Page 155 of Say Yes to the Nemesis

I glance at Ryan, hoping for some kind of reassurance, some sign that I don’t need to worry. He does smile at me, quick and soft. I feel some of the tension leave my shoulders. He wouldn’t smile at me like that if he was about to send me home, right?

The first part of the ceremony is always the same. They make us watch video packages of each contestant’s relationship with Ryan, highlighting all the key moments and emotional beats. It’s supposed to build suspense, but mostly it just makes me want to scream.

I have to watch Daisy’s package first, full of their early connection and the way she made him laugh during their first one-on-one. Then Raven’s, showing all their intense conversations and the obvious physical chemistry between them. JacqLyn’s comes next, focusing on how she challenged him and pushed him out of his comfort zone.

When mine plays, I see our journey from the beginning. The awkward first meeting where I was so nervous I could barely speak. Our first real conversation during that group date where we talked about books and I realized he was nothing like I’dexpected. The moment during our overnight date when I finally told him I was scared of falling for him, and he said he was scared too.

Watching it all play out on the big screen makes my chest tight with emotion. We’ve come so far from those early days when I was convinced he’d send me home any minute. When I was so sure that someone like him could never really want someone like me.

But he does want me. I know he does. I can see it in every clip, the way he looks at me, the way he touches me like I’m something precious. The way he said my name when he told me he was falling for me.

I was sure. I let myself believe this was real.

So why do I still feel like I might throw up?

The video packages finally end, and Rich steps forward again. My throat is so tight I can barely swallow. “Ryan, you have one single rose to give out tonight. When you’re ready.”

Ryan picks up the first rose, and I hold my breath.

I look at Ryan, trying to read his expression, but his face is carefully neutral. Professional. He’s not giving anything away.

“Contestants, we need to take a quick break,” one of the producers calls out suddenly. “Technical difficulties.”

The cameras stop rolling. Immediately people swarm onto the set. Makeup artists appear with powder and lipstick for touch-ups. Someone hands me a bottle of water, which I drink gratefully even though my hands are still shaking.

“You okay?” Jennifer whispers as she fixes my lipstick. Jennifer’s been my makeup artist since day one, and she’s become something of a friend over the weeks.

“Just nervous,” I admit.

“Don’t be. You’ve got this.” She squeezes my shoulder. “Good luck.”

I watch as Ryan gets pulled aside by his producer, Rich. They disappear into the house. A minute later I see Elena and Marcus following them inside. The head producer and director don’t usually get involved unless something serious is happening.

I strain to hear what’s going on, but I’m too far away. All I can make out are raised voices. At one point I’m pretty sure I hear Ryan yelling, though I can’t make out the words.

“What’s happening?” I ask Hana, my producer, when she comes over to check on me.

But Hana’s not joking with me like she usually does. She won’t meet my eyes. Something’s off.

“Just some last-minute details,” she says. “You need to stay put, okay? We’ll be rolling again in a few minutes.”

I want to move closer to the house, to try to figure out what’s going on, but every time I take a step, someone redirects me back to my spot in the lineup. It’s like they’re deliberately keeping me away from whatever conversation is happening inside.

When Ryan finally emerges from the house, he looks furious. His jaw is clenched, his hands are in fists at his sides. There’s something in his eyes that I’ve never seen before. Something dark and angry and hurt.

Elena follows him out, clearly trying to manage whatever damage control is needed. I see her mouth something to him, probably telling him to smile for the cameras, but he just stops frowning. He doesn’t actually smile.

“Okay, everyone back to places,” Marcus calls out. “We’re rolling in thirty seconds.”

I take my position next to JacqLyn, my heart hammering against my ribs. Something is wrong. Something has changed in the last few minutes, and I don’t know what it is.

The cameras start rolling again. Ryan picks up the white rose. His face is back to that careful neutral expression, but I can seethe tension in his shoulders, the way his grip on the stem is a little too tight.

“Tonight, I finally get to decide who I’m going to fall in love with,” he says, his voice steady but somehow hollow. His words are stilted; I think if I had a moment to let them sink in, they wouldn’t make any sense. But he keeps pushing forward. “As you know, this has been an incredibly difficult decision.”

He looks at me. For just a second, I see something flicker in his expression. Something that looks almost like an apology.

My stomach drops. What if…?