Page 18 of Ronan

Ronan

Good girl.

I can’t believe I called her a good girl with my whole chest. There’s no way she didn’t think about how I sounded just like Nightbreed when I said it, but she didn’t call me out yet.

I’ve been pacing ever since, but her location shows me she’s right outside, so if she did happen to notice my voice, I’m about to find out in five seconds.

Knock knock.

Make that two seconds.

I open the door and find her shivering, rushing past me to get inside the warmth. “Fucking balls, it’s cold. Hi.”

“Hi.” Okay, she’s not accusing me of anything so far, but maybe she’s too cold. “Sit on the couch, I’ll grab the blanket. ”

I rush off to pull it out of the dryer, and drape it over her like she’s incapable of taking care of herself. But I can’t help it. I want to take care of her.

A warm smile breaks out across her face as she turns to me. “You’re smart, you know that? My dryer’s working just fine and I didn’t think of this.”

“Probably because you were too cold. I also ordered Mexican and requested they put some of their diablo salsa on the side. That’s one way to heat you up all the way to your core.”

Among other things.

Fuck. Flashes of our time together at her house push their way to the forefront of my mind, and it takes everything to shove them back. I cannot get a boner right now.

She grins even wider. “Thank you. Maybe I can distract myself with third-degree mouth burns and forget about my little masked burglar for a while.”

“What?”

I force out a nervous chuckle, because I know exactly what she means and I can’t show it, but I didn’t burglarize anything but that ass.

“Nothing.” She takes her bag to my room like she owns it and comes back out, plopping down and curling up on the couch. “How soon will dinner be here? I definitely haven’t eaten today.”

Groaning, I shake my head at her lack of self-care and check my app. At least she brought a water bottle with her. “Ten minutes. Why the hell haven’t you eaten?”

“I was a little distracted this morning, then I worked and I was just too cold to care.” She eyes me. “How’s your... social media management shit going?”

Distracted? Are you also sore, little sister?

I squirm slightly in my seat and lean against the armrest of the couch to try and get my head right. What did she just ask me? Oh, right. The job I lied about.

“Going great, actually. It’s all algorithms and boring shit, but it pays. How about your job? Did you call out today?”

She squints. “Are you okay? I literally just told you I worked.”

Fuck me, I need to fucking pay attention. “Oh. Yeah. Guess I’m hungry too.”

As she leans a little further over like she’s still sore, she relaxes. “My job is fine, though. Boring, but fine. What happened with Emma and Orion?”

I cannot think about her being sore. I’ll fuck this whole thing up in a heartbeat, but that right there is exactly the distraction I needed.

It makes me chuckle. “Your friend is insane, you know that, right?”

“You guys keep calling her my friend, but I’m not sure any of you know what the word means. We’re roommates who spill secrets to each other, that’s about it. I don’t think Emma has actual friends. Just people she gets things out of.”

“Orion said the same thing. Just people close enough to do shit for her, and then she tosses them away when she finds a new person to use. So, I guess she blew up his phone all night, and he ignored her, then this morning she said the heater was out and she needs to come stay. He responded to that one with an LOL that had her fuming, then he told her about wanting to work at St. Andrew’s just to piss her off, and offered for you to come get warm, but not her.

She accused him of fucking everyone: you, his cousin Cora, the neighbor across the street — who’s fifty-eight, by the way.

Girl went off the rails on the porch, yelling through the door that she’s the best thing he’ll ever have.

Then she yelled at me for being his friend, but we just ignored her until she said she was going to some dude’s house.

I think he’s finally done, and it’s about fucking time. ”

She looks a little smug as she huffs. “Good. I tried telling her they’re not a good fit, but she’s determined to believe people will love her no matter what. I don’t get it.”

“She’s not very lovable, so that’s just a delusion,” I joke. “They brought out the worst in each other, maybe the next person will bring out the best in them. Who knows?”

Atley squirms a little. “You’d tell me if Orion was Nightbreed, right?”

Stay calm.

Breathe.

In... out... play it cool.

The gut reaction to snap about the thought of him ever touching her is so strong I feel it physically down to my fingertips. I can barely handle the thought of her moaning Night’s name and not mine, but my best friend? No. I’d kill him.

“Of course I would. Why would it ever be him?”

Her brows pinch a little as she stares at her blanket. “I don’t know. There’s something really familiar about Nightbreed, and Emma accused me of fucking Orion. I just... I don’t know. I guess it fit. ”

“Fit? You two? Nah. Haven’t you seen his dick, anyway? Emma said she showed you.”

She nods. “I have. And I’ve seen his tattoos. I don’t know, I’m just racking my brain trying to figure out why Night won’t even tell me his first name and it seemed logical that it might be someone I know already.”

“And how would you feel if it was?”

“If it was Orion, I’d feel pretty gross,” she admits. “I don’t see him like that and I really don’t like cheaters, even if their girlfriends are horrific little hags. But someone else? Anyone else? I don’t know. I guess I’d have mixed feelings about it.”

Mixed feelings. Does that apply to me? Or would I make her feel gross too?

“He’s not a cheater. That’s kinda against everything he is thanks to his childhood trauma, so you’re safe on that front.”

She nods absentmindedly. “I know. Orion’s a good guy, he’s just with the wrong girl. And whoever Nightbreed is, he’s perfect for me but also I want to kill him right now.”

“Kill, huh? Why’s that?”

“Because either his phone’s broken, he’s in jail because a neighbor saw him leave in the middle of the night, or he honestly thinks it’s okay to fuck someone in every hole they have and then go no contact the next day.” She huffs. “I’m starting to think I expect too much from him.”

Goddamnit.

I’ve failed her as a Dom so many times I’m beginning to lose count, and I don’t know how to fix it. The burner phone I use to talk to her was fucking dead and I got distracted once it charged up talking to her as myself.

“Has he given you any reason as to why he’s not ready?”

“Just that he needs to know he can trust me first and that I won’t run away when I find out who he is,” she explains.

“Which I understand that and I’m trying so hard to be patient about it, but I just don’t understand how he’ll ever know that.

I can’t prove to him I’m trustworthy without knowing what it is I need to be trusted about.

Is he a criminal? Should I tell him that as long as he’s not out there killing puppies or raping and murdering people, I don’t mind a rap sheet?

Is he famous? Should I be telling him that I don’t care who he is or how much money he has?

If he’s someone I know, should I start telling him I have a crush on someone I know?

It doesn’t make sense and I just feel helpless about it.

I don’t know what to do to make him see. ”

I could put her out of her misery right now, and I’m the biggest coward for not doing it. The longer I drag this out the worse it will be, and soon it’ll be so bad she’ll cut me and Nightbreed off. “Wait, what do you mean? If he’s someone you know, should you tell him... what?”

She rolls her eyes with a soft smile. “You know what I mean. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do to get him to trust me, that’s all. The only crush I had on someone in my life was... wrong.”

Suddenly, she refuses to meet my gaze, and I have to fucking know who it was. Was it Orion?

“If it was my best friend, I might go punch him on principle.”

“It wasn’t Orion. We’ve been through this.”

We have.

“What would you do to figure out who he is? Would you follow him home if you could?”

“He followed me home, so I think that would be fair,” she laughs. “But he doesn’t really give me a chance. When we left the place with the glory hole, he hid until I left, and last night he left while I was sleeping.”

“It’s probably because he wants to make this last as long as possible.”

Even I hear how defensive my tone is, and I know she does too. I can see it on her face.

I’m saved temporarily by the food showing up and my beautiful little cumslut of a sister inhaling her food, but once we get it cleaned up and sit back on the couch, she acts like this damned conversation never stopped.

“If he wants to make it last, he has to give me something. I feel like a fucking idiot already giving him all of me when I don’t feel like I have any of him.”

She has more than she even knows, but how could she if I’m a closed book? I can’t do this anymore, and neither can she. It’s time to see how much she means what she says.

“Is there anyone that would make you call it off?”

“Like if he tells me who he is?” she asks. “I mean, unless he’s already in a relationship or blood related to me, no. His identity wouldn’t matter to me.”

Am I crazy or did she enunciate blood ?

“So if he’s neither of those things, you’re good? He has nothing to worry about?”

She snorts. “Unless he’s a closet Republican or hates air conditioning, I can’t imagine another reason I’d balk at his identity. It just... doesn’t matter. He’s already proving he’s everything I’ve always wanted so why the fuck would I care who he really is?”

If these are her only lines, I’m completely in the clear.

So what the fuck is really holding me back?

“I don’t know.”

“Me either.” She hesitates again. “Why do you think he won’t tell me? Like if it were you, you’d tell me who you were, right? I mean... tell her who you were. Whatever girl you were fucking.”

I can’t do this anymore. She’s here — right here, talking to me like us fucking isn’t the craziest thing in the world and I’m not strong enough to resist it.

I never really have been.

“You want to know who he is, Atley? Fucking kiss me.”