Page 61 of Rule 2: Never Join a Christmas Dating Show

“Check the fan art,” Noah says.

“They’re posted in a lot of the comments.”

Dmitri frowns, then laughs. “You are terrible at this dating show. They think you have more chemistry with the host.” He shrugs. “Don’t worry, I understand.”

“You do?” Noah furrows his brow together.

“You have more chemistry with this Sebastian because he is guy.”

“That’s awfully big of you, Dmitri,” Noah says. “I didn’t realize you were so open-minded.”

Dmitri nods. “I have many excellent qualities. Good in tights, right?”

I blink, but for some reason, Noah is nodding.

“Dmitri is a Renaissance man,” Noah explains.

“Luke is used to hanging out with guys. I am guy. Finn is guy. Noah is guy. Troy is guy.” He shrugs. “But women are great too. Pretty. Soft. Smell good too.” He has a far-off expression to his face, as if contemplating all the great qualities about women.

Troy snorts. “At least someone here is straight.”

“And you,” I say.

“Um, yeah.” Troy grabs some weights and stacks them back on the rack. “I should, um, see if I can get a massage.”

“And you too, right?” Finn asks, staring at me strangely.

“What?”

Noah elbows him, and Finn looks ashamed.

Weird.

“What are your tips on dating?” I ask Dmitri.

“Ah. I have so much amazing advice.” He sighs. “Make the woman feel special. Look at them, not host.”

“Not bad advice,” Finn admits.

“Is excellent advice,” Dmitri says sternly. “Is advice from me.”

“Compliment their hair,” Dmitri adds.

“Not terrible,” Noah says.

“I don’t need you picking up tips,” Finn growls.”

“I compliment your hair all the time, Babe,” Noah says. “Nice golden-brown locks. Silky.”

“You can touch it if you like,” Finn says, and Noah purrs.

Dmitri nods sagely. “See? My advice is excellent.”

“Maybe Luke prefers speaking to the host,” Noah says.

“And it’s fine if you do,” Finn says quickly. “Completely fine.”

“That is why your advice is terrible. Don’t listen to these gay men,” Dmitri says, then exits the room.