?

Is it enough to be yourself…just for yourself?

Or is that just selfish striving and prideful stirrings?

Motivations as unclean

As the food scraps in a pig’s trough

Or the dusty grains of corn gobbled by poults

Lizzy scribbled her incoherent musings until her body told her that it was time to diminish her food stores once again. She rose up to study what remained in her little cupboard. She wondered if she should dare to go to Meryton, soon, to buy more food, or if she should get some funds to Bernie to purchase more food for her, or….