Page 29 of Rowdy Boy

I know it shouldn’t matter… but it does. It really freaking does. I’m not attracted to my best friend, but I never want to give him a reason to doubt me. It doesn’t feel right to watch without informed consent from both of them. It would be lying by omission to sit here and pretend I’m only turned on because of Tori.

Problem is, I’m not interested in having that conversation tonight.

Goddammit.

I huff out a sigh, pissed at the shred of morality in me that decided tonight was the night to make an appearance.

But Rhett and Tori are my closest friends. Tonight, more than ever, it feels like they’re the only people who see me and give a shit about me. I’ve gotta put a stop to this before they take it too far.

“All right, all right. Stop playing. We’re not really doing this,” I dismiss, fixing my gaze on the bubbles breaking at the surface of the water. No one says anything for a breath, then another.

Tori’s voice is breathy when she finally breaks the silence. “Jake… it’s fine. We won’t let it be weird. Tell him it’s fine, Rhett.”

“You’re good, bro,” my best friend confirms. “Tori likes being watched.” There’s a tease in his tone that tells me this isn’t news to him.

I don’t bother lifting my head before I speak again. I don’t want to see their reaction when I say the words out loud.

“It’s not fine. It’s not that simple. There’s… there’s something you should know… about me…”

I feel like a twelve-year-old about to admit to all the guys on my little league team that my balls still haven’t dropped.

I clear my throat once. Then again.

Every ounce of rage that had disappeared over the last few minutes returns and multiplies. I’m pissed off that I even have to say it. I’m ashamed by my own hesitation in sharing this with my friends. My mind goes blank, and my body goes numb when I finally utter the words out loud.

“I’m bi.”

There.

Done.

Except…

I need to make sure they understand. So I continue.

“I’m bisexual. I like girls, obviously, but I like guys, too. Always have. It doesn’t mean I’m attracted to everyone or that I want to bang either of you, I just… feel like you need to know if you’re going to let me…”

The incoherent words keep coming. I don’t even have a train of thought to lose anymore. I’m relieved when Rhett interrupts me.

“Bro. Stop talking. We know.”

My head snaps up so fast I see stars.

“Youwhat?” I demand.

Fuck. I didn’t mean to snap at him. I’m not angry. But I am shocked. And a little confused. The only person I’ve ever come out to was my dad. And I don’t think it counts as coming out if the person you open yourself up to shoves you right back into the closet.

“I mean, we didn’t know for sure, but we suspected.”

I look from Rhett to Tori. They can’t see it, but their expressions are almost identical: Concerned. Empathetic. Kind.

My stomach does a weird flip-flop on itself that leaves me feeling lightheaded.

They… know?

I push for clarification. “So why didn’t you…”

“What? Ask you? Call you out on it?” Rhett scoffs at the suggestions. “Because it doesn’t matter. I mean, it matters. Don’t ever think you don’t matter to us. But you being bi doesn’t change anything about our friendship. I figured if you wanted or needed to talk about it, you would.”