Page 53 of Savage Promises (Quinlan Empire #2)

With my car hanging off the curb, I see this through their eyes.

I hand over my keys. “Here.”

Creed speaks low and controlled. “I have orders to bring you home.”

“Understood. When we get to the brownstone you can—”

“No. To Astoria,” he says.

“Ma wants to see you,” Griffin clarifies, his guards Zeke and Ace standing nearby.

Aw, fuck.

I don’t speak. I don’t fight them. Not when there’s nothing left to say. Not when Lennox looked at me like I was a pathetic stranger. And just walked away from me.

The way I walked away from her.

I get into the backseat of the Sentinel, fists clenched in my lap, eyes burning.

When we reach Quinlan Manor in Astoria, the front door opens before Creed kills the engine. Ma stands, glowing in the vestibule. It’s close to eight p.m., but she’s still in her pearls and Chanel. I see how I’ve failed in her soft eyes.

I step out of the car, and with my shoulders back, I hike up the steps. Barely to the top, I hear her voice.

“Come here, sonny.” Only Ma calls me that. And only when we’re alone.

“Aye, Ma.” I don’t think. I move into her embrace.

Ma wraps me in a hug that takes a while for my memory to kick in, remember how this felt. I’m more used to her pulling my ear for things like getting caught with a broken vase and bloody knuckles.

She doesn’t scold me this time. She steers me into the house and puts me in her parlor. After the kitchen, this is her domain. She sits beside me on the sofa and lays a gentle hand on mine.

“I know why you’re closed off,” she says softly. “And it’s because of me.”

I glance at her, startled. “What? No.”

She nods, tears shining in her eyes. “I loved you all the same. But with your father gone so much, I only had two hands.”

The pain in her voice guts me. “Ma, it’s okay. We had each other.”

Shaking her head, she says, “Three older brats who chased you down and stuck your head in a toilet for fun was no substitute for a mother’s love.”

I resist a snort, remembering being hunted and hiding from my older brothers.

“Then your sister got sick.” Ma’s voice gets low and her eyes dark.

I squeeze her hand, understanding how this weighed on her. “All I remember was you crying all the time. I didn’t understand.”

“And all I remember is the look in your eyes when I left this house with your sister in an ambulance. Of all my children standing there, crying in the doorway, I saw you . Your sad eyes. I disappeared into that ambulance, trying to save your sister. But I lost you in the process.”

I swallow the tight knot in my throat. “Ma...”

“I tried to make it up to you. To all of you. But you lads grew up fast after that and became these hardened men I barely recognized. I told myself you didn’t need softness anymore.” Her voice breaks. “But that wasn’t true, was it?”

“No,” I whisper.

She squeezes my hand. “You learned to stop needing love because I stopped giving it. I failed you. And I’m sorry, my darling boy.”

I lower my head, jaw tight. “Ma. I get what you’re saying. But I’m thirty-two. I’m responsible for myself.”

“But if we understand why we feel the way we feel, we won’t be so afraid.” She puts her hand under my chin. “And you’re afraid to love. Or you were.” A smile finally lifts her lips. “You got down on your hands and knees for the lass?”

I wipe my eyes, cringing at the picture Connor or Griffin or Ewan, or all three talking over each other, painted about my public meltdown. “I did. But she wouldn’t talk to me.”

“You threw her out of her home, Shane,” Ma’s tone turns rough.

“I was hurting. Afraid it would get worse.”

“She’s the real thing for you, isn’t she?” Ma asks gently. “Your Lennox?”

I nod once.

“Then you need to trust yourself. Trust her . But give her time. A strong lass can’t be rushed.”

I close my eyes. “I don’t know how to wait, or ease this emptiness.”

“I do.” She smiles and wipes a tear from my cheek before I even know it’s there. “And you’re going to stay right here and let me love you. Only you. Fill you with the trust you need to open your heart to Lennox. By letting yourself be loved.”

Next, Ma is hugging me again and I’m hugging her back. Her perfume, the familiar blend of powder and spice fills my nose. With her arms around me, old wounds in my heart start to heal. Not from losing Lennox, but deeper wounds I didn’t know I had.

There’s a knock at the front door and Caroline answers it. I hear friendly female conversation and then Caroline steps into Ma’s parlor. “Your housekeeper dropped this off. Smells like pot roast.”

Ma and I eat, and she’s impressed with Liz’s cooking. She also dropped off a packed bag for me. I’m guessing my brothers went back to my house and orchestrated my intervention.

Instead of a room full of people telling me I’ve lost my mind, I only needed my mother. I need my wife more, but we’re both broken and need to heal.

After dinner and a drink, I climb the stairs. Ma kisses me gently and peels off to her wing. I step into my old bedroom. It still smells faintly like cedar and books but also cherry lollipops. I think Ewan’s daughters sleep in this room when they stay over.

I walk straight to the window. And there it is. The Donnelly house. Lennox’s bedroom in dark. I used to sit here for hours, pretending I wasn’t watching her. Or cared. But I was. I did.

I was always watching her.

I lower myself into the chair by the window and exhale for the first time in hours.

I know how to heal. And I know how to start again.

It begins with Lennox Donnelly.