Page 14 of Scarlet Sins (Yegorov Bratva #2)

Chapter Eleven

ERIN

I wait until we get to the café. I haven’t explored the neighborhood; of course I haven’t. The part we go to with Sasha is in a nice part of Chicago, and it’s a drive away. The last I saw of this neighborhood was when I ran.

I thought it was mansions and big houses and then a small suburban area backed onto the highway, but it isn’t.

The area’s lush and green and pretty, and when we turn right outside the gates, two guards walking with us which makes me think that Demyan has the entire area around the property staked out, because he doesn’t want to risk anything happening to his son, it’s a tiny mecca of cafés and shops.

But as we walk, at first with Sasha beside me and then in his stroller, I listen as Alina tells me about the hidden gem of this upper-class neighborhood.

And I wait.

She orders coffee and I order tea. The smells that should be welcoming turn my stomach.

But I wait.

When our drinks are served, I lean in.

“What did that bottle-blonde woman say about me? ”

Alina plays with her coffee mug. “You don’t want to know.”

“I do.”

“It was just a Russian insult that’s hard to translate the meaning of. She’s a cow. And Demyan hates her.”

“He’s still marrying her, though.”

“No,” Alina says, “he’s going along with it until he can find a way out. It’s not the same.”

“What did she say?”

Alina winces. “She called you a bitch and said you were a car falling apart as it goes.”

I frown at her.

“Really,” she says.

“No, what did she say?”

“That.”

I think about it. And I think I get it, I’m the old model, broken down, probably ridden one too many times.

I’m about to say some choice words when Sasha asks for pancakes and a wave of nausea hits me so strongly I get up and rush to the bathroom, getting there just in time to throw up.

Shaking, I sit on the toilet, head in my hands, waiting for the wave to pass.

When it recedes to a point where I can cope, I get up and go back out.

“I ordered Sasha blueberry pancakes. But I didn’t know what you wanted,” Alina says, looking at me curiously. “Toast?”

Toast would probably be fine if I wasn’t upset, but even the mention turns my stomach.

Morning sickness is kicking my ass right now, and for the past couple of days, but today’s especially bad and I should have suggested a walk or something else.

I take a sip of my plain black tea and wait. But it doesn’t make me want to puke, so I take another mouthful. “I’m fine.”

“Well, I ordered waffles ,so you can share mine if you want.”

My stomach lurches. “I’m not hungry.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes. As far as it goes.”

Sasha starts to play with his milk, trying to tip it on the table, but I move it out of his way.

His eyes narrow, cheeks puff, and he opens his mouth to let out a wail, but the waitress returns and sets down the pancakes that come with whipped cream and a pile of extra berries. His eyes light up and his hand comes down on the cream.

“Sasha!” I say, grabbing his hand to clean it as the waitress starts to wipe the table.

“No, Mama! Bad Mama!”

I look at the waitress. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, he’s a baby.”

She finishes cleaning as Sasha pulls free and almost falls, but Alina grabs him and he shoves his still cream-covered hand in his mouth.

“Sasha!” And I want to hurl. The smell of the cream and the syrup and batter is so strong that I have to clamp my lips together.

Alina pats my arm. And then she extracts Sasha’s hand and starts feeding him berries, which he happily eats. “I’ll feed him. You look a little green.”

Shit. She cuts up the pancake, ignoring her waffles, as she slowly feeds my son. He’s back to happy again, clearly loving the attention from his aunt Alina.

I want to tell her. I want to tell someone, but I can’t. I haven’t even told Demyan, and right now, I’m not sure I actually want to tell him. I’m nothing but a baby machine to him .

Stefina might be a shallow person, but he’s going to want to have sex, especially when I get big and that girl will never allow herself to get big. Even if she got pregnant, she’d be one of those women who stayed tiny.

A small part of me whispers I’m being utterly irrational, but I can’t help it. I want to cry and throw up, all at the same time.

“Make that a lot of green. What’s up?”

I look at Alina and then at Sasha, who’s wearing half his meal. “This whole thing just…”

“Upsets you?”

I nod.

At least talking about Demyan’s fake marriage or otherwise is something on my mind, so I’m not lying. And I like Alina. I want us to be friends. It’s just… I’m so lost and angry and heartbroken and scared.

She touches Sasha’s cheek and he laughs, shoving more pancake into his mouth.

“You know, hard as it might seem to see, Demyan wants to be with you. I’ve never seen him happier than he is with you. And Sasha’s part of it, but even without him, he’d want you. What he doesn’t want is Stefina. It’s you.”

“Then why?—”

“Our world’s complicated. Demyan’s just struggling with the whole of the bratva on his shoulders. He’s worked hard to build it into something better than Dad had. Made it new, modern. But he must adhere to the old rules. They don’t go away. And things like this… They’re part of it.”

“He knew what he had to do to save you and he did it. But he’s working on a way to get out of this marriage. And he wants to do it without starting a war.”

I look at her. “What if he can’t?”

“It’s Demyan. I believe in him.”

Thing is, I want to believe in him too. And if it was just a woman hanging around, I would, but it’s complicated and I get the feeling he made a horrible deal with the devil to save me.

Which makes me feel like the worst person for being so upset and angry.

“What if he can’t? And what… what if he finds he likes her more?”

Alina laughs. “Stefina?” She shakes her head.

“No. Look, I feel for her, a little. I don’t like her, but her father owns her life.

He made her who she is, and this is probably something she sees as freedom.

And a step up. But she doesn’t like him any more than he likes her. Didn’t I already say that?”

I let out a shuddering breath. “I’m just…”

“Y’know, I’d rather you for a sister-in-law than her any day. Even if this deal wasn’t around and you and Demyan weren’t all in love, I’d want you both to be. Team Erin, that’s me.”

“Team Sasha,” says Sasha, beaming.

And my heart melts as Alina kisses him.

I’m glad I have her in my corner. And I love the bond we’re forming. It means so much, especially when she gets along so well with Kara. My dream team of female power.

Alina offers me a bite of her waffles, and my stomach protests violently. I don’t even speak as I shake my head, hand to mouth as I rush off again to the bathrooms to throw up again.

There’s not much in my stomach and I rinse my mouth of the bitter bile, swirling the water and spitting and repeating until the sweetness of the water feels just like water. My legs wobble as I make my way back to the table.

“Sorry. Maybe I ate something?—”

Alina holds up a hand and points a fork at me. “Are you pregnant?” Words don’t come and she narrows her eyes, poking the bare fork at me again. “Are you?”

“Please don’t tell Demyan. ”

“Shit, he doesn’t know? You can’t keep it from him.”

“I know,” I whisper. “I’m going to tell him, soon. But if it comes from someone else, I don’t know what he’ll do.”

“Demyan’s got a temper, and he’s hurt over Sasha even though that’s no one’s fault, but he won’t do anything to you.”

His locking me up hangs heavily between us. “He did before.”

“Demyan did wrong, and he knows it. But what’s he going to do? Lock up a pregnant woman? Come on. You guys have moved past that. I won’t say anything, but you are going to tell him soon, right?”

“Yes, just when I’m ready.”

“Mama?” Sasha holds up a smashed blueberry to show me and then stuffs it in his mouth.

“Look, I’m not going to say anything. I promise.” Alina reaches over the table to hold my hand. “But… Do you have a doctor?”

“We went in for a checkup after… everything, but my regular doctor’s all the way on the other side of the city.”

“Well, I have an excellent OB-GYN that I can get you in to see. She usually has a waiting list months’ long, but there comes some perks with being a Yegorov. And I’m more than happy to come with you for support, if you’d like.”

“I’d love that. And as for support, are you sure?”

“Absolutely. I’d be honored.”

I squeeze her hand. “Thank you. I’d really love that, Alina.”

We go for a neighborhood walk, and then when Alina mutters something about the antsy guard, we head home, a car suddenly appealing .

The young, good-looking one, Pavel, I think, helps put Sasha in the car and we all head back.

Neither Stefina and Demyan are there, which is both a relief and annoying. Annoying because I hate the idea of them spending time together, and relief that I don’t have to watch it.

Sasha and I take a nap—after he’s cleaned up and later Magda and Olga fuss over him like usual.

It’s late when Demyan returns, and he looks exhausted. I’m curled on the sofa in the upstairs living room, a more casual room with a TV where Sasha does his cartoon watching. I like the setup and it helps limit his exposure to the screen.

He undoes his tie and leans against the doorjamb as I sit up and turn off the TV. There’s a glass of amber liquid—whiskey—in his hand and he needs a shave.

Demyan both makes me tremble with desire and pulls at my heartstrings even as my head warns me to slow down.

“Fuck, Lyubimaya , you look delicious. If I didn’t think you might punch me, I’d go over there and ravish you.”

A small smile pulls at my mouth. “And a part of me wants that. Both to punch you and have you ravish me.” I pause. “You missed Sasha’s bedtime.”

“I know, and I fucking hate that more than you can know.”

“How is the future Mrs. Yegorov?”

He doesn’t miss a beat. “I don’t know, how are you? You look beautiful.”

“I meant?—”

“I know who you meant, Erin.” He sighs and comes into the room. “I spent the morning being bored shitless, trying cake I don’t give a fuck about, and trying to work on my phone as I tuned her out just enough not to bring her father thundering in and starting bullshit. ”

I swallow the hard, hot ball of resentment in my throat. “And the rest of the day?”

“Business. Taking care of my empire. Making sure my world is safe enough for the three most important people. You. Sasha. Alina.”

Nodding, I look down at my hands. “I just feel…”

“Like I’m doing shit against you? This is the fallout of me getting you back alive. And I’d do it again. For you.”

I look at him. There’s something else there in those ice-blue eyes, something I can’t quite read, like he’s hiding something from me. Like this isn’t the full extent of the truth.

But I honestly can’t fathom what else there could be. And maybe it’s just the guilt of Stefina.

“I don’t like her.”

“She’s beautiful, Demyan.”

He laughs and shakes his head. “She’s overpainted, overdressed, annoying, and a shadow compared to you.”

I blink rapidly, eyes hot and blurring.

I think I get it. Here, this close, I can see the frustrations in him. But I don’t have an answer either.

“Erin, I’ll be patient. I want you. And right now, I want to kiss you, seduce you, remind you of how much more exciting it is with you now that I know the things that make you tic.

How you like it hard and fast. How you like it slow.

” He leans in, mouth against my ear. “How you loved it when I fucked your ass and how I want to spend an entire day and night away from Sasha and this house, and just be naked with you and the only times we get out of bed is for room service, for sex in the shower, on the floor, on the sofa…”

I laugh, I can’t help it. “Maybe I was just humoring you.”

“Then I’ll fuck you until I get it right.” He traces a line along my cheek. “But Lyubimaya , even though you’re the one I want, I’ll give you space, okay?”

I suck in a breath. “Thanks for being patient, Demyan. And thank you for waiting. I do want you. I’m sitting here, thinking how turned on I am, but I can’t. I need time. I need to wrap my head around everything.”

Demyan takes my hand and links our fingers. “Look at me, Erin.”

I raise my eyes, meeting his.

And he gazes at me, dead in the eye, so I can see his heart and soul there. “Understand, there’s only one woman I’ve ever wanted like I want you, Erin. And that’s you. No one’s come close. No one’s gotten close. You’re it.”

I nod. “That’s what makes it so fucking hard. I get it. I understand you didn’t have a choice when you agreed to this marriage with Stefina. That you did it for me. But God, it hurts sitting here, being looked at like a walking womb by her.”

“Fuck that, you’re not and you know it.”

“But I can’t help wondering if the man I love is going to be forced to go through with this wedding and what then?

What happens to me and Sasha? I won’t be the piece on the side and I won’t live here, either.

Obviously, you’ll see him, but he’s not going away, and he’s not going to be left alone with her, so what will we do? ”

“Hey, slow down.”

“I can’t help thinking this. Because what if you can’t get out of this? You can’t start a war, Demyan.”

He sighs and leans his head against mine for a moment before sitting up and lifting the glass he’s holding on his knee. “I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

“What if that’s not enough?” I whisper, tears welling in my eyes. “What if it does happen?”

Demyan swallows down the drink, but he doesn’t have an answer for me.

And it breaks my heart all over again.