Page 5 of Sam to the Rescue

“Not a scratch.” I grin when she clears her throat on the other side of the line.

“Is that so?”

“Hey, the doc said I was free to go because other than wrapping me up, there’s not a damn thing they can do.” I also tried to explain this to Slate, hours ago.

“Fine. We’ll talk about it later. How’s Deena?”

“She’s shook up. Other than that, fine.”

“And the shooter?”

“A teenage skinhead. They’re doing a psych eval. Man, he was way, way out there, spouting some nonsense about lasers brainwashing him from space.”

“That’s strange. I heard something similar this morning from our new clients.”

“It must be contagious.” Eyes alert, I stroll the wet grass, push on the locked front gate, and put my phone in my shirt’s front pocket. “Do you suppose there’s a vaccine?”

“For stupidity? I highly doubt it.” She chuckles. “Seriously, though. Why did this guy target her, of all people?”

“I’m guessing it was because she was appointed to the new committee to investigate domestic terrorism.”

“Just a sec, hun. Joey’s dropping Kimmy off for the night.” She mutes the speaker and when she returns, she sends a video of my son.

“Da-da-da-da-da-da.”He doesn’t even take a breath. Damn, he’s good.

Sam’s pretty face pops up on the screen. “Does anyone else in your family, besides you, ramble?”

“Dunno. Not that I’m aware of.”

“Well, heads up. We’ll probably need to enroll him in a special school if we want to make the most of his talent.”

“Understood.” I snicker. God help me, no one else can make me laugh like her. “So, what’s up withSuds and Sam?”

“Ned-the-Klepto stole the bingo pot again. When I confronted him, he said he needs the quarters for laundry so I arranged with Father O’Connell to let him use the washing machine in the church basement. Hopefully, that will be the end of it.”

“Nicely done.”

“Uh-huh. And I documented my community service as a tax write-off.”

“That’s my girl.”

“Oh yeah, I also received a substantial deposit from our new client, the Kaplans. The wife’s father hasn’t been home in days.”

“Foul play?”

“I doubt it but after hearing about your assassin, I have to assume he’s involved in the same weird laser beam cult.”

“Odd coincidence.”

“Not really. They’re all over social media. Kooks multiply like cockroaches. Anyhow, they filed a police report… our clients, not the bugs, but you know how it is. The father, albeit in his eighties, is a grown man. He has a right to go where he pleases. Other than a few divorce cases, it’s been pretty quiet.”

“Good.” While I’m out of town, there’s nothing I like more than my wife staying home and out of danger. “What’s Joey up to?”

“Our stellar employee is wrapping up the case of the hairy dick and says he wants to open up his own branch. He’s calling itDivorces R Us.”

“Who knew he’d be so good?” At first, I balked at hiring the mobster’s son but he has plenty of useful experience.

“You’re kidding, right?” She sighs heavily. “I miss you, tough guy.”