Page 9 of Sandcastles & Sunburns (DKAG Summer Shorts #6)

“I…overheard him talking on the phone. And when his best friend came over to help him put his playroom together. I made them cookies,” Jude confessed.

“You overheard him?”

“When our windows are both open, I can hear him,” Jude said.

“And you didn’t tell him that?” Law sounded as disappointed as Jude felt.

“No.”

“Okay, we’ll get back to that. What else?” Law said.

“He loves to build sandcastles,” Jude shared. “I’ve caught him outside several times and made sure he was wearing sunscreen and staying hydrated. I even bought him a sandcastle building kit. I bought him fucking toys.”

“He brought out your Daddy instincts,” Law said.

If anyone would understand it would be Law, who always identified as a Daddy Dom. They’d shared that together even before Sam was in the picture. “Every one of them. I’m sorry. I know it’s wrong. I shouldn’t feel this way about him.”

“Why do you think it is wrong?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jude growled out. “You know why!”

“I was afraid that was what you were going to say,” Law replied.

“Afraid?”

“Please don’t hang up on me,” Law pleaded.

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

“It has been ten years,” Law said. “Sam wouldn’t want you to be living like this.”

“You don’t know what Sam would or wouldn’t want,” Jude spat. This was a mistake.

“Actually,” Law said. “I think I do know. So do you.”

No, no, Law was wrong.

“I loved him,” Jude reminded Law. “He was my everything.”

“Oh, I’m quite of aware of that.” Law’s voice held bitterness.

“He—”

“He would be so pissed off with you. Sam might have been a pain in the ass, but he loved you. He wouldn’t want you to close yourself off from your friends or push us away. Hiding. He would be throwing the biggest tantrum, and you know it.”

This was why Jude didn’t talk to his friends. They meant well but Jude didn’t need them to tell him what Sam would or wouldn’t want.

“You can be mad at me for saying this,” Law said. “I should have said it a long fucking time ago. Here is my chance.”

“I don’t need you to tell me about Sam. He was my boy,” Jude replied firmly.

“No, you need me to remind you that not everything was as perfect as you’re pretending,” Law replied just as sternly.

“What the fuck!” Jude exclaimed.

“You’re looking back on your relationship with Sam through rose-colored glasses,” Law claimed.

“Stop!” Jude demanded.

“No, I might not be able to talk to you for another ten years,” Law said. “I’m going to say this while I can.”

“Fine,” Jude bit out.

“I’m not trying to make you angry,” Law said. “I know you loved Sam. He loved you too.”

“Yeah.”

“But things were getting difficult before what happened,” Law pointed out.

“That’s not true!”

“It is,” Law argued. “And you know it. The two of you were fighting all the time.”

“What are you saying? That we wouldn’t have worked out if Sam would have lived?” Jude dropped to the ground as his knees went weak. Just slid right down onto his ass. Those horrible thoughts that had plagued him for years.

“I’m not saying that.”

“Aren’t you?”

“No, because I couldn’t know that. Neither do you,” Law pointed out. “All you can think about is what could have been. I understand that. But that’s no way to live, man.”

Jude blew out a long breath.

“You will drive yourself crazy with what could have been,” Law told him. “Why not just think about what they two of you shared.”

“I didn’t call to talk about Sam.”

“You can’t really talk about Liam without discussing Sam though,” Law said. “Sam is what is holding you back.”

“I’m not—”

“You are,” Law corrected.

“It’s not like I can forget Sam or even want to,” Jude said.

“You don’t have to,” Law told him. “But you can’t keep living the way you have.”

“It’s not so bad.” Jude had his beach, the ocean, his routine.

“I miss you, man,” Law said. “We all do.”

He was lonely. “Maybe…maybe I could start answering the phone.”

“That would be a start,” Law replied, obviously unimpressed.

“I’m not ready,” Jude admitted. This was already a very big first step.

“I’ll be here when you are ready. We all will be.”

“Thanks, man,” Jude replied sincerely.

“I’ll call you more,” Law warned.

“Okay.”

“And Jude?”

“What?”

“Talk to Liam. Tell him about Sam,” Law advised.

“Tell the man I’m interested in about the love of my life?”

“Yes,” Law answered. “Tell him all about Sam. Even if they two of you don’t become more than friends, it might be nice to share Sam with someone who didn’t know him.”

“I’ll think about it,” Jude allowed. He didn’t know if that was something he would even be able to do but he’d at least think about it.

“Good enough.” Law sighed. “Don’t be a stranger.”

“I won’t.” Jude held the phone in his hand long after Law had hung up.

That had been both easier and harder than he thought it would have been. There was an ache from missing his friends. He and Law had been close since they’d been in the same basic training unit.

The others had all joined the team later and they’d just fit together. Sam had been the last to complete them. Jude had been lucky that his teammates had supported his and Sam’s relationship.

Fuck! Jude hadn’t just screwed up his start with Liam. For the last ten years Jude hasn’t been making the best decisions. Maybe he should send a few text messages just to check in with his old friends.

He started with Josh. Josh and Sam had been close, since they were the last to join them. Josh had almost been like an older brother to Sam. Law and Josh had both stood in as a temporary Daddy when Jude hadn’t been available.

Hey, man.

The response came back fast. Very fast. Almost as if Josh had expected him to reach out. Jude? Are you okay?

Yeah. I’m okay. I spoke to Law. Just wanted to check in.

About fucking time!

Jude snorted. He owed Josh a real apology. I’m sorry.

I don’t want to hear that shit. No apologies between us. Ever.

This was right. Josh was the right person to begin making amends with. Josh never held a grudge. Just easygoing and funny. Tell me what’s going on with you .

I moved into my new place about a month ago. I’m only about an hour away from you. Started my new job.

That meant that Josh had finally left the service. He’d stayed in after that fucked-up mission. What are you doing now?

Fire and water rescue in Surf City.

It appeared that Josh was still looking to save the world.

That was just like his friend.

Jude might have cut off contact with the team but since they took turns to call and leave him voicemails, Jude did know more about them than they did him.

The last voicemail from Josh was a rambling message about trying to figure out what to do next in his life. Jude was glad to hear that Josh had figured it out. I bet the boys and girls go crazy for you in uniform.

Of course, man. I’m sexy as fuck!

Jude snorted. It didn’t appear that his old friend had changed much.