Page 27 of Score to Settle (Oakwood Ranch #1)

Even as his words land with a crushing realization, another part of me wants to pull him close once more, whisper that we very much should.

But then the knock at the door comes and we’re both leaping away anyway.

Jake’s back hits the wall and suddenly we’re grinning and laughing, even as my face burns crimson.

Jake reaches for the door and takes the tray from the waiter, and I lean against the wall, trying to stay upright as desire courses through me alongside the knowledge that Jake was pulling back, telling me we shouldn’t go any further.

He’s right—of course he’s right—but the rejection is sharp and stinging regardless.

I cover my face with my hands and groan as Jake closes the door.

He puts the tray on the edge of the bed and I can feel him looking at me. “Harper?—”

“I’m sorry,” I blurt.

“I’m not,” Jake says, and when I drop my hands and look at him, I realize I’m not sorry either, but that doesn’t make it right. Or me any less embarrassed.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” I say. “It was so unprofessional. I’m supposed to be writing a feature about you.

” I think of my resolve to put some boundaries between us and Tim’s warning against the lines being blurred.

That’s all this is. I was sad and a bit horny and Jake is…

he’s the hottest man I’ve ever met. “We can’t let that happen again. ”

I think I catch a flash of disappointment on Jake’s face, but it’s gone in an instant and I’m already questioning if it was even there. He’s the one who pulled away , I remind myself.

With a smile now playing on his lips, he raises a finger to his chest, drawing an X. “I promise not to kiss you again,” he says, and I ignore another wave of heat flooding my body that I want to pretend is humiliation but I know is disappointment.

I nod and smile gratefully, telling myself this is for the best. We only have two more weeks together anyway.

I’m a journalist who needs to stay professional.

A journalist who could be out of a job come January.

Jake is a pro football player with a bad reputation.

We don’t fit. And even if that wasn’t all true, I can’t afford to risk my heart for this man again.

Just two more weeks together , I remind myself. Then we’ll both get on with our lives. I can handle this.

“Can we forget it happened?” I say.

“It’s forgotten,” he replies. “Let’s eat and watch trashy TV.”

“What’s the deal with your dad?” Jake asks when we’re finished and the tray is outside the room.

After moving awkwardly around each other, we’re now side by side beneath the bed covers.

I stare into the darkness pretending my skin isn’t tingling with the heat from Jake’s body.

Just like I pretend I don’t notice Jake slide off his tee so he’s now naked from the waist up.

“It’s complicated,” I reply.

“When isn’t it?”

I remember the moment under the bridge in the storm on Saturday. Jake’s honesty about his father’s death. I’m surprised to find I want to be honest too.

“My mom died when I was three. A drunk driver slammed into our car when we were driving back from the store. I don’t remember the crash and I’m not sure I remember my mom either. When I think of her, all I have is the photos I’ve seen and this feeling of warmth.”

“Harper, I’m sorry,” he says and I know he gets it. “Losing my dad was the worst thing that happened to me, but I can’t imagine how much harder it would’ve been without the memories I have of him.”

“Maybe it’s easier if you can’t remember,” I say, but I don’t really believe it.

The truth is, I’d give anything for a memory of my mom.

“At the time, Dad was at the height of his career. He was traveling all over the world. The last thing he wanted was to come home and look after me. So he didn’t.

He hired nannies to do it. I grew up raised by people who were paid to pretend to love and care for me.

I remember wishing every single time that they’d fall in love with me and my dad and become the mom I wanted.

“I didn’t know any different until I started going to friends’ houses and seeing what families and love really looked like.

I think my dad loves me in his own way, but he’s very focused.

When he was home, we’d talk about my homework and what I wanted to do with my life and the steps I needed to take to get there.

I know he was disappointed when I chose to follow in his footsteps, even more so when I started getting interested in sports journalism.

I guess I thought if I was a journalist too then we’d have something in common, but it seemed to only drive us further apart.

He told me when I left for college he wouldn’t support nepotism.

It was fine. I never wanted his help. He comes back to Denver every few months when he’s finished with whichever story he’s chasing, and we see each other for a coffee or a bite to eat. That’s it.”

“And this awards dinner on Tuesday… you don’t want to go?” Jake asks.

I let out a long exhale. “Not really. It makes me sound like a terrible daughter, doesn’t it?

I really am happy for him. But it’s not just my dad at this dinner.

It’s going to be a room filled with award-winning journalists.

I’m sure they all know George Cassidy’s daughter was fired from Insight . It’s going to be awful.”

“Even though it was because a sleazy editor made a pass at you and it wasn’t your fault?”

“No one knows that. My editor made sure no one believed my side of what happened.”

“Well, who cares what they think? You like working at Sports Magazine , right?”

I stare straight up in the dark, aware of every dip of the mattress when Jake shifts, every breath I’m taking.

“Yeah, I do.” I like Tim and the style of the magazine.

And even though I hate that people see me as a failure, I like being back in Denver, too.

“But just to make things worse, my ex, Scott, is going to be at the awards dinner too.”

“He’s a journalist?”

I nod. “And a total ass. He’s close to my dad, though. Scott and I dated in college, and when I took him home, the two of them hit it off. Dad helped Scott out a lot with his career. And he’s doing really well because of it.”

“Your dad helped your ex but wouldn’t help you?” Jake’s surprise rings in the darkness.

“Yep. Scott and I broke up after a year. It turns out he was sleeping with half the girls on the course, including my college roommate. It wasn’t a great loss, to be honest. I realized afterward what a prick he was.

He always made me feel like I was in the wrong.

” I take a breath. I could say more about Scott.

Of all the ways he’s an entitled dick, but I push it aside, not wanting to give the man any more space in my thoughts.

“But he stayed in touch with my dad. They’re still close.

He’s going to be at the dinner and he’s giving a speech to introduce my dad. ”

“Couldn’t you have done that?” Jake asks.

I laugh. “That would’ve required my dad to see me as something other than a giant disappointment.”

“Harp—”

“It’s fine, Jake,” I cut in, injecting a lightness into my voice and almost believing it. “I’m honestly doing fine. It’s only one night, and despite everything, I do want to support my dad.”

Jake is quiet for a long time and I think he’s fallen asleep but then he whispers, “This won’t mean anything because I’m just me, but you’re fucking awesome. If your dad and the room full of journalists on Tuesday can’t see that, then it’s their loss.”

I lie awake for a long time, remembering the loneliness of my childhood.

All the nights I longed for a mom I’d never known but was acutely aware was missing in my life.

And then as a teen, when sixteen-year-old me would fill that loneliness with dreams of Jake Sullivan noticing me for the first time and thinking I was awesome.

Jake is wrong. His comment is everything.