Page 18 of Rhett (The Swift Brothers #3)

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Rhett

T he past two weeks have been like nothing I’ve ever experienced, and…I’m afraid to feel too much about it.

I love the workdays with Tripp. I wish we could go every day, but then Talia reminded me that I don’t want to become a workaholic again, even if I do enjoy this career more than my last one.

On top of that, I’ve gone to Tripp and Meadow’s a few other times too, for dinner or to hang out. We haven’t made the baked ziti yet. I think Tripp is waiting for me to offer, which is something I appreciate more than I can say.

But Tripp has cooked for me. One night we all watched a movie together in their living room, and another time Meadow had me model a shirt she made for her dad as a surprise. Since we’re similar sizes, she figured that would work, but I think she just wanted to give me a hard time and make me model for her.

Each time I go to their place, Tripp and I go out to the shop together, under the guise of working, and I lose myself in the sensation of him edging me with his hand until he finally lets me come.

I don’t know why I like it so much, but I do. There’s the pleasure part, of course, but it’s also just… I like Tripp making it last. Like him being in control of my orgasm and knowing that ultimately, it’s still me who is the driving force, the one making the decisions. It’s confusing, but not something I feel comfortable talking to Talia about.

Every time we finish, Tripp holds me for a while—holds me and talks to me. He makes me laugh too, and we grumble about having to clean up before we slip into the shop bathroom to wash up, then head into the house, acting like nothing happened.

A few times Tripp came over to my place when we didn’t have work and Meadow was at school, and we’d work on the remodel of my spare room.

Today, the house feels empty and quiet. Tripp is meeting with a homeowner about a possible upcoming job. Then he’s taking Meadow to therapy before the two of them are having dinner with Tripp’s folks, brother, and the rest of his family.

It’s not as if I haven’t sat in this house a million times by myself over the years. It’s not as if I haven’t been home alone too many times to count since Tripp and I started spending time together. So the fact that it feels so…loud in its emptiness today is a sign that I’m getting much too used to spending time with Tripp and Meadow.

They’re not my family.

There’s no way this situation with Tripp will last.

More often than not, I’m miserable to be around. People have shown me that most of my life. I was shit to Morgan, and shit to East, and I always chose Dad over Mom.

“Shit,” I curse, trying to think of a way to reframe the negative self-talk like Talia taught me, which then makes me consider the fact that even when it comes to therapy, I try to be perfect. That can’t be a good thing.

Before I can think on it too much, there’s a knock at the door.

I frown, not sure who would be here because the weather is shit and Tripp is busy.

My lips turn up into a ridiculous smile at the thought that I have a Tripp, someone I might be expecting. Someone who comes over to see me.

I open the door to see Morgan and East standing on my porch, East with a scowl.

“What did I do?” I ask, and my brother’s lips turn upward. “Why are you smiling at me?”

“At your question,” East answers at the same time Morgan says, “East does that more often now, remember? That’s what happens when you’re in love .” He sings the last word the way someone does when they’re teasing, the way brothers probably often do with each other, which is something else that was robbed from us—joking, playfulness. Morgan and East are trying to get it back, or at least, Morgan is trying to bring it back to all three of us. He’d been playful with me too the one time we all went to dinner at East’s before he went into his program. “Are you going to invite us in?” Morgan asks.

“Don’t blame me. This is his fault.” East points to Morgan.

“It’s no one’s fault,” Morgan jokingly scolds. “This is a good thing.”

“But Rhett always gets grumpy when I show up out of the blue, so now I’m blaming you.” The two of them banter in this totally new way that makes me both jealous and maybe the happiest older brother in the world.

This is…what it’s supposed to be like. This is how we should have always been.

This is what I don’t know if I’ll be good at.

But I want it for them.

I want it for us.

“Come in before you let all the warm air out.” There’s a slight snippiness to my voice I wish I didn’t have. I don’t understand why it’s so hard when it comes to me and my brothers.

I step out of the way. Morgan comes in first, then East, and I can’t help remembering the last time each of them was here, separately. Have they ever been in my house together? The sad truth is, I don’t think they have.

They shake off snow, which makes me grumble as I get a towel to clean up the mess. Morgan and East hang up their gear, and then we all sort of stand there like we don’t know what to do. We’ve been in the same space more lately, but it’s always with someone else there—Dusty, Archer, Archer’s family. Never just us.

“Do you want something to drink?” I ask, straightening up a candle on one of my tables.

“Whiskey?” East asks.

Morgan nudges him. “We don’t need to get drunk to have a conversation.”

“I was kidding. I don’t even remember the last time I was drunk. You’ve all sucked the life out of me,” East replies.

“That’s not true, brother, and you know it. You’re happier than you’ve ever been.” Morgan wraps an arm around East’s shoulders and pulls him close. It’s hard for me not to just stand there and watch them, to see their dynamic and how much it’s changing. They’ve grown closer, while I’ve been figuring myself out. There was a time that would make me feel more alone, but I’m not sure that it does anymore.

“Coffee?”

“Sounds great. Thanks, Rhett.” It shocks me that the words come from Morgan. Even though East’s the grumpier of the two, my relationship with Morgan is more complicated. But then, he did come over that day…only we haven’t talked since. Should I have been the one to reach out the second time? I never thought of that. Maybe he didn’t want to push. Maybe he was waiting for me before he realized I was just going to fail him again.

“I’ll get it started.”

I grind beans, then get them going in the pot. When I turn toward the dining room, they’re both sitting at the table. My table.

“I’d like to order more stools for the bar if you have time. I know you’re busy working with Cass and—”

“I have time,” I cut Morgan off. I’ll find time. I owe him that.

“Okay. That’d be great. Six more? And let me know how much I owe you.”

I wave off his offer. “You don’t have to pay me.”

“It’s your business. It’s what you do. You should be paid for your work, and you have supplies to buy and—”

“I want to do it.” Again, my voice comes out with more edge than I mean it to. “I’m sorry.” I shake my head.

“Wow…and everyone thought I was the surly one,” East says, and my gaze snaps to him. He has a small smile on his face, and then Morgan starts laughing, which makes East chuckle, and before I realize what’s happening, I’m doing the same. Laughing with my brothers at Easton teasing me and calling me on my shit.

It’s…incredible.

“I think we all knew Rhett was grouchy too,” Morgan says when we stop laughing.

“I’m the oldest. That’s my job.” I take out three mugs and pour the coffee. I carry two over and set one in front of each of them, before going to the fridge for creamer.

There were a lot of things that were my responsibility that I didn’t do, things I want to make up to them now.

“You shouldn’t have had to always be serious, if that’s what you mean. You should have been able to be a kid,” Morgan tells me when I bring over the cream, sugar, and spoons.

“We all should have been able to,” East adds, softer, sadder than Morgan.

I get my own drink and join my brothers. “But that wasn’t the hand we were dealt.”

“No, it wasn’t. But we’re trying to make a difference now. That’s part of why East and I are here. We’ve, um, had a session together with his therapist.”

“She wants to know if all three of us could come in. Together.” East clears his throat. “You don’t have to, but I’d like you to. I think it’s important, not only for my healing, but for all of us.”

I’m at a loss for words.

They’re going to therapy, but they don’t know I am.

They’re trying to work together, for the three of us to build the relationship that was stolen from us. And they want me to be involved. They could move on by themselves, but they’re not. They’re here.

“Yes. I’ll go.” I pick up the creamer and pour a bit into my cup. “I’ve been going. To see a therapist. On my own.”

“That’s good…real good,” Morgan says in unison with East’s, “Isn’t it torture?”

“East!” Morgan admonishes.

“What? It’s true. It helps, and I’m glad I’m doing it, but it’s not easy.” East crosses his arms, pouting, as I figure would be typical of a younger sibling.

I offer a small chuckle in return. “It’s not easy, but it does help,” I confirm.

“Wow. Look at us. Moving forward and everything.” Morgan begins to doctor his coffee. “Does Dad still try to call or text you?”

“About once a week. I don’t answer.” I take a drink.

“Well, we all know he doesn’t call me,” Easton adds.

We’re quiet for a moment, all three of us probably trying to figure out what to say, until East lands on, “How’s work with Cass going?”

I grin. “I love it.”

“Jesus. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you smile that big,” Morgan says.

I haven’t had many reasons to, and he knows that. “It doesn’t make much sense, but it’s right for me.”

East plays with a thread on his shirt. “It does make sense. You’re living your own life for the first time and figuring out who you are. There are no rules as to whom we can be now.”

I like that. “You never followed the rules anyway,” I say, testing out the joke.

“Nope. And sometimes that was fun. But you followed all of them.”

I nod.

“Meadow is staying with me and Archer this weekend,” East says, changing the subject. “I’m nervous.”

Morgan ruffles his hair. “You’ll do great. That kid adores you.”

“Archer makes me more likable.”

“You were always likable. Maybe the most out of all of us,” I tell my baby brother.

We talk about other things then—East’s work at Dusty’s shop, and Morgan asks me again to come to the bar. I will. I want to, it’s just a million things are changing at once, and it’s hard to deal with it all.

They stay about an hour, and we drink coffee and pretend to be normal brothers. The therapy session I agreed to join is about a month away, so I have some time to prepare—I definitely want to discuss it with Talia.

Things are slightly awkward when they leave, again like none of us know how to act. Do adult brothers typically hug their siblings goodbye? Is that something people do? We don’t, but that’s okay because this is us and our journey.

As soon as they go, I pull out my phone, head to my Notes app, and add a message about my brothers and the day we had. All the good things listed are about them, the job, or Tripp and Meadow.

Tripp. I bet he’d like to hear what we did today, and I want to share it with him. He’s busy with his family, though, and I worry about bothering him, so I head out to my shop and start Morgan’s barstools.

It’s close to nine when I’m lying in bed, lights out, and my phone glows with a text.

Tripp: You awake?

Me: Yes.

And then my phone rings. Jesus. He’s calling? I didn’t expect that.

“Hello?”

“Hey. Sorry to call. Just figured it’s easier than texting.”

I shift in my bed. “No problem.”

“How was your day?” Tripp asks.

“Good. Great, actually. Morgan and East came over. I know that probably doesn’t sound like a big deal, but there’s a lot of trauma and conflict between us.”

“Yeah, I can tell. Want to talk about it?”

And the thing is, I do. In ways I never imagined. It’s so strange, these new, perplexing feelings.

“Soon. Not tonight on the phone.”

“Okay. I’m here for you whenever. Which brings me to my question… Meadow’s staying with Archer this weekend. I wondered if you wanted to stay here, with me. Or I can come to your place if you’d rather.”

“No,” I push out gruffly. Shit. “What I mean is, I do want to stay with you, just not here.” Christ, am I really doing this? A whole lot more might happen if we’re in an empty house together all night. I haven’t done much of this, hooking up with people, and definitely not ones I like as much as Tripp. “I’d like to stay with you, if you’re still offering.”

“I am. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me too. I’ll, um…bring the stuff to make baked ziti.”

“All right. Is it just me, or do you feel like a nervous teenager all of a sudden?”

A laugh falls from my lips. “Thank God it’s not just me.”

“It’s not. You got me feeling all kinds of things, Rhett. I don’t know what it means or where it’ll go, but you got me hooked.”

My pulse beats wildly, my thoughts somehow both muddled and clear.

Tripp has me hooked too.

“Tell me about your day,” I say instead, and then relax into the pillows, listening to his deep, kind voice.