Page 10 of Sam to the Rescue

“Color me impressed.”

“You should be. Once I earn a black belt, I’m insisting he notarize a legal document stating I am no longer a danger magnet.” When she laughs, I figure this is as good a time as any to bring up the subject of my emotional relapse.

“I have something to ask and need you to promise not to freak out.”

“How can I promise if I don’t know what it is? You could be bringing home a sister wife.”

I chuckle. “Babe, if I had another woman, my cock would fall off.”

She inhales sharply. “We can’t have that.”

“No ma’am.”

“Well, go ahead. As long as we agree I am not sharing, I will try to remain calm.”

I imitate Yoda. “Do or not do. There is no try.”

“Fine. I willnotmake a fuss. For heaven’s sake, spit it out.”

“Could you unpack my sleeping monitor?” My heart warms as I recall the day she gifted me with the machine. It was a game changer. After, I felt free to stay the night with her.

On the other side of the line, she hisses. “How long has this been going on, tough guy?”

“Just a few days.”

Her silence causes my pulse to race. We have a baby now. Will she ask me to leave? “Sam? What are you thinking?”

“I’m biting my tongue. I think it’s bleeding.”

“Is not.”

“Is too.”

“Go on, sugar. Say what you got to say.”

“Are you going to find a psychiatrist?”

“If I have any more episodes, I promise, I will.”

“Not acceptable. Call or I will.” She seldom uses her well-honed stubborn tone with me but when she does, she means business and will never back down which is why I have to stretch the truth a little.

“I promise.”As soon as I can figure out how to do it with no one knowing.In the meantime, I’ll do what I’ve been doing for years.

Bury that shit as deep as it will go.

Chapter 6

Sam

Generally, I like Sundays. First, I don’t have to cook and if Father O’Connell says mass, all the mothers with young kids sit on the front steps while he meanders on and on. Unlike my husband, I’m not impressed with his ability to cover at least six commandments with each sermon. Today, he started with loaves and fishes, moved onto infidelity, and somehow ended up with immaculate conception. Suds would call it a masterpiece. Me? I’m simply confused.

After communion, I sing the final hymn, and strap Mikey in the stroller for a Russo family brunch. My mom and Aunt Marion walk beside me while Rose and Mia fall behind.

A few droplets start to fall from the sky so my mother’s sister opens her huge umbrella and holds it over our heads. “The ladies at the salon keep asking for you. They miss you.”

“No, they miss my private eye reality-TV gossip.”

She nods. “Business fell off the moment you left. Your fan club misses you.”