Page 45 of Scars of Anatomy

I know this isn’t the most ideal place for our first time being intimate; the harsh florescent lights in the dorm rooms are far from romantic.

If anything, I pictured candles casting a soft glow and flowers everywhere, along with a plush king-size bed, not a shitty twin-size mattress that’s almost as stiff as cardboard.

But I know what hooking up in this room symbolizes, since I’ve refused to bring anyone back here before.

How it would change everything and show her just how much she means to me.

How she’s nothing like the other girls. Not even close.

I swallow thickly. “Yeah, baby. You can keep it on if you want to, and just know we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” I reiterate, needing her to know that I expect nothing from her.

That she doesn’t have to feel obligated to do this just because we made up and emotions are running high.

A flash of relief passes in her eyes before they turn soft, adoring. “I want to,” she affirms, her voice absolutely sure.

It takes everything in me not to take her right this second.

“Finch—” I strain, fighting against my most basic instincts to starttearing her clothes off.

She leans up and gently presses her lips to mine, letting me know she’s sure, and I’m a goner.

Slowly, I skim my hand up her spine under her shirt until I reach the clasp of her bra.

“Can we take this off?” I ask, hesitant, not wanting to completely push her boundaries.

She nods, and with one flick of my fingers the back comes undone, and she works her arms through the straps and the holes of her shirt, managing to pull her bra out, dropping it to the floor.

I can’t help but stare down at her perfect, petite breasts, her nipples pebbling through the shirt.

Unable to resist, I dip my head low and take one into my mouth, sucking softly through the fabric.

She takes in a sharp breath, arching her back. Her hand flies to the back of my head, fingers carding through my hair. Sweet little moans pour from the back of her throat, and I automatically decide it’s my favorite sound ever.

Switching breasts, I give the other one the same treatment, and my hands find their way to her jeans and my fingers work on popping open the button and pulling down the zipper.

I kiss down her clothed torso, leaving an open-mouthed kiss when my lips finally graze skin, only a small sliver of it showing between the hem of her shirt and jeans.

I hook my fingers under the waistband of her jeans and panties, looking up at her through my lashes for permission. Panting, she pushes up onto her elbows and nods, observing my every move.

Carefully, I ease the fabric down her long legs, revealing her sex. I swallow thickly before looking up and meeting her gaze, her eyes hooded and cheeks flushed.

Keeping eye contact, I spread her legs open and press my lips to the inside of her thigh, purposefully grazing the stubble of my jaw against the tender skin as I work my way up. She whimpers, her head lolling back as her legs fall open more.

Just before my lips reach her center, I quickly swap over to the other leg, placing another string of kisses up the inside her other thigh. But this time, right before I’m about to bury my face between her legs, she grabs my face and pulls me up to her mouth, kissing my lips.

Her whole body is tense, and I can tell she’s nervous. Something like that is probably more intimate to her than actual sex, and I get it, I’m not going to push her to do anything she’s uncomfortable with.

“We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for,” I assure her.

I watch her throat work on a swallow, her eyes suddenly shying away from mine. “I’m sorry, I’ve just never done that. I’ve actually never done anything before.”

“Wait.” My stomach swirls with a mix of emotions. “You’ve never?”

She shakes her head, still refusing to meet my gaze.

I close my eyes, clenching my jaw to reel in any shred of restraint I have left.

Cool fingertips run along my cheek and land on my chin, tipping my head up.

I open my eyes to meet hers, and she slowly leans up and presses her lips to mine.

It’s so soft, gentle. Intimate. The fact that she’s willing to give me more—give me something she’s never given anyone else—somehow makes me love her even more.

I place my hand on her cheek and marvel at her beautiful features, loving every inch of her. She turns her head and presses a delicate kiss to my wrist, nearly destroying me.

Gingerly, I ease her hair out of its ponytail, watching it splay across my pillow like a halo. I slide her hair tie around my wrist and lean down to kiss her once more.

“Let me make you feel good,” I murmur against her lips, wanting to warm her up and have her first time be as pleasurable as possible.

Reaching down, I let my fingers skim the inside of her thigh before moving up to the apex of her hips and between her legs. She gasps into my mouth as soon as my fingers find her soft, warm, wet skin, rubbing circles.

A string of sighs and moans falls from her lips as my hand explores between her thighs, and eventually her trembling legs squeeze my hips as her head falls back into the pillow.

“That’s it, baby. Let go,” I urge her.

Her back arches off the bed and her fingers dig into my back, pulling me closer. With just a few more strokes of my fingers she shatters beneath me, and I swallow her cries as she comes apart.

I let her catch her breath, stroking her hair as she comes down from her high. She slowly blinks her eyes open, her pupils contracting back to a normal size.

I kiss her slowly, sweetly, groaning when her fingertips trail down my body to the waistband of my jeans. With shaky fingers, she pops open the button and pulls down the zipper, tugging at the fabric.

I capture her hands, threading our fingers together and placing them above her head. I kiss her lips a few more times before crawling off the bed and kicking off my jeans, then walk over to my dresser and pull out a condom.

Crawling back on top of her, between her legs, I stare deep into her eyes, searching. I can tell she’s nervous.

“Finch, you’re sure about this?” I ask, afraid to ask again, but I feel like I have to.

I’ve imagined this moment for so long, spent so many nights thinking about her, but I won’t pressure her into anything she isn’t ready for. I’ll wait if she isn’t ready, no matter how badly I want her.

She hesitates, her eyes flickering with realization of what we’re about to do. She stares at me long and hard, vulnerability written all over her face. And then I detect it. Insecurity.

I can practically see the mental barrier, the warning signs going off in her head, telling her this isn’t my first time. That this is nothing new to me, nothing special. But, god, is she wrong. No one has or will ever compare to her.

“I love you,” I whisper. “I’ve loved no one but you. Will love no one but you,” I confess.

And just like that, her eyes clear and any lingering negative thoughts fade away. She knows I’m not going to use her and leave right after I take from her what no other man has. She knows I’ll stay for as long as she’ll have me.

She grabs my face and brings me down for a kiss. “I love you. I’m sure.”

I press my hips into hers, grinding against her, showing her just what kind of effect she has on me, while kissing her senseless.

She trails her fingers down my body once more, hooking her fingers into the waistband of my boxers, pushing them down. I kick them off and grab the condom, pulling my lips away from hers to tear the foil packet open with my teeth, then roll it on.

Tenderly, I caress her face, staring into her eyes as I line myself up at her entrance.

“No one but you,” I murmur before sealing my lips to hers and pushing into her.

Gently, I feed into her inch by inch, groaning at how good she feels, how tight, warm, and wet.

She whimpers against my lips, pulling away from the kiss to push her head back into the pillow, her eyes squeezing shut in discomfort.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry,” I apologize. “Do you want me to stop?”

She shakes her head, letting out a slow, shaky breath. “No, just—” She gasps when she tries to shift her body. “Just give me a second.”

I plant kisses on her face and neck, trying my best to distract her from the pain. “It’ll ease soon,” I promise.

Slowly, I skim my fingers down between our bodies to reach between her legs, pressing on her bundle of nerves again, making her moan.

After a while, she experimentally shifts her hips and I freeze, gauging her reaction. The knot between her brows is gone and her eyes are hooded as she looks up at me with need. Cautiously, I roll my hips and her eyes blissfully flutter closed, a small moan coming from the back of her throat.

I thrust into her slowly, in and out, pushing a little deeper each time until she has all of me.

I take my time with her, not wanting to fuck her meaninglessly or race to an end, like all the others.

I want to make love with her. Kiss, caress, and worship her whole body until we’re both trembling and breathless.

It’s like a dance, the way my hips roll against hers and the way her tongue brushes against mine.

I’ve been with plenty of women, but none of them will ever compare to her.

To the girl who stole my heart without even trying.

Who took my breath away at first glance, whose smile could light up a whole room, whose heart could love mine completely.

She’s smart, beautiful, and kind. She single-handedly has all the power to break me, to drive me to my knees if she wants.

No one will ever compare to her.

I feel her walls tighten around me, my name mixed with pleas of release falling from her lips, telling me she’s close. I drive into her slowly, languorously, hitting that spot that makes her thrash beneath me every time.

She sobs, her back arching off the bed as her arms and legs wrap around me. I pick up the pace, thrusting into her harder, faster, and she shatters beneath me, her body shaking with the force of the orgasm that tears through her.

Her walls squeeze and flutter around me, sending me over the edge. I release, her name the only thing rolling off my tongue.

I collapse on top of her, breathing heavily, sweat coating my skin.

My lips find her neck, placing kisses as we both come down from our high, trying to catch our breath.

She wraps her arms around me, her hands running up and down my back before her fingers settle at the hair on the back of my neck, playing with the short strands.

“Stay,” I plead, the word falling from my lips, even though I have no right to ask. I don’t deserve it, especially after so many girls have asked the same of me and I’ve refused, walking out and leaving right after with zero remorse.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she promises, kissing the top of my head.

When we both catch our breath, I crawl off of her and discard the condom in the trash can. On my way back to the bed, I grab a towel to clean both of us up before crawling back into bed and wrapping my arms around her.

Her head rests on my chest right over my thumping heart, her fingers absentmindedly tracing a lazy pattern along my skin. I watch her fingers graze my chest, swirling around the two scarred cigarette burns placed there long ago.

I grab her wrist, bringing her hand to my mouth where I kiss her palm and the pad of each of her fingers.

Leaning over, she places two delicate kisses on the tiny scarred-over tissues, her big eyes looking up at me through her lashes after, making me a whole new level of fucked.

My throat clogs with emotion when I see her look up at me with so much love in her eyes it hurts. Never have I had someone look at me like that before, make me feel worth something. Unashamed of the scars placed on my body. Understood.

I grab her face and bring her up for a slow, lazy kiss, unable to stop kissing her.

“I love you,” she breathes, melting my heart.

“I love you too.”

God do I love this girl.