Page 22

Chapter 22

Ruth

I alternate between crying and cursing Tobias out the entire way home. I make one stop where I barely keep it together as I buy three bags of Cheetos, two Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice creams, a Hershey's bottle of chocolate syrup, and a large can of peach iced tea. Now I'm in my pajamas, sitting on the floor in front of my sofa with my favorite king-sized lime green fuzzy blanket tucked under my feet and thrown backward over my head. When I'm really upset, I hide myself from the world, cocoon myself from the pain. And tonight, I'm beyond upset.

"That fucking jerk," I growl, smashing my teeth down on a particularly large Cheeto. "I don't want you to ever talk to him again. No wiggling, no whining and definitely no licking. None. We're through with him." I eat another Cheeto, sharing a tiny piece with Joey who only licks the cheese off. I both admire and hate his willpower.

"This is where we live now, Joey. I'm not going out ever again. You know why? Because if I did go out, I would end up going to jail for punching the Sheriff. Damn jerk." The tears freely flow down my cheeks. I've given up wiping them away. "Of course, I would be tried by a jury of my peers. Which means plus size ladies who have been hurt by the men they care about." I shine my phone down at Joey who has his head leaned to one side listening to me. Or waiting for another Cheeto. Either way at least he cares. "You're right, I'd get off scot free."

A spoonful of ice cream. "You know, he could have," sniffling, "that damn coward, he could have just said, 'hey fatty I'm not—'" I blow my nose. "I'm not interested. But nooo, what does he do? He gives me the best orgasms of my life, then bails. BAILS! Stupid fucker." I head straight into an ugly cry. Joey crawls up on my lap, offering me comfort by licking the left-over Cheetos cheese off my face.

Picking up my partially melted ice cream, I leave the spoon this time choosing to use Cheetos as my spoon.

"Is it against the law to play with someone when you aren't interested? Huh?" I fill my mouth with a loaded Cheeto. "But, wait, he had a hard-on and men don't get hard-ons unless they are interested. The penis picks!" I shove more ice cream into my mouth as I sob. "And the way he kissed me."

"That kii-sss it, it, it meant," I try to take a breath but end up taking several quick small ones. "Some-thing. It meant something. Soft and caring. Not, I can't stand your fat ass.'" Wiping my nose with the back of my hand, I instinctually wipe off my cheeks too. "Well, my fat ass doesn't care about him at all." The sobs pick up knowing that was a lie.

"You know what Joey? That's what I get for liking someone. For wanting someone in my life. Someone like him." I take a drink of my tea, then shove a handful of Cheetos in my mouth. Giving Joey a small piece which he eats perched across my knees. "I'll just shove my tongue down your throat, spank your ass and drive my fingers into you over and over. ALL because you're AN OBESE WHALE. FUCK YOU TOBIAS!"

The tears overspill and run down my cheeks. My breathing is like violent hiccups.

"I really liked him." I sob, bringing my hands to my face as I cover my eyes with my palms. Then wipe away the tears making sure not to use the cheese-stained side of my hand. I take a few deep breaths.

"No, no, I'm not going to cry over someone who acts like that. No," The tears slide down my cheeks and nose. "If he wants to be an ass, then fine be an ass, but be an honest ass. Not a damn liar!" I sit in the dark under my blanket and sniffle. Joey rushes out of the hole I made earlier for him. He's not new to our blanket times. He knows how to get in and out.

"Ruth?" I hear my auntie's voice. "Where is she, Joey?"

I hear her walk across the kitchen tile. "Ruth?" Since I have been doing this blanket routine since I was a kid, I know that as soon as she sees the big lumpy blanket, she will know exactly where I am. That and I'm sure Joey will rat me out and show her.

Joey runs back under the blanket. Traitor.

"Ruth." Her voice sounds concerned.

"Yes," I say, then start crying again.

"Honey, what happened?" I feel my auntie sit on the footstool right next to me. "Ruth, come out from under there and talk to me."

I drag the blanket down over my head and pool it on my lap.

Looking up into my auntie's face, her normal loving, caring face has become a look of shock.

"Good night a livin', what happened to you?" She stares at me.

"What?" I whisper.

"Your hair is, well, it looks like someone has pulled you backward through a hole. Cheetos cheese dust on your cheeks, nose, forehead. Not to mention an impressive orange ring around your mouth. Umm, what is that on your chin?" She leans closer, her mouth open as she concentrates on my chin. "Ice cream?" She looks around the room. "If this is a three bag Cheeto's and ice cream situation it must be bad. What happened?"

"The outfit worked," I say, tears streaming down my cheeks. My aunt and I are very close, so I fill her in on the night, all of it. I start with the call about the security system, then catching him staring at me in my dress. Tobias locking the door, us in the back room. What we did, in detail. Then how he left. I'm a blubbering mess when I finally get the last words out.

My auntie takes a big breath, sits there for a moment, then slowly blows it out.

"That bastard." She closes her eyes then slowly opens them. "I'm so sorry, Ruth. I never would have guessed the sheriff would have acted like that. Never." She picks up the half-eaten ice cream container and helps herself. "Oh honey, I just, I don't know what to say other than I want to punch him in the nose."

"Joey said I would get away with it. So, I don't see why you wouldn't either."

Joey leaves my side, walks over to her, getting up on his hind legs. He begs to be picked up. "Come here, love. I know mom is sad, isn't she?" Joey nuzzles her chin with the top of his head.

She sets the ice cream on the side table. Looking back down at me, she shakes her head. "I don't understand. Tobias just doesn't seem the type of man who does that, then leaves the way he did. It doesn't make sense."

"Me either. I think he lied. When I told him I hadn't been with anyone in a long time, he said he hadn't either and then kissed me. He kissed me with such softness and passion." Tears spill over as I tell her. "That type of kiss isn't made up. You can't fake that."

"No, no, you can't."

"He had to be lying about something." I raise my hand. "He was turned on; he had a hard-on, I felt it."

Another sigh from my auntie. "Why would he lie?"

"I don't know." I mimic her sigh. "I just know it hurts, and I'm stiiicckky." The sobs start again. I lean the top of my head against my auntie's leg as she rubs the back of my neck.

"It's okay, Ruth, let those tears out. It's okay."

After a bit, I sit up and wipe my tears away with the back of my hand.

"Goodness, your hands."

Looking down, I see my hands are the color of Cheetos. No wonder I have cheese dust all over my face.

"Okay, come on. To the shower with you. We won't be able to figure out anything while you are covered in cheese dust and sticky from melted Ben and Jerry's. Come on, off you go. I'll still be here when you get out." She pulls at the blanket at my feet.

"Thank you."

"Oh dear, you don't have to thank me. It's what family does. Now go shower, you will feel better. Meanwhile, I'm going to clean up your mess and figure out how to beat some sense into the Sheriff."

Smiling, I step up the two stairs leading into the dining room.

If anyone would get away with beating up Tobias, my auntie would. I kind of hope she does. He's such an ass.

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead." My auntie pulls the blanket down from its normal spot over my head. "I don't know how you sleep like that. I would strangle myself with the blanket."

"It makes me feel comforted. Why are you here waking me up?" Yawning, I attempt to pull my blanket back up.

"Nope. It's spa day. I called right away this morning and made an appointment for us both. You have hair with Dianna, a mani-pedi, and a massage. Now come on, get up so we can get going."

"Really, a spa day? I don't want to see people today. Plus, I have to work." Picking up my phone, I hit the home button and see it's almost nine o'clock. "Damn, I'm late." I throw back the blankets and jump out of bed. "Why didn't you tell me it was so late?" I shoot my auntie an irritated look as I run into my closet.

"Because you don't have to work today. Mary is going to cover for you." My auntie's voice advises me from the bedroom.

Stopping and glancing back into the bedroom, "What? Mary isn't on today. I am."

"Mary is covering. She is already there. I talked to her last night. She had no problem with it, considering what happened."

"You told Mary?" I half-yell as I walk back into the room, stopping right in front of where she is sitting.

"No. I didn't tell her everything. Just that you had a bad date and needed a day to recover. Now, get dressed. Remember she went shopping with us, she knows what's going on." She glares back at me.

"Oh yeah, you're right she does." Walking back into the closet, I quickly throw on a maxi dress with a jean jacket. "Remind me why we are doing this?"

"Because, pampering yourself is the best thing to do when you go through a heart ache. It's Auntie's answer to taking care of yourself."

Smiling, I pull her close for a hug. "Thank you for always being there for me."

Arriving at the spa, I realize I'm actually excited. I haven't had a full beauty treatment in a long time.

"Good morning, ladies. We are all ready for you." The receptionist greets us as we walk in. "Help yourselves to the coffee bar if you would like. Auntie, I'll take you back when you are ready. Ruth, Dianna will be out in a minute to get you."

"I'm ready now. See you later, dear." And like that, I'm left standing in the lobby by myself. Walking over to make a much needed cup of coffee, my mind strolls through the pleasurable part of last night. Picking a coffee pod, I insert it and wait for the coffee to begin filling my cup. Tobias leaning against me, his breath on my neck.

"Stop! I'm not thinking about him," I whisper to myself.

"Hi Ruth. I'm sorry, I didn't catch what you said."

Startled, I turn and see Dianna standing next to me. She is so beautiful, with her perfect makeup and flawless hair. I'm often so jealous of how stylists never have bad hair days.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." She places a hand on my forearm.

"No, no, it's okay. My mind is someplace else. How are you?" Grabbing my cup and adding the creamer I picked out.

"I'm good, thanks. How are you?" Dianna leads me to her station. I've been a client of hers for years. She is a really sweet, down-to-earth, tell-it-like-it-is lady, and I love our conversations. She is the kind of person you always mean to call to go out and have a drink with, but you never get around to making it happen.

Wait. I freeze as I'm sitting down. How could I have forgotten? Dianna is Tobias's daughter-in-law. His daughter-in-law. Oh God, what if she knows? What if Auntie told her? What should I say? I'm guessing I shouldn't lead with your father-in-law's great with his fingers. Damn, I should have stayed home!

"Sooo, Auntie told me today's appointment is because of a bad date last night. Girl, I can't wait to hear. You know I love me some man bashing. They can be so dumb. But first, what are we going to do with your hair? New cut, new style? What would you like?"

After we make a plan for my hair, I tell her briefly about my man troubles without saying who it is, leaving out the explicit sex details and exactly how he left last night's encounter.

"Do I know him?" She asks me from behind while she is running a comb through my hair.

OH SHIT! No, no, no, no.

"I'm sorry?" I try buying myself some more time to think of an answer.

"Do I know who this loser is?"

Smiling a small, subdued smile, "No, I don't think so."

"Are you going to tell me who he is?" I see her in the mirror. She places her hands on her hips and puts on a play pout.

"Nope, it's embarrassing. But I will tell you the crap he pulled when he left last night."

That should get her off trying to figure out who it is.

"Wait, wait, you two had a super hot make-out session. He was all into you and then he got up and poof, left? Just like that? All because you are a curvy plus-size girl? Is that what you are telling me?" Dianna has scissors in one hand and a comb in the other. She is staring wide-eyed at me in the mirror, doing nothing to hide the shock on her face.

"Yep," I pop my lips as I say it. "That's it exactly. Didn't have the balls to tell me when I asked, gave me the silent treatment while he just got up and walked out."

"Whe-re is his momma? She needs to slap him six ways to Sunday. Walked out without a word, girl! I want to slap him!"

Brenda, whose chair is next to Dianna's, walks over and stands next to me. Brenda has a unique style. She isn't afraid to express who she is, and of course, since she is a beautician, she's beautiful. Has to be close to five foot ten inches tall, toned from all the cross-training she does. A colorful full sleeve of pin-up models covers her left arm. She has the brightest bubblegum pink hair cut in a cute, bouncy bob style. During my appointments, she often comes over and visits. Today is no exception.

"I've been listening. I think you should find him and puncture his nuts with a pair of stilettos!" She places a hand on my shoulder. "Don't you let him get you down. You're gorgeous, have a hell of a rack and your ass is banging! Anytime you want to be treated like a queen and switch teams. You're always welcome to come over to the winning lesbian side. If you do that though, you best be calling me first."

"You know I will," I reply in a sassy, flirtatious tone. This isn't the first time Brenda has made a comment about me becoming a lesbian.

"Good, no lesbian would treat you like that. We love our curvy goddesses and treat them as such. Now listen, even if you aren't going to come over to our side. The winning side. You just say the word and some stud girls will come and teach that boy a lesson." She kisses me on the cheek. A mental image of a group of lesbians all pointing fingers and talking at once as they surround Tobias causes me to throw my head back in laughter.

"Hey, don't suddenly move so quickly. I about gave you a bald patch." Dianna nicely but with force puts my head back where it was.

"Brenda, your appointment is here." The receptionist walks over and announces.

"See you later, cutie. You call me and I'll bring the studs, me being one of them." Brenda turns and heads to the salon entrance.

Dianna leans in and whispers, "Trust me, she would bring them girls in a heartbeat if it meant defending a woman. She is all about women being treated fairly. Plus, she thinks you're awesome."

I smile into the mirror. The idea of having a secret band of people willing to go to bat for me makes me smile. I would never use such a group, but it's somehow comforting knowing they are a phone call away.

We spend the rest of the appointment talking about other ways that men have been jerks in our lives and throughout history. I love our appointments.

All the while, I'm silently thanking whatever higher power exists that Dianna doesn't know it was her father-in-law who broke my heart. God, I can't even imagine the family drama that would cause. The mental image of Dianna confronting Tobias at a family dinner makes me both cringe and secretly delight in the potential chaos.

After all our appointments, my auntie and I head to lunch at her favorite coffee shop.

"Thank you for this morning. I feel," I pull my coffee cup close and examine it, "like I'm worth something again."

"Ruth!" My auntie's voice snaps at me, causing me to jump and spill my coffee. "You have always been worth something. Don't you ever forget that. No one has the power to make you feel you aren't important or that your opinion doesn't matter. They can only suggest and push their agendas on you. How you react and how much power you give them is one hundred percent up to you."

Looking at her, I know she is right. The situation still hurt, and the shock of it took me off my guard. I won't let that happen again. I won't ever let Tobias make me feel like he did and over time the feelings will fade and I'll be alright.

By the time she drops me off at my place, I'm over talking about what happened, why he did what he did. I'm even over man-bashing. I say my thanks again while getting out of her car. The sun warms my face as I walk up to my house. Hearing Joey's bark, I know exactly where he is and what he's up to. Changing my direction, I head to the backyard entrance. Thinking Joey would probably like a play date at the dog park.

Opening the gate, I survey the situation and see everything is as it should be. One fat squirrel chattering and taunting an irritated shaggy little dog from the overhead wire.

"Joey, how long have you two been at it? I'm sure the neighbors love listening to this." I trudge across the lawn to pick him up because he will not leave the standoff, that would be admitting defeat. Finally, when I'm about five feet from him, he notices me and goes into wiggle mode. Not out of the excitement of it being me. I'm sure it's because he is hoping I will do something to the squirrel. Which doesn't happen. The squirrel is so used to my presence it doesn't move, just sits there, watches me pick up the dog and carry it out of the yard. The dog growls over my shoulder as we leave. I imagine the squirrel yelling "Victory!" while Joey is yelling "Interference!" Oh, the joys of owning a pet. I close the fence gate and watch the squirrel scamper down the wire to the nearby pole.

"Come on, little man, you can fight another day."

Chuckling, I carry him to my car. The dog park is a bust. No one is there. Joey just kind of stands there waiting. So, we leave and head home with a stop at the grocery store first. If I'm going to get over Tobias, it's going to require something other than junk food.