Page 4

Chapter 4

Ruth

Pulling myself up from leaning against the wall, I stand with my hands on my hips, pulse still racing from those kisses.

"Tobias!" I spit his name out like it burns my tongue. He looks from Joey to me with an infuriatingly blank expression.

"What was that?" I demand, voice shaking.

"What was what?" He asks with maddening calm, walking over to sit on the corner of my desk. "Why don't you get your stuff together?"

"What was what? What was WHAT?" I gesture wildly between us. "You walk in here like some avenging sheriff, furious that I'm working late. Spouting that it's a rule."

"I wasn't furious," he interrupts, his voice maddeningly level.

"Fine, you walk in concerned," I make exaggerated air quotes, "that I'm working late. Then you pin me against the wall and kiss me like you're a starving man and I'm a five-course meal. You run your hands over me, making me feel things I haven't felt in..." I stop myself, cheeks burning. "And THEN you just back off like someone flipped a switch." I cross my arms, "why?"

Tobias sits there, maddeningly stoic. I can see the fine lines around his eyes, the tension in his jaw. He doesn't look smug or proud of the effect he's had on me - he looks conflicted, almost pained.

"You even called me Roo. Damn it, you owe me an explanation."

"I'm sorry, Ruth," he finally says, eyes meeting mine. "I shouldn't have done that."

My frustration boils over. "I don't want an apology!"

"What do you want?" His dark eyes bore into mine with an intensity that makes my knees weak.

Do I dare say it? Mary's advice echoes in my head: Ask him. If you want the truth about what he's thinking or feeling, he's the only one who can give you the truth. You just have to have the courage to ask him.

"What I want is you." The words hang in the air between us, impossible to take back.

He stands abruptly, as if my confession has physically pushed him. "You don't want me."

"I've wanted you since that night at the Chamber picnic. Before we even kissed." I step closer, emboldened by the memory of his hands on me moments ago. "I always thought you were handsome, but that night, talking with you under the stars... I just didn't know how to tell you I was interested."

There it is, all my cards on the table. Ball's in your court, Sheriff.

Tobias places Joey gently on the floor before walking back to stand close enough that I can smell his cologne, see the faint stubble on his jaw. Close enough to kiss again if either of us leaned forward.

"Ruth." My name sounds like a prayer on his lips. He raises his right hand, running it through my hair, watching the strands slip through his fingers like he's mesmerized. "Ruth, I can't. I mean, we can't be anything. I'm sorry."

The words hit like a physical blow. I swear I can feel my heart plummeting to my feet, taking all the oxygen in my lungs with it.

"Why?" I barely recognize my own voice, so small and fragile.

"I just can't." His fingers continue their hypnotic path through my hair, contradicting his words. "I'm not sure how to explain it."

"Try using your big boy words," I snap, hurt making me sharp.

"I'm not trying to hurt you." His eyes soften, genuinely pained.

"Oh really? If this is how you cheer someone up, I sure would hate to see how you hurt them." I know I'm being unfair, but those kisses weren't just someone wanting a quick fling. They held passion, tenderness, and meaning. "I'm sorry, that was unfair. Just... tell me why. I deserve that much."

"Because I'm not..." He stops, swallows hard. "I'm just not."

"Not what? Attracted to me?" The words taste bitter. "Is that it? Is it because I don't have a tiny waist with long thin legs?" Without breaking eye contact, I catch his hand, stopping its movement through my hair. I step back, creating a distance between us. "Tell me the truth. Is it because I'm not some size zero?"

"No." The word comes out forceful, almost angry. "God, no, Ruth. It has nothing to do with that. Nothing." His eyes travel over me, betraying his words. "I think you're beautiful."

"I'm beautiful but not good enough to have a relationship with? That means then you must think I'm easy? That you can just make out with me then walk away?" The hurt is making me reckless now, pushing for answers I'm not sure I want to hear. "Is that it? You're just looking for a roll in the sheets?"

"DAMN IT, Ruth! That's not it either." Frustration colors his voice, the first real emotion he's shown since backing away from me.

He runs a hand through his hair, making the silver strands stand up. "There are rules about these things."

"Rules?" I echo, bewildered. "What rules? We're both single adults. I own my business, you're the Sheriff, not a priest. Is there a rule I don't know about, one against the Sheriff dating?"

"I'm no priest but I have rules." He looks almost haunted. "Rules I set for myself. For good reasons."

"Such as?" I press, not willing to let him off the hook.

"Such as protecting the people in this town. Including you."

"I don't need protection from you, Tobias."

"Maybe you do." The raw honesty in his voice stops me cold.

Before I can respond, his radio crackles to life, making me jump.

"Attention all units. Ten-ten at the Gaiter Bar. Officers on scene ten-seventy-eight."

In an instant, the conflicted man before me is replaced with on-duty Sheriff Trenton. He grabs the microphone attached to his shoulder and responds crisply.

"Charlie Charlie - one Alpha - ten-seventy-six."

"Ten-four, Charlie Charlie - one Alpha. Ten-seventy-seven?"

"Less than five minutes."

"Ten-four, Charlie Charlie - one Alpha - five minutes, roger."

With practiced efficiency, he takes my hand, pulling me behind him as he heads for the front door. Joey follows, nails clicking on the floor. I can hear the radio continuing to crackle with other officers responding.

"Ruth, I'm sorry, I have to go. An officer needs help." At the door, he turns, his expression softening for just a moment. "Please believe me, it has nothing to do with how you look. You're gorgeous." His hand squeezes mine briefly. "My job... who I am, who you are, it's complicated."

"What’s complicated, exactly?" I demand, but he's already moving away.

"Please, go home." He calls over his shoulder as he sprints to his cruiser. "No more late nights."

"Be careful!" I shout after him as his lights flash to life. Then, in a wail of sirens, red-blue strobes, and he's gone, leaving me with more questions than answers.

I stand in the doorway watching his taillights disappear, emotions warring inside me. Joey whines at my feet, sensing my distress. Or missing Tobias, at this point I don't know which one.

"Unbelievable." I lock the door with more force than necessary, then scoop up Joey. "Did you see that?" I hold him at eye level. "One minute he's kissing me senseless, the next he's making up some nonsense about rules." I lower my voice, mimicking Tobias's deep bass. "'Go home, Ruth.' Like I'm some wayward teenager out after curfew."

Joey tilts his head, utterly unhelpful.

"And the worst part?" I continue, carrying him back to my office. "I'm still thinking about those kisses." I touch my lips, which still tingle from Tobias's attention. "What kind of masochist does that make me?"

I gather my laptop and notes, shoving them haphazardly into my bag. The spreadsheet can wait. I've had enough emotional whiplash for one night.

"Rules," I mutter, checking the back door lock. "What rules would possibly prevent two grown adults from admitting they're attracted to each other?" Joey offers no insights beyond a sleepy yawn. "And for the record, I'm going home, not because he practically ordered me to. I'm going because I'm tired. That's all."

As I turn out the lights, I can't help wondering what Tobias meant about needing protection. I don't understand what or where he's coming from. He makes no sense to me.

Outside in the parking lot, I scan the shadows, suddenly aware of how isolated the strip mall feels at night. Tobias's warnings echo in my mind as I hurry to my car, Joey tucked securely under my arm.

The drive home feels longer than usual, my thoughts circling endlessly. The tenderness in Tobias's touch is at odds with the barriers he's erected. The flash of vulnerability in his eyes. Mixed with the obvious internal struggle. Completely opposite from the way he responded to the emergency call - so capable, in command.

Whatever rules he's created for himself, they're clearly causing him pain. That much I could see in his face. But if he thinks I'm going to just accept his cryptic non-explanations and move on, he doesn't know me very well.

"I've never been good at following rules anyway," I tell Joey as we pull into my driveway. "Especially stupid ones that make everyone miserable."

Tomorrow, after a good night's sleep and some distance, maybe I'll be able to make sense of Tobias Trenton's hot-and-cold behavior. But tonight, all I know for certain is that beneath his professional exterior and self-imposed barriers, there's passion waiting to be unleashed. For now, my only other question after that encounter is if the toys in my nightstand are fully charged.