Page 6 of Sam (Crow MC 2nd Generation #2)

ALLY

I hate this. The feeling of fear that creeps up on me as soon as the house goes quiet and everyone’s in their beds.

That motherfucker may not have succeeded in killing me, but he’s still living rent-free in my head, and I’m sick of it.

I’d not only spent months in hospital because I may have survived the stabbing…

just. But the infections that I got after it had almost finished me.

I’d had to be resuscitated twice. After the second time, I almost gave up; however, seeing love, worry, and concern on my family’s faces when I woke up made me realise I couldn’t quit.

I set a goal for myself once the antibiotics started to work that I’d do what I had to and get out of the hospital. I’d done that a month ago. It was time to set the next goal.

I’d spoken to my therapist about my goals, and she’d encouraged me to keep doing them.

My next goal was to find a job, something that gave me independence.

Not that I necessarily needed to find a job elsewhere.

I could work for any of my family. They’d welcome me, but for my own peace of mind, I needed to do this for myself.

I needed to know he didn’t win. He’d taken enough of my independence because I was terrified to go anywhere on my own, which was a complete ball ache not only for me but for whoever was babysitting me at the time.

It meant that schedules had to be rearranged to fit around me.

Not that anybody moaned about it. This was all me and hating that I was too scared to get into my car and drive somewhere because I didn’t want to be alone.

Frustrated, I slap my hands down on my bed, kicking my feet like a child having a tantrum. I know I’ll never get to sleep while I’m feeling like this.

Throwing my duvet back, I swing my feet out of bed and stand, wincing as my scar pulls at the abrupt way I moved.

I’d been assured the tenderness would eventually ease.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s just another thing for me to be pissed off at Abel Donaghue for.

Yep, that was my stalker’s name. The things they’d found in the private garage he had made my blood run cold.

I wasn’t the first person he’d stalked in his thirty years, but I would be the last. The other women hadn’t been as lucky.

Some they still hadn’t found. The ones that the police had found at least meant their families now had closure. I took comfort from that.

Opening my bedroom door, I walk into the dimly lit hallway. My mum, knowing my fresh fear of the dark, had bought night lights and plugged them in wherever she could so that if I got up at night, our home wouldn’t be in full darkness and I’d be able to see.

My nose burns as I try to hold back my emotions at how much my family has rallied around me. All the uncles, aunts, and my cousins, even the Crows, had visited me while I was in hospital. I’m loved, and that goes a long way to helping me heal.

Walking into the kitchen, I go straight to the kettle and flick it on before looking through all the boxes of tea that Mum had in her tea dispenser.

Choosing the chamomile, I put the bag in a mug, and once the kettle boiled, I fill the mug, adding a teaspoon of honey to it.

Wrapping my hands around the mug, I walk into the lounge and curl up in Dad’s recliner, pulling a blanket over my legs.

From the direction of the bedrooms, I hear a soft click of a door closing, and I know my mum is coming to check on me. Somehow, she always knows when one of us is awake. She calls it her mum's beacon. Not a second later, she walks into the room and comes right to me, bending to kiss my forehead.

“Can’t sleep?”

Shaking my head, I reply, “No, my brain won’t switch off.”

Mum runs a hand over my head, and I close my eyes, taking the comfort that is offered. “Let me make a tea, and I’ll come sit with you.”

“Kettle’s not long boiled,” I tell her. Watching my mother walk away, I’m in awe of how strong she is.

She’d lived through hell, and with the help of my dad, she’d come out the other side.

Oh, not my biological dad. He was part of the hell.

No, the man who’d taken my mum, Jeanie, and me into his heart and made us whole again.

Adam O’Shea was that man. He’d loved and protected us from the start, and I know he’d lost it when he found me bleeding out on the floor.

My new need for independence was going to be hard for him to understand.

As far as Dad was concerned, Jeanie and I never needed to leave home. He’d wrap us in bubble wrap if he could, so we’d never be hurt.

“Squidge up, baby,” Mum spoke, breaking my contemplation of our family history and how it had brought us here.

I do as Mum asks and squish up into the corner of the chair so that she can sit with me. Although I’m in my twenties, I snuggle into her the moment she settles under the blanket with me. I’d found over the last months I wasn’t too old to take comfort from my mum when I needed it.

We sit quietly for a minute or so. Eventually, Mum asks, “What’s keeping you up tonight? Other than the usual?”

Hesitating a little before I reply, “I need to look for a job.”

Mum tilts her head down to look at me in surprise.

Holding my hand up, I say, “I know I’m working at the office with you, but I need a job of my own.

I have to start claiming back my independence.

He’s taken a lot from me, and I need to take my life back.

My therapist agrees. I’m never going to feel safe if I keep hiding behind my family.

And Mum… that’s what I’m doing. I’m hiding. ”

Mum is quiet as she listens. I take a sip of my tea before continuing, “I have to start somewhere. I’ve sent Carly all my medical details, including what the physio recommended.

She’s going to work on a regimen to get me fit again.

I need to take control of my life, or he wins, and I’m damned if I’m letting him win,” I whisper the last part.

Mum brushes her hand over my head in comfort, pressing her lips to my temple. “I understand, baby, more than you might think. Your dad, on the other hand, may have a hard time coming around.”

“Yeah,” I sigh, “he can’t keep me wrapped up and protected at home forever, though. And deep down he knows that.”

“He does,” Mum agrees. “Finding you like that broke something in him. We need to be patient. He’ll get there eventually. This may be a good thing for everyone.”

I’d known my mum would understand where I was coming from. “I may have a solution,” she continues.

Sitting up, I turn to look at her. “Yeah?”

She nods, “Yes. Abby called me today to ask if I knew of anyone that she and Sam could hire as an office manager. You have the qualifications, and you’ve worked for me since you were sixteen, so you have the experience.

It would make your dad feel better because you’d be protected and with people that he knows. What do you think?”

A smile blooms over my face and a feeling flows through me that is so foreign it takes me a while to realise what it is. Excitement! It’s been so long since I’d felt anything except pain and anger that it took me by surprise.

“I say yes. Will you call Abby, or should I?”

Mum laughs at my enthusiasm. “I say we let Abby sleep because it’s the middle of the night, and I’ll call her tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I agree even as disappointment floods me, but Mum is right, it is the middle of the night. A yawn takes me by surprise.

“Ready to get some sleep?” Mum wants to know.

“Yeah,” I agree, slowly standing up. I take our now empty mugs to the kitchen and rinse them out before putting them in the dishwasher. We’d run it in the morning after breakfast.

Walking towards where Mum waits for me, I follow her down the passage to my room.

Getting into bed, I take the goodnight kiss and get tucked into bed like I had when I was a child with no complaints.

It was a comfort to both me and Mum. Closing my eyes, I drift off with a smile.

My sleep is only marred once with nightmares. I’ll take that as a win.