Page 34 of Saddles and Snowstorms (Sagebrush Cowboys #4)

Rowan

S hock.

That was all I felt. And all I had felt for the past three days. I couldn’t think or feel anything else. My body felt numb from head to toe and my heart… I wasn’t even sure it was working anymore. I was still walking around and breathing of course, but I just felt… hollow .

The last thing I expected was Brooks to blow up on me.

Maybe blow up was the wrong word… but he just rejected me out of nowhere when I needed him most. I didn’t understand it.

I thought we were doing well, that everything was going splendidly.

But now I was sitting alone in my apartment after another long day of work, except this time he wasn’t on his way over.

We weren’t going to fuck or cuddle or just enjoy each other’s company.

That wasn’t the important part though. The person I cared most about in the entire world wanted nothing to do with me.

And that, more than anything, wounded me down to my core.

It was all happening again.

The numbness began to crack, pain seeping through the fissures like water through a breaking dam. I reached for my phone, staring at the screen, willing it to light up with his name. Nothing. Three days of nothing.

I’d replayed our last conversation a hundred times in my head.

The way Brooks had stiffened when my old boss showed up unannounced.

How his eyes had gone distant when I got the offer to move back to Austin, like he was looking at something a thousand miles away.

Fear filled his gaze until he broke. Then he just told me to leave, to go back to Austin and live my life like we’d never even met.

The memory of his face—jaw tight, eyes dark with pain—made my chest ache.

I’d seen Brooks angry before, seen him frustrated dealing with ornery cattle or a sprained ankle.

But this was different. This was real fear, the kind that comes from the darkest places inside a person.

I thought he knew me better than that, that I wouldn’t leave him high and dry without an explanation.

Maybe he was tired of me. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had grown exhausted with my presence.

My ex was the same way, but he kept me around out of convenience.

Is that what Brooks had been doing too? Was I just a piece of ass to him?

Was everything he told me about not letting people in a lie?

I dragged myself off the couch and to the bathroom sink, splashing cold water over my face to snap myself out of my thought spiral.

It was getting out of control. I didn’t think Brooks hated me.

I was actually starting to think he loved me back.

But if that were true, how could he push me away so easily?

The bathroom mirror showed a man I barely recognized—hollow eyes, stubble that had grown past rugged into unkempt. I hadn’t been sleeping well. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Brooks turning away from me.

I grabbed my phone again, scrolling through our text history. The last message I’d sent him sat there, unanswered.

I don’t understand. Please talk to me.

My thumb hovered over the keyboard. Pride told me not to send another message, not to beg. But this wasn’t about pride anymore. This was about something that felt real, something I wasn’t ready to let go of without a fight.

I’m not leaving for Austin. I never planned to. I just wanted to talk about it with you.

But I didn’t press send. Instead, I deleted the message before tossing the phone onto my bed.

What was I doing? He’d made himself clear.

But had he? All I saw was a man terrified of something, and I knew Brooks well enough now to recognize when he was running scared.

But how the fuck was I supposed to fix it?

The evening stretched out before me, another night alone with nothing but my thoughts and the memory of his calloused hands on my skin.

I couldn’t bear it. So, instead of wallowing in my bedroom, I forced myself up, put on my boots, and walked across the street to Dolly’s Diner.

I hadn’t eaten since the day before because I was upset.

But my stomach wasn’t going to put up with it any longer.

The bell above the door jingled as I pushed inside. The diner was nearly empty except for a few regulars hunched over their coffee cups at the counter. Dolly looked up from where she was wiping down a table, her eyes widening when she spotted me.

“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” she said, but her usual sass was tempered with concern. “You look like hell warmed over, sweetheart.”

I slid onto a stool at the counter, not bothering to deny it. “Feel worse than I look.”

She came around, already pouring me a cup of coffee without asking. “You want your usual?”

I nodded, though food was the last thing on my mind. The coffee scalded my tongue, but I welcomed the pain. At least it was something to feel besides the hollowness.

Dolly busied herself putting in my order, then came back, leaning her elbows on the counter. “He came in yesterday, you know.”

My head snapped up. “Brooks?”

She nodded, her eyes searching mine. “Looked about as bad as you do. Maybe worse.”

“Did he say anything?” I tried to keep the desperation out of my voice, but I was pretty sure I failed miserably.

Dolly pursed her lips, her brow furrowing. “Not much. Just made his delivery and left. I couldn’t even get him to have a cup of coffee and that ain’t like him. Not to mention, he looked awfully hurt, more so than usual.” She raised an eyebrow in my direction. “You know anythin’ about that, sugar?”

I stared into my coffee, letting the steam warm my face. What was I supposed to say to that? That we’d been more than just friends? That I’d fallen for the most closed-off man in Sagebrush and now I was paying the price?

“I might,” I admitted quietly. “But it’s not what you think.”

Dolly’s expression softened. She reached across the counter and patted my hand. “Honey, I’ve known Brooks Callahan since elementary school. He was a year or two behind me. That man doesn’t let people in easy. Never has.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” I said, unable to keep the bitterness from my voice.

“His folks died when he was just a kid,” she continued, lowering her voice though there was hardly anyone to overhear. “Then old Joe, their ranch hand who took him in, passed too when he was just eighteen. Brooks has been alone a long time.”

I swallowed hard. “He told me some of that. Never mentioned how any of it happened though.”

“Did he now?” Dolly’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Well, that’s somethin’. Brooks don’t share his business with just anybody.

” She took a deep breath, leaning down close.

“It’s not my place to say, but his folks…

well they didn’t just get sick or somethin’.

We had a bad flood one year, one of those that jump up out of nowhere without warnin’.

And his folks… well, they was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Their car got swept away and by the time the police found it…

the coyotes hadn’t left much to identify. ”

My stomach churned at the image. God, no wonder Brooks was so afraid of loss. “And Joe?”

“Heart attack. Right there in the barn. Brooks found him.” Dolly’s voice was barely above a whisper now. “That boy was barely eighteen, all alone in the world with a ranch to run and no family left.”

The coffee in my cup suddenly looked as black as the hole in my chest. Everything was starting to make terrible sense.

Brooks pushing me away wasn’t about me at all.

It was about his fear that history would repeat itself.

That if he let himself love me, I’d be taken from him too.

He’d mentioned it more than once, but I didn’t know how severe it was. That kind of trauma… it ran deep.

“I need to see him,” I said, standing up so quickly I almost knocked over my mug.

Dolly caught my arm. “Hold up now. I didn’t tell you all that so you could go rushing off half-cocked. That man’s skittish as a wild stallion. You push too hard, he’ll bolt.”

“But—”

“Sit your ass down and eat something first,” she said firmly. “Then we’ll figure out how to handle this.”

I sank back onto the stool just as the cook slid my plate across the counter. The smell of fried chicken and mashed potatoes wafted up, but my appetite had disappeared. Still, I forced myself to take a bite, knowing Dolly wouldn’t let me leave until I’d eaten something substantial.

“You’re right,” I admitted between mouthfuls. “Rushing over there in a tizzy won’t help anything.”

“That man’s spent his whole life building walls,” Dolly said, refilling my coffee. “You can’t just tear ‘em down overnight. Gotta chip away at ‘em, brick by brick.”

I nodded, pushing potatoes around my plate. “I just... I thought we had something real, you know? Then my old boss showed up talking about this job in Austin, and Brooks just... shut down completely.”

Dolly’s eyes narrowed. “And were you planning on taking that job?”

“No! I mean, I don’t know. Maybe? I just wanted to talk about it with him first.” I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. “I wanted his input because what we have—had—matters to me.”

“But did you tell him that?” Dolly asked, her voice gentle but pointed.

“He… He didn’t give me a chance.”

Dolly nodded. “That sounds like Brooks. He’s puttin’ distance between you to make himself feel safe.” She tapped her acrylics on the counter thoughtfully. “Are you plannin’ on leavin’?”

“It’s a great job offer… and the one I dreamed of all through vet school.” I paused for a long moment, then shook my head. “No. Not if it means losing Brooks. I like it here. I’ve got no reason to leave.”

“Well… why don’t you prove it to him then?”

“Prove it to him?”

“That you belong here in Sagebrush. That you’re not goin’ anywhere. Tie yourself to this place. Make it impossible for you to leave.”

“I already own a vet clinic. How much more tying down do I need? ”

Dolly smiled knowingly. “Honey, you’re a good vet, but you’ve only been here, what? Two months? That’s not long enough for Brooks to believe you’re stayin’ put.” She leaned in closer. “When folks have been hurt like he has, they need more than words. They need action.”

I pushed my plate away, my appetite suddenly returning as a plan began forming in my mind. “You’re right. I need to show him I’m not going anywhere.”

“Now you’re thinkin’,” Dolly said with a wink. “But I don’t want you to do all the work either. He shouldn’t have run off on you like that, even if he is hurtin’. Show him you mean business, but you make damn sure he apologizes to you too. Ain’t no man his age should be actin’ like that.”

I nodded, feeling a spark of hope for the first time in days. “You’re right, Dolly. I’ll make him see I’m here to stay, but he’s still got some explaining to do.” I paused, looking up at her. “I really love him, you know?”

“I know you do, sugar. I’ve known for a while,” she said with a smile, then glanced at my half-eaten plate. “Now finish your dinner before it gets cold. Can’t go winning back your man on an empty stomach.”

I managed to clean my plate, though I barely tasted the food. My mind was racing with possibilities. How could I prove to Brooks that I wasn’t going anywhere? That Sagebrush was my home now?

The bell above the door jingled, and I turned instinctively, heart leaping into my throat. But it wasn’t Brooks—just Mrs. Henderson from the library coming in for her evening tea.

“You know,” Dolly said, watching me with knowing eyes, “that ranch of his might be a good place to expand your practice. He’s got a lot of land for so few cattle and it’s just goin’ to seed.”

I looked up at her, my fork halfway to my mouth. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I’ve been thinkin’. You’re always complainin’ about not having enough space for the larger animals, and old Mercer’s clinic you bought is barely big enough for the small ones.

” She wiped down the counter with a practiced sweep.

“Brooks has that old barn he barely uses since he downsized his herd after Joe died. Might make a fine place for treatin’ horses and cattle if someone fixed it up proper. ”

The idea hit me like a lightning bolt. A large animal facility outside of town—something Sagebrush desperately needed. I’d been sending folks all the way to Amarillo for serious cases. If I invested in something like that here...

“Dolly, you’re a genius,” I said, pushing away from the counter.

“Where do you think you’re going? You haven’t even had dessert.”

“No time,” I called over my shoulder, already halfway to the door. “I’ve got calls to make!”

“Don’t you go barging in on him tonight!” she hollered after me. “That man needs to stew a bit more!”

I waved in acknowledgment without looking back.

My phone was already in my hand, my fingers searching for a number I’d come across when I bought the clinic.

There was a big smile on my face and a fierce sense of hope filling my chest. If I could pull this off and make Brooks understand, maybe…

just maybe, he would stop pushing me away at last.

It was time to put down roots.