Page 62 of Russian Roulette
“I’m thirsty,” one yells. “Want a blowjob, Seven? You want to come on my tits?”
Oh my God.“This is unbelievably bad and embarrassing,” I say to Jade. “What is it about Vegas that turns nice young women from small towns into sex-crazed lunatics?”
“One word,” Jade replies with a laugh. “Alcohol.Lots and lots of tequila. And the mistaken belief that everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”
“Which has been proven countless timesnotto be true,” I say.
A girl wearing a skintight, white dress yanks her lacy bra out through one sleeve and slings it around like a rope lasso. “Save a horse, ride a cowboy!” she yells. “We’re coming for you, Seven!”
I’m mortified. The last thing I want is for Jade to get the idea I’m a guy who screws around. “I hate to tell you this,” I say. “This situation will escalate quickly. I’ve had tons of experience with bachelorette parties before. When a group of women get together to party and begin drinking heavily, anything can happen. Self-control and common sense fly straight out the window. Rowdy bachelor parties can’t compare to a horny group of ladies out for one last night of bad behavior. Vegas brings out the worst in people.”
“What should we do?” Jade asks.
“Get the fuck out of here,” I reply. “Hey Leroy!” I yell down through the roof. “Aren’t you paying attention to what’s happening? Can’t you see this?” He’s cranked up the stereo and can’t hear me. “Knowing Leroy, he’s still fantasizing about his middle school teacher and hasn’t noticed the situation unfolding ten feet from us,” I tell Jade. “He seriously is the worst bodyguard in the world at times.”
“Can I get your autograph?” the woman in the white dress calls out before breaking into drunken laughter. “On my tits!” She slides back inside the limo and opens the passenger door.
“Oh no, here she comes!” Jade says.
The woman piles out, quickly followed by the other three girls. They run across the street screaming while the drivers in the cars behind them blow their horns and yell for them to ‘get the fuck out of the way!’
One lady tries to keep up with the others in her four-inch heels and falls flat on her ass in the street.
“Uh oh,” Jade says. “That had to hurt. Now she’ll get run over in traffic. Should we go help her?”
“Nah, don’t worry. She’ll be fine. Women fall all the time in Vegas. Why can’t girls stay on their feet in this town? If they can’t walk in high heels, they shouldn’t be wearing them.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” Jade says, kicking off her heels and dropping them back into the limo. “I can barely stand up in two-inch heels, much less the shoes they’re wearing.”
“Oh my God, Courtney.” A woman stops to peer down at her friend sprawled on the pavement. “Are you okay?” Courtney leans over and throws up every bit of alcohol she’s consumed all night onto the street. “No! Courtney!” her friend whines. “You puked blue vomit on my new white shoes!”
“Let’s hope the sober girl isn’t the bride,” Jade says drily. “It would suck to have to take care of wasted friends at your own bachelorette party.”
“Now I can’t meet Seven,” the girl rants. “Dammit Courtney! You’ve ruined my party. Get back inside the limo and don’t you dare throw up in there. I’ll have to pay for it to be cleaned if you do. You’re the worst fucking bridesmaid. If I ever get married again, I’m not asking you to be in my wedding.”
“But I’m your sister,” she sobs with tears running down her cheeks. “You have to ask me to be in your next wedding.”
The girl sighs in disgust and tries to help her up while the remaining women keep running straight toward us like a pack of hungry hyenas out for blood.
“Fuck,” I say. “Let’s go. We need to get out of here.” I jump down into the limo and grab Jade’s waist with both hands to pull her safely inside. “Leroy,” I yell through the window. “Get us the fuck out of here now. What are you doing? Stop screwing around.”
Leroy is loudly sucking the last of his orange drink through a plastic straw without a worry in the world. He leans over to glance back at us. “Oh, shit!” he says. “Where did all those crazy women come from? Don’t worry. I’m on it. Strap your seatbelts on. We’re leaving.”
“We don’t have seatbelts back here,” I say.
“Hang on tight, then. Old Leroy is on the move. I’ve got this.”
“I hate it when you say that.”
He stomps on the gas and the limo lurches forward abruptly, up over the curb and into the street. That’s as far as we get. Damn this miserable traffic! We’re trapped the same as before.
“Oh crap! I’d better close the roof!” I say. “They might try to climb in here with us.”
I hit the button and we both hold our breath until the roof closes shut. I wrap both arms around Jade to hold her steady. She hasn’t said one word since I yanked her back inside the limo. Jade feels good in my arms, and my grip tightens around her. I can’t resist rubbing my short beard against her sweet-smelling hair. It’s soft, instead of being stiff and sticky with hair spray. Why don’t women realize men love to touch their hair? I love letting silky strands of long hair drift through my fingers and across my face.
Closing my eyes, I try to shut out the world outside the limo. For only a brief second. I wish the women would go away and that we were alone way out in the desert somewhere. Even Vulcan’s RV sounds good right now. Under a silent, wide sky with bright stars and a full moon.
Just me and Jade.