Page 4 of Ruthless Secrets (Alpha Mafia Daddies #6)

Chapter Three

CLARA

Was it all a dream?

But one look at the empty space on my ring finger where my wedding band should be and reality hits me in the face all over again.

Adam really is gone.

I throw my covers back over my head to try and muffle the sounds of my cries.

My neighbors are bound to put in a noise complaint any day now from the amount of scream-crying I’ve been doing over the past four weeks, but I just can’t seem to stop.

I’ve never experienced heartbreak like this.

I needed the night I had with the mystery man. Booze helped a bit. He helped more. At least until I opened my eyes again the following morning and reality came crashing down on me again.

No matter how much I wished that one incredible night of sex would heal me, it didn’t.

It doesn’t help that my phone has been eerily quiet.

Part of me was hoping Adam would reach out and try to beg for my forgiveness just so I could have the satisfaction of being the one to walk away from him. But so far, I’ve heard nothing. It seems all my luck has officially run out.

Even if he did end up calling, what would I even say? Thanks for breaking up with me so I could have the best sex of my life with a complete stranger in the very bed where we were meant to consummate our marriage?

As true as it might be, it doesn’t quite roll off the tongue.

In reality, no amount of apologizing or groveling is going to make up for what he did to me. My heart has been shattered, and I’m not sure whether it will ever be whole again.

Over the past five years, I can’t remember the last time I went for more than a few hours without talking to Adam. Even when I was working a long shift at the restaurant, I always found time to slip into the back and send him a quick text just so he would know that I was thinking about him.

I miss him, and I hate that I miss him.

What makes it so much worse is that the one person I would choose over everyone to talk through all of this with is the very person he cheated on me with.

Jess was my best friend, and not just a college roommate type of best friend. We met on the first day of kindergarten, and she has been at my side for the past twenty years. To lose her as well as Adam… Let’s just say that I didn’t think it was possible to feel this much pain.

I understand now how some people actually die from a broken heart.

I’m tempted to go back to sleep. It is the only time when I don’t feel like my soul has been ripped off my body. In my dreams, I get to re-live my one night of incredible sex.

Over and over again.

Someone starts pounding on the bedroom door. “Get up! We’ve got shit to do.”

“Go away, Sam!”

Sam Shields is my second best friend. Though I suppose she’s now been promoted to the top position, considering the fact that Jess is out of my life.

She has been an incredible friend to me during all of this by letting me stay in her spare room and listening to my endless amounts of crying through the walls. If it wasn’t for her, I would still be living at my old apartment with my ex-fiancé and his new baby mommy.

The only downside to Sam is that she’s not one for wallowing.

My door opens, and my covers are pulled off of me.

“Hey!” I curl up into a ball.

“The sooner we get your crap out of Adam’s apartment, the sooner you can move on with your life.” Sam throws open the curtains so that the bright March sun streams in through the window.

“Let me wallow,” I whine as I screw my eyes shut.

“You’ve been wallowing for a month, and you’ve used up all of my shampoo, so it’s about time you go and get your own stuff.”

Damn her. She makes a good point.

“What if he’s there?” I mumble.

“He’s not.”

I bolt upright in bed. “Did you speak to him?”

“No, but it’s a Tuesday. He’ll be at work.”

“Oh, right…” I forgot that normal life has resumed for everyone but me.

“Which means we have until five at the latest to get all of your stuff out. And we need to go and pick up the keys to your new place on the way, so get up. ”

My eyes well with tears at the mention of my new apartment.

“Shit, Clara, I’m sorry. I know I’m not great with the sympathy stuff.” Sam takes a seat on the end of the bed.

“No, you’ve been great.” I wipe my eyes. “I just can’t believe this is happening. This wasn’t part of the plan.”

“All the good things never are.”

“This is a good thing?”

“It will be. You’ll see.”

I don’t know what I would do without Sam. While I was rotting in her spare room for the past few weeks, she managed to find me a one-bed apartment that isn’t going to bankrupt me, all while working her ridiculously long hours as marketing strategist for a PR firm in the city.

Sam did offer to let me keep using her spare room, but I declined.

Having the rug ripped out from underneath you really will give you a new perspective on things, and I want to try and use this opportunity to focus on myself, and the best way I can do that is by standing on my own two feet.

I wish I didn’t have to leave my old hospitality job as well as move but unfortunately for me, Jess also works there, and I’m not about to run into her on a daily basis.

Thankfully, Sam came to my rescue again and spoke to a recruiter who found me a position at a high-end restaurant just a few blocks away from my new apartment.

I’d love to say it’s a silver lining, but I’m not quite there yet.

It’s been two months since my entire life fell apart, and I don’t feel any closer to getting over the heartbreak. Though that might be down to the fact that my way of coping is by not thinking about it at all.

My new job is turning out to be the perfect distraction. I barely have a chance to take a sip of water during my shift, let alone think about the state of my life, and then I’m so exhausted by the time I come home that I fall into bed and pass out.

My boss must think I’m a star employee because I barely take a day off and volunteer for extra shifts at every opportunity.

In reality, I hate having a day off because then I have no choice but to sit with the feelings that weigh so heavily on my chest.

Every time I think of Adam, my stomach bottoms out and I feel like I could throw up. It’s horrible, and I just wish there was a magic pill that would erase all memories of him and Jess from my mind.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think this would happen to me. I was so close to getting my happy ever after, and now I’m alone.

Maybe it’s time I got a cat…

I wish I was at work now, but unfortunately, today is one of my rare days off, so I instantly messaged Sam to see if she would stop by after work to keep me company, and to bring me Chinese food.

Except when I open the door and find Sam looking at me with an expression of mild disgust, I regret not spending the night alone.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I glance down at my attire and frown.

I’m wearing clean sweats for once, and I’m pretty sure I washed my hair yesterday, or maybe it was the day before…

“Are you okay?” She frowns.

She’s wearing a sleek black pant suit and a pale blue shirt which brings out the warmer tones in her skin, and her dark hair is loose around her shoulders.

“Yeah, for all intents and purposes. Why?”

“You look all pale.” She narrows her dark eyes at me.

“I am pale.” I laugh .

“No, not in the twilight vampire sense but more in the sick and dying sense.”

“Geez, thanks. Way to make a girl feel good about herself.”

“I’m serious, Clara. You’re sweating.”

I wipe at my forehead and cringe when my fingers come away damp. “I’m fine. Now come in so we can eat.”

But as Sam steps inside my tiny apartment and I catch a waft of the food as she passes me, my stomach churns and my mouth instantly fills with saliva, and not in a good way.

“Oh, god.”

“Clara…”

I don’t hang around to hear what Sam says. Instead, I bolt into the bathroom and empty the contents of my stomach in the toilet.

After I rinse my mouth and splash my face with some cold water, I head back into the main living area. Sam is taking out the containers of food and putting them on the counter. The sight of the greasy boxes almost makes me gag.

Am I getting sick?

“Sorry if you heard that,” I mutter.

“Hard not to when your bathroom is literally next to the kitchen.”

I collapse onto my ratty old couch and rub my hand over my stomach.

“You should have told me not to come over if you were sick.” Sam reaches into a cabinet for a glass and starts filling it with water.”

“I was feeling fine all day. A little tired, but not ill.”

“You haven’t eaten any dodgy takeout leftovers or anything?”

“No, I’ve mostly been eating my meals at the restaurant. I’ve never eaten so well in my life.”

“I hate to be the one to say it, but… ”

The look on Sam’s face is making me nervous.

“But what?”

“Is there a chance you could be pregnant?” She sets the glass of water down on the coffee table.

I stare at Sam for a moment before throwing my head back and laughing.

“You’re joking, right? Adam and I were saving ourselves for the wedding night, remember? I mean, not literally saving ourselves, but we took a break to make it more special, and?—”

Oh, shit!

I gasp as I remember who I ended up doing instead.

“And what?”

I think back to my one night of incredible, mind-blowing, unprotected sex.

“Oh, god.” I bury my face in my hands.

“What? Clara, what the hell is going on?”

“I slept with someone.”

“ What ? When? Who? Oh, my god, did you sleep with Adam?”

“Ew, no! It was some guy.”

“You’re going to have to give me more than that, Clara.”

“The night of my wedding, I was sitting at the bar at the hotel drinking tequila, and this guy came and sat next to me, and well… One thing led to another, and we hooked up.”

“You’re joking.”

“I’m not.”

Sam groans. “Please tell me you used protection, Clara.”

“I was heartbroken and one bottle of tequila in, so it must have slipped my mind.”

“Clara!”

“Sam, I swear, if you could have seen this man you would be congratulating me rather than scolding me.”

“Well, unfortunately for you, he’s not here. Please tell me you at least know his name…” Sam’s voice trails off when she catches the look on my face.

“It wasn’t high on my list of priorities at the time!”

“Clearly.” Sam sighs. “Okay, well, I guess there’s only one way to find out.”

Sam gets up and grabs her purse off the kitchen counter before coming to sit beside me again. She starts rooting around inside her purse.

“What are you doing?”

“Looking for this.” She pulls out a pregnancy test.

“Why do you have a pregnancy test in your purse?”

“For situations like this,” Sam says matter-of-factly. “Now get your butt in the bathroom and pee on the stick.”

I know there’s no point in arguing with her, so I take the test and go and lock myself in my tiny bathroom.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” I rip open the test and sit down on the toilet.

Adam and I were together for five years and never once did we have a pregnancy scare.

We were always vigilant about using protection.

While we knew we wanted to have kids at some point, we wanted to make sure we were financially secure enough and lived in an apartment that wasn’t the size of a shoe box.

Or I guess he was vigilant with me.

But that’s not the question. The thing is, I am even less financially secure now, and the thought of living in a shoebox sounds like luxury to me. The thought of adding a baby to the mix makes me feel sick with dread.

But Sam is right. There’s only one way to find out.

After I finish peeing on the stick, I set it on the side of the sink and wash my hands.

I don’t want to take it out into the living room and see the look on Sam’s face as we wait for the results. I already know what I did was stupid, and I don’t need her to remind me of the fact.

I have a feeling that this test is going to do that for me.

“It’s been long enough!” Sam calls from the other room.

“Here goes nothing…”

I turn over the test.

I didn’t think it was possible for my life to be any more of a dumpster fire until I look down and see the two pink lines staring back at me.