Page 89 of Rival

A distorted exhale of air crackles in my ear before she speaks again.

“I wouldn’t say everything is okay. I’ve got your friend over here and she’s not in a great state. Josiah and I can’t get her to talk other than her muttering about needing to leave. You and Edith have become good friends since—”

Everything in me turns cold until I can no longer listen to another word.

“I’m fucking damned no matter what, aren’t I? There’s no escaping that entire fucking family.” Her gasp at my foullanguage doesn’t cause me even an ounce of guilt. “I’m gonna go ahead and tell you, if that girl wants to leave, then I say good riddance. I don’t want to hear another word about herorher problems.”

“But Jaxon! You’re her—”

“If you want to discuss the build or any other gossip around town, ask about my family, or even the weather, I’ll be happy to have that conversation. But another word aboutherand I’m hanging up.”

“I don’t understand, Jaxon. She’s hur—”

Refusing to hear another word, I hang up my phone. Ruth is more than welcome to discuss all of those options I laid out, but right now, Edith isn’t my problem. Shemaybe in about nine months, but that’s far enough away that I can push it aside for now.

My phone starts ringing again, and seeing Ruth’s number, I send the call to voicemail. Over and over again, she continues to call, then I get an extra notification indicating she’s left a message. I’ll delete it tomorrow.

The more the calls ring through, the less good running my body into the ground is doing. Yelling into the space, I throw the rake I had just picked up until is slams against the opposite wall.

“Jaxon, honey.” Mom’s voice jerks me into the present and I spin to face her.

She’s uneasily watching me, worry and a bit of fear etched in her down-turned lips.

“I can’t talk about it right now,” I croak out. “Tomorrow.”

Nodding once, she whispers, “Tomorrow. You leavin’ or staying for dinner?”

“I have to go.” Walking to her, I press a fast kiss to her cheek, then squeeze her shoulder as I leave.

Alcohol. That’s what I need right now.

I’ll sleep in my fucking truck bed if I have to. Give my keys to the bartender so I don’t risk driving, but I’m going to get myself piss drunk and forget everything relating to the nameHughes.

The calls from Ruth end shortly after I leave, but they pick up again just after the bartender drops my second whiskey in front of me.

With a growl, I slam my phone on the table and thumb through the notifications to silence just her number for the time being. Then, because I’m already feeling warm from the liquor, I go to Edith’s number and block it. My finger hovers over the option to delete her contact, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.

There’s still a chance the kid is mine, so at some point I’ll need to unblock her and wait for word that she’s given birth and I’m due at the clinic for a paternity test.

A girlfriend from years ago had a pregnancy scare, and I thought my life was going to change, but it ended up being a false alarm.

Sure, I’ve always considered starting a family, but not like this. Not with so much baggage surrounding it and feeling as if I’ll never be able to look at the mother again.

Briefly, I wonder who the other two men are that she slept with and how they took the news.If she even told them yet. Of course she’d come to me first.

With a sigh, I deflate.

Of course she’d come to me first.

Before anything, I was her friend. I feel an uncomfortable sickness which hardens me as I realize she’s been open and honest since day one about everything thatdidn’tmatter.

Waving down the bartender, I throw my glass back and let the burn to my gut distract me from softening my thoughts toward her. Tonight,I want to be enraged and wallow.I’m allowed to fucking grieve, goddamnit!

A few more people enter the bar over the next few hours, and I’ve slowed down my drinks now as the cloud of a heavy buzz settles over me. I’m not paying attention to anyone or anything, including my thoughts, and for the first time today, I feel the rage trickling away.

This time, when a tiny thought flows in, I don’t push it away.

Did I love her?Was I wrong to react the way I did?