Page 24

I came after an excruciating crescendo of rising tension. Hot cum sprayed Patrick’s body in wild ribbons just as Patrick lifted his other hand to my face, slipping two fingers into my mouth and cupping my chin with the rest of his palm.

I sucked his fingers, coming on his chest and stomach and riding him just as needily. Something about it, either my tongue toying with his fingers or the heat of my cum on his body, tipped him over the edge.

He shuddered and rammed himself into me, throbbing so hard that I felt its ripples in my entire body. I swam through the depths of this sensation, my moans growing quieter and my breathing deepening.

Even as Patrick’s dick calmed and each move of my hips made his abs tremble with tension, I rode him.

Little by little, I slowed down, though he didn’t go soft yet.

It was a thing I’d discovered early that kept me fascinated ever since.

Patrick stayed hard for a while, and even when it passed, it didn’t take much to get him back up.

Pinching his nipple, licking his ear, whispering something dirty over his lips, and he was hard and ready.

I adored my insatiable lover. I adored his willingness and readiness to spend the night with me, not sleeping a single minute of it, giving me the kinds of pleasure I hadn’t been able to conjure up in my dreams.

Slowly, I lifted myself off Patrick and offered him a hand.

I didn’t need to say it. He got up and spanked my ass on the way to the bathroom.

The cabin was just big enough for both of us to shower together, and we didn’t mind that it forced us to stand very close or touch parts of our bodies with every move.

A month ago, I would have been mortified if someone saw me naked. Hell, I’d struggled with changing my clothes when my underwear was very safely on me. And I wasn’t racing to strip off in front of a crowd of people, but I was very comfortable next to Patrick.

It surprised me that I would be comfortable.

Patrick was way too hot in any setting, especially standing next to me.

I’d been comparing myself to him all this time as I took notes about his workouts and diet.

In the back of my mind, this nagging thought reminded me over and over again that I could be like that if only I were more disciplined.

But it was bullshit. Discipline and diet were only a slice of it, and it was especially untrue when taken without the rest of the pie.

Genes played a huge part, early development did, too, hormone levels, daily routines, upbringing, and the entire biosystem that made a single body.

It wasn’t so simple as upping my protein intake or running for longer.

And when Patrick spread his foamy fingers over my body with such care and longing, I let myself believe that I didn’t need to look like him.

I could just be the lanky old me. There was someone who adored me that way and wasn’t ashamed about it.

So I relaxed and let our arms wrap around one another while the hot water poured down on us.

I didn’t want to compare my flat features with his curved ones. I didn’t want to live my life thinking if he would like me more if I were muscled. So I believed him on his word and his actions. I believed him when he told me I was hot as all hell breaking loose and sexy as a mortal sin.

Patrick kissed me, licked my lips and tongue, and laughed as he pressed me against the cold tiles that made me squeal.

He moved his hand over me, washing the soap off my body, and turned the shower off before handing me a towel from outside the little cabin.

And when we were clean and dry, I didn’t hurry to hide in layers of baggy clothes.

I let myself be the way I was because he didn’t look away with disinterest.

Next summer, I might dare go with him to the lake, undress on the beach, let people’s gaze skim over me with no interest at all, because Patrick’s glances would be enough.

My heart clenched when I thought about it. Would he be interested until then? Would he always be? And what about winter break? Would it last so long?

“God, I can watch you like that all night,” Patrick said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Like what?” I asked, finding a smile for him.

“Lost in thoughts,” Patrick said. “I’ll bet you anything you were overthinking just then.”

I tried to snort, but a laugh rippled out of me. “Got me.”

“What was it this time?” he asked, tucking his hands under his head and sinking deeper into my pillow. I sat by his shins, glancing down at his soft dick and smooth legs.

“Not telling you,” I said.

“Let me guess,” he said, taking a smaller pillow off the side of the bed.

He lifted it and brought it down on me with surprising speed and force.

“Dick size?” The pillow smacked my bare back.

“Muscles?” The pillow came around and thumped my chest. “Being a virgin for so long?” The pillow hit the back of my head.

“Running late on weekly data analysis?” He tossed the pillow in my face, laughing. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

I swallowed and folded my arms on the pillow, keeping it safe in my lap. “A bit of everything, I think,” I said. “But…muscles.”

“You’re so ridiculous, you know that?” Patrick said, his torso glowing under the reading lamp’s subdued light.

“I’m not gonna bullshit you about how annoying it is to work to keep up the physique.

I’m sick of guys who do that ’cause it’s all crap anyway.

If they were sick, they’d quit. It’s pity talk. I’m proud to look the way I do.”

I nodded.

Patrick’s gaze sharpened as he examined my face.

“I’m an athlete. I need whatever is gonna give me the edge against my opponent.

Otherwise, that little shit Titan would have run me over before we even hit the boards last week.

But it’s not a standard of beauty, Shane.

I couldn’t care less if you were ripped, curvy, or skinny.

And, more to the point, you shouldn’t care what I think. ”

“I bet you always took home the hottest girl,” I teased, or tried to. It came out a little flat, a little accusatory.

“Didn’t go home with freaking bodybuilders, I’ll tell you that,” Patrick said. “I have enough of that in the rink.”

I laughed at the nonchalant way he said that. “You’re right. And I think I’m getting better at keeping it in mind.” I glanced down. “And I’m not fussing about the size.”

“Sure you’re not,” Patrick teased.

He was incredulous. But he was also just a little right. Not that I would want him to know that. “Let’s put it this way: if I were any bigger, you’d be in a lot of trouble.”

“Oh yeah?” he asked, lifting himself up and grabbing the pillow from under my arms. “How so?”

“You think your virgin ass could survive it?” I asked, trying to catch the pillow.

“Yours did,” Patrick said, pulling the pillow just out of reach.

“I’ve had years of practice with unspeakable objects, and you’ve never even had a finger,” I said, yanking the corner of it and tugging it back.

Patrick wasn’t parting ways with the pillow. “Empty threats from a bottom.”

“Verse,” I shot back.

“I heard that’s what bottoms say to other bottoms, hoping it would turn the other one into a top,” Patrick said and snatched the pillow from my hand, then tossed it in my face again.

I was laughing too hard to notice. “Where the hell did you hear that?”

“So, you’re saying it’s not true,” Patrick said, skepticism so strong in his voice that I picked up on the underlying sarcasm.

“I’m definitely verse,” I said and shrugged. “I just let you fuck me because I don’t wanna scare you. Yet.”

And sure enough, Patrick was getting hard again.

“Mm, you’re not so much of a top as you thought,” I said.

“You can try scaring me,” Patrick said, his voice a little more airy now. “Next time.” Then, as an afterthought, he said, “I’ll need to look up a manual.”

I licked my lips and swallowed the words that had nearly left my lips.

Patrick cocked his head and looked at me. “What?”

“Nothing.” Busted.

“You didn’t say something,” Patrick said. “What is it?”

My pulse hurried. “It’s just…I’ve been thinking.”

“Oh boy,” Patrick said.

I threw the pillow at him, but he caught it before it did any intended damage. “I wanna start taking pills so we can…” I chuckled. Some things were still hard to talk about, even with him.

“So we can raw-dog it?” he asked.

My nose wrinkled, and I laughed. “If you wanna put it that way.”

“Define ‘put’ and ‘it,’” Patrick said, making me laugh harder. “Do you need the pills for that? I can just get tested.”

A campus-based NGO offered free tests for STDs. The idea of walking in mortified me, so I never thought to ask Patrick to do it for me. Besides, I would get tested, too, just in case, if he went with me. “We both can,” I said.

“And then,” Patrick said in a deeper voice, rubbing his hands like a greedy cartoon character.

It excited me into feral lust to think of doing it without the condom. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the purpose of it, but to think I could be even closer to Patrick, that this last, thin barrier between our bodies would be gone, was more than my mind could process.

“Who’s horny now?” Patrick asked, smirking.

“Shut up,” I said. “It’ll pass.”

“I can give you a hand.”

“I’d rather catch a breath,” I said.

“Mm, good thinking. Save your strength for later.” And he looked at me with so much adoration that I knew he wanted me again. I couldn’t miss it. It was right there on his honest, glowing face.

Patrick reached over and pulled me down to lie next to him. I did it without a complaint. He kissed my cheek and jaw, then bit the soft part of my earlobe and let out a short, hot breath over it. “To recap, you want to fuck me, and you want it bare.”

Fuzzy feelings turned into glowing coals in me. “You’re still doing it,” I told him.

“Hush, I know exactly what I’m doing,” Patrick said. “I bet you want to feel what I’m like when you’re inside. And do you think you could feel me coming better?”

I laughed. He knew how to be so insufferable when he was horny.

And the worst part was that it was so easy to catch.

It made me the same. It made me uncomfortable with desire and desperate to direct it somewhere.

It reminded me of the long summer nights when I would stay up late and fantasize about all the boys I liked, barely able to breathe with the weight of those dreams pressing down on me.

But I had Patrick. And I knew I was safe with him.

So I turned around to face him, the same old gleeful spark in his eyes and mine and the devastating attraction that pulled us closer and closer together.

The second time was always tamer than the first. It was like we had sex first to feed the beast and satisfy the urges, then again to actually feel it.

And the mirage never shattered; whichever kind we picked, it felt like the superior one.

We slept after. The damned alarm woke us up and told us it was time to go.

We had lectures separately on Monday morning, and I couldn’t miss these.

I took my notes religiously, but my mind caressed the memories of last night, of our conversations, of the time when words no longer sufficed, of the gentle touches in the strangest of places, and the things they made me feel.

When I saw him again, it was afternoon, and it was in a locker room full of his friends.

He walked around with a beaming smile on his face, bright enough to draw a few bewildered looks.

The trouble with that was just how brilliant he was.

You couldn’t look at him for so long and not go blind.

He was a beacon in total darkness, blazing his warmth and light for us sinners who stumbled around.

“Look at you all cheerful,” Easton said in passing. “You look like a whole bus of Arctic Titans went over the cliff.”

“Do I?” Patrick asked.

He did.

Easton’s gaze betrayed him. It didn’t stay on Patrick. It bounced, shielding itself away from the brightness that radiated from under Patrick’s skin. And it landed straight on my face. “How’s the research going?” he asked, covering it up. He knew everything like it was laid out in piano sheets.

“I think I’m getting there,” I said. “I get to see you guys kick some ass every week. It’s a pretty sweet deal.”

Easton grinned and slapped my shoulder, shaking it with fondness. “Yeah, you’re so one of us. Even if you don’t play.”

I contained the smile that would have blinded him after all.

It made me wonder how a friendless virgin landed here.

A boyfriend, people willing to be friends, more sex than I could keep track of, and this moving, speeding current underneath it all that pulsed with the desire to stay alive.

To live for something. Because something was coming, something was in my future—something I needed to be around for.

Something. Or someone.

I looked at Patrick again and felt my heartbeat in my throat, swelling and speeding up. And I knew without a shred of doubt that I was in love with him.