Page 8 of Sandcastles & Sunburns (DKAG Summer Shorts #6)

Liam

The best thing about having Jude by his side for the afternoon was that he didn’t have to clean up after himself. Not that Liam would have left a mess on the beach, but once the sun had started to drain some of his energy, Jude had declared it was time to find some shade.

Liam had stood there as Jude had gathered up Liam’s new toys.

Toys!

Jude had bought Liam a collection of sand toys.

That was just awesome.

But where did that leave the two of them?

Jude knew that Liam was a little and had catered to him.

During the few hours that Liam had played on the beach, there had been no pressure or anything.

It had been such a relaxing day. Liam already knew that he would be adding a scene in his current work in progress to work out his feelings for his neighbor.

Jude held Liam’s gate open.

Liam slid in front of Jude to step onto his back deck.

“Where would you like me to put your stuff?” Jude asked.

Liam waved to the side table where he’d been keeping his broken bucket and shovel before continuing to the chair under the awning. He sat and watched as Jude set out the toys in neat rows.

“Are you hungry?” Jude asked once he was finished.

Liam shrugged. Now that he was in more of an adult mindset, Liam was trying to broach the subject of what was happening between them. His biggest secret wasn’t much of one any longer. The fear of rejection was still strong though.

“I made some cold pasta salad this morning. I could go grab it and some crackers. Even get you some more lemonade. We should probably talk,” Jude told him.

“Okay.” Maybe by the time that Jude returned, Liam would know what to say.

“I’ll be right back,” Jude promised.

Liam turned his head as Jude walked away. This was awkward, but Jude was probably right. They did need to talk. They were neighbors, maybe friends, and truthfully Liam didn’t know much about Jude. It wasn’t like Jude was the easiest to talk to.

Even in the BDSM community, the Daddy and little relationship was not common. The chances of having his neighbor turning out to be the Daddy that Liam had been searching for his whole life was nearly impossible. Wishful thinking on his part.

It seemed like Jude was barely gone but five minutes before he was rejoining him. Liam had not figured anything out.

Did Liam bring up being a little? The fact that he was looking for a Daddy? He danced nervously in his seat.

Jude walked over slowly and placed the tray in the middle of the table in front of him then sat across from Liam.

Liam’s belly rumbled. He ate so much better with Jude around.

Jude filled a glass of ice with lemonade from the pitcher he brought over. “You have questions.”

“Are you a Daddy?” Liam blurted out.

A look of pain crossed Jude’s features. He didn’t answer right away as he set a bowl and package of crackers in front of Liam then himself.

The growing hope inside him dimmed a little.

“I was,” Jude said quietly.

Using his spoon to layer some of the pasta salad on the cracker, Liam struggled to find more words.

“I had a boy once,” Jude explained with soft words. “We were in the same unit in the army. His name was Sam.”

“Were you together long?” Liam asked when Jude didn’t continue.

Jude nodded. “He was the love of my life.”

Why did that hurt Liam’s heart? Not for himself but for the pain and torture he saw in Jude’s eyes. “I’m sorry. You lost him, right?”

“Yeah.” Jude cleared his throat. “On a mission when we were still on active duty.”

Liam closed his eyes. “That— I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s been a long time. A very long time.”

“How long?” Liam was scared to ask. He had the feeling that he wouldn’t like the answer.

“Ten years.” Jude shrugged. “Ten years, three months, fourteen days to be exact.”

Yep, Liam hated that. He looked over at the house that belonged to Jude, knowing that it wouldn’t have been Jude’s choice. “You lived next door together?”

Jude pushed his bowl away. He hadn’t even eaten one bite. “Sam loved the beach.”

“I’m very sorry, Jude,” Liam said sincerely. He had never been in love like the obvious way that Jude spoke about Sam. Was Liam luckier for never knowing loss like that? From the look on Jude’s face, Liam had to assume he was.

Jude looked up and met his gaze. “Thank you.”

Liam figured out what he needed to do. To say.

It might have been ten years, but Jude was still feeling the loss of his soul mate deeply.

No matter how selfish Liam wanted to be, there was no chance for him with Jude.

None. He could at least set Jude’s mind to ease.

“I won’t…I won’t bother you. Ask you for anything. I understand.”

Jude stared at him for several long minutes. He rose slowly. “Thank you for today.”

“You’re welcome, Jude.” Liam stood as well. He wasn’t hungry any longer either. “I’m going to go inside now.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Jude agreed.

“I’ll stay out of your way,” Liam vowed. It wouldn’t be easy, but Jude was obviously hurting. Liam had wanted a friend, okay he’d been hoping for more, but Jude wasn’t ready. After ten years Jude might never be ready. No wonder he spent so much time on his own.

“I can hear you,” Jude said suddenly.

“What?”

“When both our windows are open. I can hear you. When you talk to Nicky. I knew you were putting together your playroom.”

Liam felt like he’d been slapped. There was no telling what Jude had overheard. Or how long his neighbor had been listening. Liam’s privacy had been violated. It explained so much though. Why Jude spoke to him the way he had. Jude had inside knowledge of Liam’s whole world.

“I should have told you sooner,” Jude said. “I’m very sorry.”

He should be more upset. Liam knew that in his head. Except that had at least opened the door for the enjoyment of the last couple of days. Even if that same door was now firmly being closed. And locked. “Yeah, sure.”

Jude sighed. “It was wrong of me. I wish…well, I wish a lot of things, but I should have told you.”

Yes, but they needed to move past that. “I’ll close my windows. At least the ones on your side of the house.”

“Okay.”

Liam turned.

“Liam?”

Fuck! Liam just wanted to go inside and crawl into bed. He had stuffies to cuddle and hold. Instead, he pulled in all his resolve and faced Jude.

“Please forgive me.” Leaning forward, he brushed his lips gently over Liam’s.

“I forgive you,” Liam replied. He turned and was relieved when Jude didn’t stop him again.

Liam slid the door open and closed it quietly behind him. He picked Hades up, cuddling his cat under his chin then went straight for his bedroom and the bed calling his name. He yanked down the blankets before crawling onto the mattress. Liam hastily covered himself and let the tears fall.

Why?

Why did he finally meet the most perfect Daddy only to find that he had no chance? Liam couldn’t compete against a ghost. He didn’t even want to. Liam just wanted to be loved the way that Jude was still deeply committed to his previous boy.

Hades licked the bottom of Liam’s chin, offering comfort. See, his baby wasn’t that evil. And Liam could get through this. It was just a crush. Nothing more than a crush.

* * * * *

Jude

He stared at the phone in his hand.

There wasn’t a word for how bad that Jude had hurt Liam.

It had been obvious that Liam had been close to tears.

Jude didn’t know how to fix things. What to do.

He’d fucked up. This was like losing Sam all over again.

That was why Jude was staring at his phone.

Jude could feel the darkness trying to pull him back down.

Jude hadn’t called anyone for over ten years.

Scrolling through his contacts, he stopped at the O’s. Jude knew who he wanted to speak with. He just didn’t know if he could do it.

It was quiet. Too quiet. Had Liam already closed his windows? Shut Jude out? Not that Jude blamed him. Jude had violated Liam’s privacy and trust. He was a monster!

His finger pressed the number before Jude thought it through. Jude’s hand shook as he lifted his cell to his ear.

The call was answered on the third ring.

“Jude?” Law’s deep voice was familiar. So familiar. Comforting.

Jude gasped.

“Jude,” Law repeated. “Is it really you?”

He nodded even though Law wouldn’t see him.

“Talk to me, please,” Law begged.

Jude had never heard this tone from his friend before. “I kissed him,” Jude confessed in a whisper.

There was a long pause. “Okay.”

No judgment. No demand for answers. Acceptance.

“Why did I kiss him?” he asked desperately. Jude was an asshole, but he wasn’t cruel. What in the hell had he been thinking, leaning down to brush his lips over Liam’s? Liam’s plump soft lips.

“Start from the beginning,” Law advised. “Talk it out.”

This was why Jude needed to talk to Law. His friend had always been the most levelheaded guy that Jude had known. Law had been able to take a mission plan and calmly work out every possible outcome. He was a master of paying attention to every little detail.

“Liam,” Jude said. Just saying the name made his heart ached. “His name is Liam. He moved next door to me.”

“Tell me about him,” Law said.

“He’s my age. I think. I’m not certain. I’ve known him for less than two weeks, but it feels like longer. He has the bluest and brightest eyes and this lopsided grin that I just—” Jude chuckled. “I just wanted to kiss that grin.”

“It sounds like you did.”

“Yeah,” Jude admitted.

“And?” Law pressed.

“I really fucked up with him.”

“By kissing him?” Law asked.

“No before that.”

“The beginning,” Law said.

Jude huffed. “He moved in and every morning he would stand out by our gates, drinking his coffee and greeting me when I come back from my swim.”

“I’m glad to hear you’re at least still doing that,” Law said.

Jude ignored him. “I tried to ignore him, but Liam isn’t easy to ignore.”

“That might not be a bad thing.”

Or it was the worst thing ever. “He’s a little.”

“Did he tell you that?”