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TWELVE

SHANE

The Saints carried Patrick on their shoulders out of the locker room and out of the rink. He had sacrificed himself for the team rather than chasing his own glory, and the guys knew it. I had never seen him so happy.

He beamed through the night, glancing at me with red, glossy eyes and red cheeks, letting his gaze linger, letting his lips pause in a brilliant smile.

It took my breath away each time, and each time, I told myself not to be silly.

He had made their first win against the Titans possible at the risk of his own well-being.

He deserved to beam like a lighthouse. It didn’t mean anything.

Oddly enough, Patrick was the first to pick himself up from the joined tables and ask me if I wanted to head back.

“Don’t you want to celebrate?” I asked.

“We have time to celebrate,” Patrick said. “This is just the beginning.”

If winning streaks were this ephemeral thing of part talent and part magic, the Saints had captured one and expected it to last.

Yes, I wanted to go back with Patrick. And no, I didn’t think his invitation was anything beyond kindness.

He wouldn’t leave me with a crown of semi-familiar guys, that was all.

And I could make his heart explode in his chest every time I undressed him shamelessly with my eyes, but it didn’t mean he would ever leap across the canyon between us.

Patrick and I waved the guys goodbye and headed out of the sports bar near the Northwood campus. It would be a walk to the house, but I welcomed it. The cold air made me pull my head between my shoulders, and my jacket bundled around me.

Patrick’s breath was misty when he spoke. “Do you want to go back to that bar across the street?”

My frown furrowed my brow. “We just left a bar.”

Patrick chuckled as if I’d said a joke. “Ian could be there.”

I clenched my teeth and looked ahead. I’d accepted a lot of truths about this relationship in the last few days, but I couldn’t see why he would have to rub it in.

“What?” Patrick asked, his tone half-amused. Mocking? I hated to think so, but the thought welled to the forefront of my mind.

“I don’t want Ian,” I said coldly.

“Jeez, alright,” Patrick said, snort-chuckling to soften the edges of the tension that crystallized between us. “Can you blame me for wanting to help a friend out?”

I looked at him, shoulder to shoulder with me, and wondered if he picked these things to say on purpose.

We turned the corner and walked down the street, where our bed-and-breakfast was.

The bar across the street was lively and radiating warmth, but it didn’t cross my mind to go in. “Is that what you’re doing?” I asked.

Patrick’s dark eyebrows trembled into a small frown. “What else?”

I swallowed the words that came up first. Maybe you’re deflecting from the fact that you’re attracted to me.

Maybe you’re pretending like you don’t know I’m attracted to you.

Maybe you think you’re giving me a clear, painless rejection, but you should know that it hurts just the same. I said none of that. “You tell me.”

Patrick shook his head. “Are you…analyzing me?”

I rolled my eyes and trudged on toward the house. Patrick produced his keys first as he entered the small front yard and walked up to the front door.

“I was gonna be your wingman, that’s all,” Patrick said. “I figured it would make you happy. Hell, I can sleep on the sofa if you wanna do it on the home turf.”

My cheeks burst aflame. “I’m not that desperate to reel in any guy who looks at me,” I said.

Before unlocking the door, he turned to me and lifted his hands in defense. “I never said you were. Christ, Shane, I thought you said you wanted to get it over with.”

“I changed my mind,” I said.

“Fine. Fine.” He looked at me, still not opening the front door, and his gaze wandered over my face as if he were searching for something. “I’m sorry I brought it up. I misunderstood. It’s totally cool if you want your first time to be special.”

I swallowed again, but this time, there were no impulsive words I needed to hold back. “I do want it to be special,” I said. “And I want to be done with it, too.”

“Well, you’ll meet someone you like soon, I bet,” Patrick said, his gaze dropping to my lips. He couldn’t look into my eyes when he said that.

I nodded. “I just hope he doesn’t get my hopes up, then step back all the damn time.”

Patrick’s face hardened as he lifted his surprised gaze to my eyes. “What?”

“You know, tease and let go,” I said, unable to keep the accusation out of my voice.

“I don’t…” His frown deepened, and his gaze cooled.

He cocked his head to one side as his cheeks heated up.

He took a small step back, inching toward the door, but I stared at him evenly.

Finally, he licked his lips and found a deep voice that carried all his warmth and quiet fury. “Don’t play games with me, Shane.”

“Or what?” What did I have to lose? My project. Let the project go to hell. I was sick of it anyway. I would find a way to explain its sudden end somehow. I just wasn’t cut out to be a researcher. I couldn’t be impartial when I fell for the subject of my research.

“I don’t like it,” Patrick said.

“Seriously?” I asked. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. “I don’t like being teased if it isn’t going anywhere.”

“You think I did that?” Patrick asked. “I’m…I…”

“Your pulse goes crazy when you’re around me,” I said.

The realization that this was a terrible mistake came to me a moment after the words were out, but my course was charted for me.

I clenched my fists and went on. “When we’re in the locker room, when you take your clothes off, when I do it, it looks like a panic attack. Don’t deny it.”

Patrick’s face was awash with horror. “You can see that?” He lifted his hand a little, the smartwatch strapped to his wrist, a little traitor.

I took a step back by instinct. Every code of conduct, every rule of ethics, every shred of basic decency went out the window. He knew that I knew. But at what cost? He knew what a cheat I was, too. Guilt rippled over me, and I stepped toward him. “Patrick, I’m…” Sorry .

I never got to say the last word. Patrick’s hand shot between us, and the world spun sideways. He clutched my jacket as we stepped around one another, and the door slammed into my back.

A huff of surprise and impact left my lungs, but it didn’t go far. My breath, warm and misty, went right into Patrick’s mouth as he slammed his lips against mine.

I didn’t remember to close my eyes.

I didn’t remember to keep breathing.

Pinned against the door, trapped in Patrick’s grip, I parted my lips and felt him.

I felt all of him. His lips dragging over my mouth, his body rubbing against mine, his leg pushing in between my legs to feel my devastatingly hard cock, and his tongue venturing between my lips.

As he exhaled through his nose, mist rose between our heated faces, but I was barely aware of it.

All I knew was that a guy had just kissed me and that it was hotter and infinitely more furious than I had imagined in my wildest fantasies.

My chest trembled and my knees clicked, but he held me against the door, kissing me for what felt like an eternity, except that only a heartbeat or two had passed. And when he pulled his head back and opened his eyes, they weren’t icy at all. “Is this what you want?” he asked.

“If you…”

“No,” Patrick said in a softer voice. “I’m asking what you want.

” He held me in place just the same, even as he stepped back.

His hand remained on my chest, although his gaze alone would have kept me nailed to the door.

“You think I was teasing you just to take it away? Okay. And what were you doing, Shane? ’Cause every time I thought you wanted me, you shut down, but you carried out your little experiment anyway. Talk about teasing.”

“Patrick, I’m sorry,” I said.

“Sure. But you owe me an answer,” he said. “This…do you want it? Or is it just a test?”

“It’s not a test,” I said.

“Say the words,” he said. His voice had gone from quiet anger to an irresistible temptation.

I reached for his jacket, pulling him toward me, groping and struggling to keep my fingers from trembling. “I want it,” I said, desperation far louder than I’d hoped. “It’s all I think about. You’re all I think about, Patrick.”

Patrick took an easy step toward me, but instead of kissing me again, I heard the distinct sound of the key sliding into the lock and turning.

The door opened behind my back, and a spark of mischief lit up Patrick’s face.

“The house is empty,” he said, a combination of excitement and naughtiness painting his voice the most irresistible colors.

His hand dropped from my chest and grabbed my hand, yanking me into the house as he hurried before me. My heartbeat was the only thing I heard as he stumbled and raced up the stairs and into our room.

Patrick flicked on only some of the lights, a pro doing what he did best, but I froze as the door of our bedroom closed. “Er, I…”

“Don’t tell me you’re changing your mind,” Patrick said, his chest heaving as he ripped his jacket off and let it fall on the floor.

“No,” I assured him. “It’s not that. I…I need to…” I looked at the bathroom. “Can you wait a minute?”

I could see the realization light up behind his eyes. It was almost like relief to some degree. “Oh,” he said, and his mouth formed the shape of that sound. He laughed. “Of course. Take your time.”

And I did. I wasn’t risking a freaking accident on my first try, especially not with Patrick. With Patrick , I thought, my heart fluttering like a newborn butterfly on its first flight. I couldn’t believe it. I had stepped through the looking glass and into a realm of the impossible.