Page 50 of Royal

“Gray…” Royal tried to slide away from me, but I put both arms on either side of him, barricading him in place. Not to intimidate him, but because I saw the hunger in his gaze.

He wanted me as much as I wanted him. We’d gotten a taste of each other after eight long years, and there was no going back.

“I’m not that immature kid anymore,” I said, hating the vulnerability in my voice. Royal was worth being vulnerable for, though. “I know what it’s like to live without you, and I don’t want to.”

“We’re friends again, aren’t we?” he pointed out, staring at my mouth a fraction too long before meeting my eyes.

“Is friendship really all you want?” I pressed closer to him, chest to chest. His breath was at my neck. “Because I want more than that. And after the way you acted last time I saw you, I know you want more, too.”

I thought he was going to give in. His eyes darkened, and his fingers snatched the loop on my jeans, holding me in place. Then he pulled away.

“I’m not ready for more than that, Grayson. Yeah, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to take you to my bedroom right now and let you fuck me senseless, but…” He swallowed and dropped his gaze. “I’m not sure I can handle you breaking my heart again when things get too serious and you go back to keeping me at arm’s length.”

“And what about you breakingmyheart, Royal?” Anger sizzled in my veins. “I know it’s hard for me to show my emotions, but I still fucking have them. You hurt me.”

“I’m sorry. What happened last time, it won’t happen again. It was a mistake.”

When he touched my arm to move it, I let him, and he left the kitchen. I stared after him, not sure whether I should follow.

This is exactly why I didn’t reach out to him when Jon died.

Me being in his life caused him nothing but grief. And what really sucked was I didn’t know if he was right or not. I’d matured quite a bit, but opening up to people was still a challenge. I kept so much inside, all the sadness and anxiety. Hid so much from every person in my life—Ruby, Aunt Abby, guys at work, and now Royal.

I was a time bomb. The antique clock in the kitchen ticked away, counting down the seconds before I blew up.

Royal was my escape. My safe haven from the storm in my head. But if my sanity came at the price of us treating each other like shit, I’d rather be pulled beneath the waves and drown.