Page 111 of Rogue of My Heart

“What in blazes is going on out here?” Fergus demanded with a frown.

“Nothing,” Marie told him. She grabbed Christian’s hand and tugged him down the hall. “I need to have a word with Mr. Darrow in private.”

“It’s Lord Kilrea now, and it is highly inappropriate for the two of us to be given any sort of privacy whatsoever,” Christian grumbled, letting Marie lead him down the hall to a drab parlor that was rarely used all the same.

“Do you see my brother trying to stop us?” Marie asked over her shoulder, one eyebrow arched. “Or my sister for that matter?” She immediately answered her own question with. “No. And they won’t. Because they can see as clearly as I can that you, Christian Darrow, need a stern talking to.”

She pulled him all the way into the stuffy parlor then turned to face him, arms crossed. Christian’s mouth fell open, and he gaped at her as though she’d grown another head. “My entire world has fallen apart, and you’re treating me like a disobedient child?”

“Your entire world has fallen apart,” Marie repeated. “That is why I didn’t slap you on the spot and run you out of the house while poking you in your backside with a fire iron.”

She couldn’t maintain her irritation or continue on with sharp words. Not when Christian’s shoulders fell as though he carried the weight of the Matterhorn. He let out a heavy breath and scrubbed a hand across his face. With the initial bout of emotion between them over, she could see how exhausted Christian was. Dark circles still rimmed his eyes. His dark, curly hair was more unruly than usual. His eyes still held little more than pain and regret. It was as though Marie were looking at a badly-drawn image of him instead of the real Christian.

She took a cautious step toward him, resting a hand on his back, then rubbing it. “How is your mother today?” she asked, hoping it was a topic that would defuse his obviously raw emotions.

“The same,” Christian admitted in a small voice. “She has yet to awaken, but she appears to be resting comfortably. She is able to swallow the broth that the nurse feeds her, even though she isn’t conscious of it.”

“That’s something,” Marie said. She shifted to stand facing him fully, risking a slight smile. “Do you want to know why I was smiling and laughing just now?” she asked.

Christian’s brow darkened, which wasn’t at all the reaction Marie was hoping for. “Have you pulled some sort of jolly prank on one of your sisters? Did you find another naked man on the beach, and did you convince the locals he was a merman this time?”

Marie pursed her lips. “You’re an arse when you’re upset,” she said. “But I tell you, to me, that only proves that you’re not as crushed by everything that happened as you say you are.”

“I am devastated,” he croaked. For a moment, Marie thought he would burst into tears, as shocking and unmanly as that would have been.

“Devastated, but not defeated,” she told him, keeping her back straight and her chin up. If Christian didn’t have strength of his own at the moment, she would need to be strong for both of them. “You wouldn’t be snapping about like a Nile crocodile or shouting at me if you didn’t have life left within you.”

He gaped at her. “Of all the cruel things to say when my father and brother have had their lives dashed out of them due to my fecklessness.”

Marie took a deep breath before going on. Christian’s pain and guilt were raw, and she had the feeling it would take a monumental effort to bring him out of both.

“The carriage accident was not your fault,” she said, pulse racing with the information Colleen had discovered late the day before.

“Please, Marie, don’t.” Christian rubbed a hand over his face again. “I need to come to terms with?—”

“The bolts on the carriage’s axle were as tight as could be,” Marie interrupted him.

Christian’s mouth continued to hang open for a minute as he stared at her. “How do you know?”

“Lord Boleran told Colleen as much yesterday,” Marie said, breaking into a smile. “That’s why I was smiling and laughing. Colleen hates the man, but she called on him to ask about his impressions of the wreck. We both saw that he was the first one on the scene, and he took charge of disposing of the wreckage afterwards. He told Colleen that there was nothing at all wrong with the bolts.”

“Why did that cause you to laugh?” he asked.

“I wasn’t laughing at the accident, I was laughing at the way Colleen was making a complete ninny of herself by grousing about Lord Boleran.”

For a moment, Christian continued to stare at her. Hope lit his expression. He shook it away far too soon, turning from Marie. “He must not have looked carefully enough. What else could cause a wreck so destructive? He must have looked at the axle wrong.”

“Would you rather believe that? Do you want yourself to be at fault somehow?” Marie crossed her arms again. “Or will you see the truth of things and accept that accidents happen?”

“I should have been a better son,” Christian whipped back toward her. “I should have obeyed my father without question and without hesitation.”

“By marrying a woman you don’t love and living the rest of your life in misery?” Marie challenged him.

“You don’t understand.” He turned away again. “Sons have a duty toward their fathers.”

“Yes, and now your duty is to manage his estate to the best of your ability and to live a life full of joy, since he and your brother cannot live that life anymore.”

“I can’t just be happy,” he started, turning back to her. His mouth worked to finish the thought, but no further words came out. “I can’t just be happy,” he repeated, making the words a single thought.