Page 32 of Scarlet Vows (Yegorov Bratva #3)

Chapter Twenty-Five

ALINA

Albert and I drove around very early this morning, enjoying our us time in my car, which I’ve missed. I found it in the huge garage. I don’t know who drove it to the mansion, but I’m glad they did.

My small hybrid sports car beats an SUV any day, at least with me behind the wheel.

It gives me a sense of freedom, a sense of autonomy, and it’s mine. I bought it.

And Albert, after he got over his whining for Ilya to be with us, has had a grand time. We’ve had a walk and playtime with another dog who was in the park with its owner, and now he sits patiently outside a café as I have a coffee.

Albert is, of course, a star and gets cooed at and doted on by the early morning staff.

He’s such a good, sweet dog that it’s no wonder people seem to love him. I can’t for the life of me understand why no one adopted him. Yes, he’s older, way past puppyhood, but he’s the most wonderful dog, and he makes my heart swell.

Watching how the staff fawn over him, I know there’s a perception about shelters I need to crack. It shouldn’t be about puppies or the perkiest dog. It shouldn’t even be about the prettiest.

Really, it needs to be more like a dating service. Matchmaking. I almost giggle, but I wonder if that’s an idea to delve into. I make a mental note to bring it up next time I’m at the shelter.

“I’m going to have to bring you in to see Eva soon,” I tell Albert.

He looks up from his bowl of water right as the waitress comes up.

“Hiya, baby,” she says to Albert. “I could eat you right up! Here.”

She holds out her hand. Albert huffs out air and delicately takes the small piece of carrot cake she has for him.

I hide my smile.

When she leaves, I whisper, “Poor Albert, having to suffer through all this love and all the treats these people give you.”

I drink my coffee, chatting with passersby who stop to say hello to my dog.

He’s come a long way in such a short time. He moves back under my chair, but he lets kids pat him and, as long as he knows I’m here, he deals.

Through it all, though I pretend I’m fine, my nerves grow.

This morning isn’t about independence and a walk with Albert. It isn’t coffee at my favorite café.

I’m out for a reason, something I do like clockwork, but today, it’s different. And it makes me a little nervous.

But as I finish the coffee and pay, I finally know it’s time.

Albert and I walk down the road to the florist, and I buy a pretty bunch of flowers dotted with roses. I get one red rose, too.

Then we get in the car and drive, the perfume of the flowers strong and filling the car, like a promise.

There aren’t any clouds, and the sky’s a beautiful blue as I park. I put the leash on Albert, as he waits patiently. I get the flowers, and we walk to Max’s grave.

I don’t know how long I’ve been here. The sun’s warm, and the breeze is soft and perfect.

Peace comes over me and dispels my nerves the longer I sit.

Albert’s in my lap, cuddled up, asleep.

I swallow and brush my fingers over the smooth marble, staring at his name carved into it. The date of birth, the date of death. A life ended way too soon.

Beloved son, beloved husband to Alina.

His mother insisted on the husband part, even though he died on our wedding day. I cry yet again.

I used to hate coming here, but I came. About seven months after his death, I couldn’t stay away. I’d have lived here if it weren’t for Isla and Erin.

If it wasn’t for Max’s mom.

Now I have balance. I come to see him each week because I want to.

Today, I had to.

Guilt winds through me. It’s a new guilt, so that’s fun. And it’s for Ilya.

I feel bad for ignoring him, for sending him short answers when I knew he wouldn’t leave me alone. But while I know Ilya will think I can’t handle what happened, it’s not that, not what he thinks.

Talking to him, to anyone, doesn’t feel right when I’m with Max.

I reach forward and rearrange the flowers in the vase I got, then I touch the rose I got for him last week. I replace it with the new one and lay the wilting one next to his grave .

I put my hand on the flat marble headstone. The sun hasn’t warmed it yet, but I can feel Max again around me.

I know the ghost I’ve carried isn’t real, but something I needed to buffer me and protect me, but like in my heart, I’ve always felt him here, like it’s a conduit to wherever he is now.

And I think, after sitting with him for an hour, I’m ready to talk.

“I’ve never, ever been mad at you for leaving me, Max.

You’d have stayed if you could have. I love you, Max.

And I will until the day I die. I miss you so much, and it hurts.

There are days still I don’t want to get up, but I have more good ones than bad.

And you’re there, in me. Always in my heart.

“This little guy here is Albert, and I think you’d love him, too. He’d love you, I know it. You were always so kind to others, Max. My Max.” My voice breaks a little, and I have to swallow.

I don’t try to stop the tears as they trickle down.

They belong to Max, and I won’t deny him.

“I want to tell you something. You told me once that the heart is so big, there’s room for a lot if you let it in.

That people can love so much and deeply.

You were talking about me and your love, and I feel that too still.

But I think… I think you were trying to say if anything happened, I could move on and still love you.

I always changed the subject, and I’m sorry for that. ”

“Things… Recently, things changed. My feelings for someone. For Ilya, actually. I know how much you liked him and respected him. You always loved how he had my back.”

I sniff, and Albert opens his eyes and looks at me, then he does something I don’t expect. He sits up, licks my tears, and climbs off my lap, only to curl up on the marble, like he’s snuggling with Max .

I cry harder, wailing a little, and I have to slap my hand over my mouth, squeeze my eyes shut, and rock.

Finally, I’m back in control.

I think he feels Max here. He’s a dog who stayed with his owner when he died, and I’m wondering if he stayed with the spirit, too. I’m not overly religious, but I believe there’s more.

Albert barks. Paws at the headstone, avoiding the flowers, then curls back up and sighs, closing his eyes.

“He likes you, Max. Look at that.”

I pet Albert and continue.

“Max, I like this guy. I do. And I’m sorry. I still love you, but you’re not here, and I am, and… I think… I think I’m falling for him. Is that okay?”

Albert barks once more, one eye open and on me, all liquid love.

“I never, ever thought that I’d be able to move on. Not after such a devastating loss. You were my world. But I’ve found something with him. And it’s special. I’ve been fighting it because it feels like I did with you. And that makes it feel like betrayal.”

“But, Max, I’m worried that because it’s so special, like we were, that I’ll never find it again if I let it go. I don’t think you get that blessing a third time if you screw up something like this. Do you?”

I shake my head. “Not when it’s something like how I feel about you.”

I stare at his carved name, my heart breaking again.

“I miss you so fucking much. But I know if you could actually talk to me, you’d tell me to go for it, that you want me to not settle but find something like we had.

You’d want me to be happy. You’d want me to be happy, protected, and loved, all the things Ilya can give me. ”

Albert barks once more and stretches out, offering me his tummy. I scratch it, and he makes a small little sound of happiness.

“I think that’s you talking to me through Albert, isn’t it?”

He barks once more, and laughter flutters up inside me. Even as it does, I gulp down tears.

I think I’m finally at peace about moving on. And I think Max may be, too. Albert stays on the grave, watching me now as I stroke his tummy.

“Max, I can’t keep living in the past, wishing things were different.

They can’t be. You’re not here. But I think Ilya’s my future.

He offered to wait for me forever if he had to.

And he respects me and my need for time.

It makes me lo-love him more, strengthens my growing feelings.

I’ve always loved him. I told you about that dumb crush I had when I was a girl, and you teased me for it.

” I laugh. “But now that love’s changing into something deeper. ”

Albert gets up, whines, and picks his way off the grave to stand by me. I nod. He’s right. Time to go. I get to my feet and gather my things, clipping on Albert’s leash once more.

“I have to go home, Max. But I’ll bring Albert back. Maybe…maybe not next week. Or the week after, but soon. I promise. Goodbye, Max.”

I blow him a kiss, and with the tears still falling, crisp and clear and clean, we walk back to the car.

Albert trots along.

“Would you like to visit Max again?”

He barks once.

“We will.”

But I don’t know when.

And I realize, that’s fine.

My phone rings, and I almost drop it when I see who’s calling.

Demyan. Like he’s radioactive, I press ignore, but it’s too late, because the thought of my brother makes me consider something I haven’t given much thought to until now.

How the hell’s Demyan going to react if I get together with his best friend?

I don’t want to think about it.

As we drive back to Ilya’s mansion, I’m ready, even excited, to talk to him about our future and tell him about today.

Not all of it. Some of that’s private, between me, Max, and Albert. I’ll tell him I went to see Max to tell him about us, but that’s all. I know he’d understand everything I said to Max, but I don’t need to tell him every small detail.

When we arrive home, it’s clear it’s just me and the staff there. Disappointment crushes down. I go to ask Svetlana where Ilya is, but she hands me a note.

“He left this for you.”

I open up the note.

And smile. He really is a thoughtful man. Any other man may have gotten frustrated with me by now, especially with me taking off after making love and responding with short texts, along with ignoring a call.

But not Ilya.

It’s just one more reason why I like Ilya so damn much.

I pull out my phone and text him.

Me

I can’t wait to see you. X