Page 26 of Ropers Can’t Tie Knots (Kissing Ridge Cowboys #3)

sixteen

Hunter

G abe’s shivering has finally stopped, and he’s curled into my side like a contented cat. The fire crackles and pops, and it’s times like right now that I’m happy I kept the old wood-burning fireplace.

There’s nothing like a wood fire to shake the chill from your bones.

Along with Gabe’s shivering, my heart rate is back to normal.

The longer it took for me to hear from him, the more I panicked that I’d lost my chance, and something terrible had happened.

Sudden snowstorms here are fairly normal, and I know he’s a capable driver, but that car of his isn’t suitable for winter on the back roads.

I could kid myself and say that’s all it was, concern over him driving in a snowstorm, but I kicked my own ass and admitted it was because I was afraid I’d lost yet another person I loved.

It’s been decades since the night I lost my parents in a car accident during a snowstorm. The longer it took for him to arrive, the louder the thoughts of ‘not again’ grew.

Just because I’ve accepted I’m in love with this man doesn’t make it easier for me to put all my feelings into words, though.

Too many years of staying quiet and never expressing my feelings is a hard habit to break.

But things are finally turning around for me in my life.

The will has been mostly sorted. I’m not hovering near bankruptcy, and the business Jackson and I have discussed for years is coming to fruition.

I even have a new beginning in rodeo lined up with Levi.

But I’m missing something I never allowed myself to wish for.

What’s missing is someone to laugh with and share stories on the porch swing. A person to talk through crossword clues with. Someone who loves this country life like I do and puts up with my moods, not because they have to, but because they know it’s just how I am.

And hugs.

Since I met Gabe, I wasn’t aware of how much I missed hugs. Sure, I bro hug my friends, and now that I’m back to visiting Margie, I get her mom hugs, too, but nothing can replace that feeling of warmth and love when a person hugs you simply because they want you in their arms and love you.

That’s how Gabe hugs me. Like he never wants to let go.

“You’re awfully quiet.” Gabe murmurs. “What’s on your mind?”

“You, actually.”

Gabe lifts his head from my shoulder and shifts around his blanket cocoon. “Oh?”

Okay. I can do this. I said we’d talk, and I’ve avoided this for too long. He deserves to know how I feel. Reaching over, I run my thumb over the plush lips I love so much.

“I want a divorce,” I whisper .

Gabe’s lip quivers, and he shifts away from me. “You’re the king of mixed signals, Hunter.” He clears his throat. “I refuse. I more than refuse, in fact. Would you like to know why?”

His voice grows louder until he stands and drops the blanket while he paces in front of the fire completely bare-assed except for the soft, green sweater.

“I love you. Okay?” He throws his hands in the air.

“I didn’t think I would, but I do. I love it when you leave me unfinished crosswords, and you hold me when I’m sad.

I love the way you call me counsellor, and I love how you make me feel.

” He pauses and turns towards me, dick bouncing against his thigh as his agitation grows.

“I love the man that you are, Hunter. I refuse to believe you want to walk away from us and forfeit money to an organization that hates people like us for existing. If you want a divorce, at least wait until then, but know that I don’t want to leave. ”

His chest heaves, and a single tear slides down his cheek, breaking my heart. Further proof I’m not good at this kind of thing. I didn’t mean to make him cry.

“I love you, too, Gabe.” Standing, I reach to wipe the tear from his cheek as confusion fills his handsome face.

“What?”

“I probably should have led with that.” Grimacing, I reach for his hand. “I’m not good at…feelings and shit, but I fell for you, Gabe. Harder than I ever thought was possible.”

“Why do you want a divorce, then?”

Puffing out a breath, I lead him back to the couch and pull the blanket over his nakedness. This is hard enough to say without him flashing me. “It’s hard to concentrate when you’re showing me the goods.” Gabe forces a smile, and I need to make this right .

“I went to the lawyer a few weeks ago and did something I’m not proud of.” Gabe stills, and I guess I just need to blurt it out. “I blackmailed the lawyer, I think?”

“What!? Jesus Hunter…”

“No, it’s okay! Mostly. I already have three of the four payments, and it’s a substantial amount of money. I wanted to know if I walked away, how much the Broken Rainbow would actually get. Would the sum be something significant for them, or did I need to wait it out?”

“Any sum is significant,” Gabe spits, and I understand his anger, but I needed to know, and I needed to bend this in our favour.

“I agree, but I had a hunch and did some digging.” Based on a profile I saw on a hook-up app, and a bit of catfishing is what I should say, but I’ll keep that to myself for now.

Is it dishonourable? Of course it is, but my grandfather never played by the rules, and as the frequent target of his outbursts, I felt it was okay to cash in on this just once.

It’s also why I didn’t want to tell Gabe anything when he asked. As a lawyer himself, I didn’t want to put him in an awkward position. “The lawyer is in the closet, Gabe. I might have threatened him a little to bend the rules for me.”

Gabe runs a hand over his face and mutters something about legal ethics that I pretend not to understand.

“Hunter…that’s gross. I mean, the guy is a prick, but I don’t condone outing someone like that.”

It didn’t sit well with my conscience, either. As soon as I hefted the threat at him, I regretted it. But once it was said, I couldn’t take it back .

“I know. It wasn’t my finest moment, and nobody knows. Just him and me and now you. That’s how it will remain. But…I don’t want to be married to you because I was forced to. I want to be married to you because I love you.”

Gabe shakes his head. “I don’t understand.”

“When we said our vows that day in a courthouse, it was because I hated my grandfather and needed money. I didn’t want to do it.

There was no love in that room, Gabe.” Swallowing hard, I push on and hope I might get this last bit right since I’ve caused him enough heartache tonight.

“I don’t want to celebrate that day on a calendar.

It doesn’t stand for what you are to me.

I want to celebrate a day we chose because we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

Because the love I have for you is so big, counsellor, that I’ve struggled to accept it was possible for me to feel this way. ”

Gabe’s gaze softens, and I reach for his hand, dusting a kiss across his knuckles.

“That’s why I want a divorce. So we can do this over and take happy pictures celebrating with our friends.

Do all the things that people do when they celebrate being married.

I want our day to be filled with love. This shouldn’t be a tainted day, and it needs to be ours alone. You deserve that.”

Gabe bites his lip. “You want a divorce so we can re-marry for love?”

His voice is so soft, I have to lean closer to hear him.

“Um, yeah. I guess that’s it in a lot fewer words.”

“Your words mean everything.” Gabe’s hand on my cheek is warm, and I’d walk away from every dollar of my family’s money if it meant I’d get to spend more nights with him like this. “What about the money and the lawyer if we divorce now? Does it still go to that organization? ”

“Oh! Right…I asked him if the wording was open to interpretation, and he agreed it was. He’ll still pay the remaining amount to me after a year based on the initial marriage date.

I know I came at him wrong with the threat to out his little secret, but Gabe, I think he was relieved he had someone to talk to.

We had a very…honest discussion.” The man knew my grandfather would turn on him if he discovered his sexuality, which I completely agreed with.

He felt sick drafting all the conditions Jeremiah told him to, and while I wish he would’ve used his position to do good, I know it’s not always as simple as that.

“I think the guilt of this will and keeping a secret from his family is getting to him. So the Broken Rainbow won’t see a dime, but a different charity will. ”

“You won’t keep it?”

Money has played a huge part in how my life turned out this way. I lost a man I cared deeply for because I put money before him. It took far too many years to move past that decision, and I didn’t want to repeat the past.

“I thought about it, but you’ve taught me some things these past months, and I don’t need it.

But there are people who do. Like the people Margie feeds every week, and the homeless shelter.

The 4-H club could use some help for the kids who can’t travel to shows.

There’s no shortage of people in need in this community, Gabe.

I’ve always known that, but I’ve done nothing about it. ”

Gabe tilts his head as he absorbs all this.

“What did I teach you to draw this conclusion?”

I huff a laugh. “To be cliché, money doesn’t buy happiness.

You came here in your expensive car and fancy suits, and I immediately pegged you as a snobby rich guy.

But then I got to know you and learned you weren’t a trust-fund kid and perhaps lacked the love I always craved as a kid, too. You and me…I think we’re a lot alike.”

Gabe remains quiet for a moment and it’s enough time for me to wonder if I fucked it all up and he’s thinking of ways to tell me to fuck off. Maybe all this sneaking around, gathering information, and making decisions without him might not have been the brilliant idea I thought it was.