Page 21

Chapter Twenty-One

M eeting his intense gaze, I say, “Finn thinks you’ll go ballistic about what happened. That it’ll unite you two.”

“Unite us?” Lorcan scoffs. “He killed our father. Nothing is going to unite us.”

“You don’t know that yet.”

“I know it. I can’t prove it.” He points his finger at me, any hint of seduction gone. “That’s your job.”

“He says he didn’t do it.”

“Of course, he’s going to tell you that.” His focus bores into me. “I understand you’re in a tough spot. Hold back or tell Finn whatever you want. With me, you give me all of it—whether you think it matters or not.”

I purse my lips and stare him down. “Fine.”

“It’s not fine. You can’t be keeping this shit from me.”

“What are you going to do about the Zhangs?”

“What I have to do. My brother thinks he’ll get a reaction, so that’s what’ll happen. I do nothing, and he’ll know something is off.” He looks me up and down. “I protect my own. Always.”

My heart clenches at the emotion in his eyes when he stares at me. Valued. He values me.

“Did you see who shot at you?”

“Not very clearly. Both men, I think. I shot one in the arm, one in the leg. Antonio finished them off.”

His hand wraps behind my head, cupping my neck. “You did good.”

“I’m still alive.”

Lorcan gathers me into his chest. “I woulda gone ballistic if anything had happened to you.” His other arm, holding his drink, cradles my back.

I wrap my arms around him and, for a moment, let myself breathe him in. The mix of cologne, whiskey, and the familiarity of his own personal smell comforts me. “If you knew, why didn’t you say something?”

“I wanted to see if you’d tell me. It’s about trust. It’s gotta run both ways, or this won’t work.”

In the end, it’s not going to matter. Even if we get to that place, at some point, I’ll be betraying him. That part is inevitable.

“Tomorrow morning when you and Carys go shopping, you take Sean, Antonio, and Ian.”

“I don’t need three bodyguards. You hired me as a bodyguard. I can take care of myself.”

“It’s nonnegotiable, Kim. I’m not playing around.”

Reluctantly, I pull back from Lorcan. “We’ll chat in the morning before I leave.”

“I’m not going to change my mind.”

“Maybe I’ll change mine.”

He chuckles. “About fighting me on it?”

With a tiny shrug and a playful grin, I let lightness take over. “I can be reasonable sometimes.”

“Looking forward to seeing that side of you.” He opens the door.

As I wander down the hall, the heat from Lorcan sears me. I’m not sure if he’s still at the door watching me, but it feels like it. When I get to my rooms, I peek over my shoulder. He isn’t there. Great, now I’m imagining things. Shaking my head, I see the spare bedroom door propped open, waiting for Carys. Either she’s still talking to Finn or their talking morphed into something else.

After I punch in the code to my room, I strip and collapse onto my bed, glad I’m not leaving with Carys until ten in the morning. I’m about to drift to sleep when I remember I haven’t checked my phone in hours. In the bathroom where I left it charging, a couple of messages are visible. At first, there’s nothing important. Then, I see it.

Sauce on the side.

It looks like a text from a wrong number about a food order. But reading it causes a thin sheen of sweat to prick at the back of my neck.

Sauce on the side is an SOS. I need to see my mother as soon as possible. I may not like Dai Qing, my new handler, but that message isn’t one she’d fake.

Tomorrow, I have to figure out how to ditch three bodyguards and Carys long enough to go check on my mother. Seems simple enough.

I awake with a start, drenched in sweat. When I look down at my hands, there’s blood, and I close them again. Popping them open, the blood is gone. With a huff, I throw back the covers and sit on the edge of the bed, rubbing my face. It’s still dark outside.

A few minutes later, I’ve showered, dressed, and I’m outside Lorcan’s office door, full of indecision. There’s a light under the frame, leaking into the hall. It’s possible he forgot to switch it off, or he didn’t go to sleep. The spare room is empty. Maybe no one is sleeping tonight.

Unlike normal, the blood on my hands when I woke up wasn’t my brother’s. I dreamed of my mother, drowning in a pool of blood, choking on it, sinking into it. Whatever is going on with her, I need to see her.

My house of cards might tumble down around me.

With my shoulders square, I knock on the office door. It clicks unlocked less than a second later. Across the room, Lorcan is sitting behind his desk, nursing another drink.

“Have you slept?” I shove my hands into the pockets of my coat.

“Not a wink.” He studies me, assessing. “And you?”

I shrug. “I wanted to let you know I’m heading out for a bit.”

He laughs. “Just like that, yeah? Just heading out.” He swishes the alcohol in his glass and moves around to perch on the edge of his desk. “No.”

Swallowing down the immediate indignation, I look away from him. “Last I knew, I was an employee, not a prisoner.”

He slants his head toward the clock on the wall. “Where could you possibly need to go at five in the morning?”

“Female issues. Gotta do a little bit of shopping.”

“Female issues.” He pronounces the words as though they’re preposterous. “Carys is here. We have other female staff. You can get what you need without leaving.”

“I need to go out. Quick trip to CVS.”

“Then I’ll come with you.”

My jaw tightens. “This lack of trust is getting old. Carys asked me to come back, work for her. Maybe I’ll do that.”

“You’re not going to CVS at five in the morning. You haven’t slept. I haven’t slept. I know what’s eating me. What’s got you in knots?” He shoves off the edge of the desk, draining his drink in the process, and wanders closer.

“My mother.”

Lorcan’s eyebrows spring up. “Your mother? Doesn’t she live in another state somewhere? Social worker or something?”

I almost laugh. So he checked my backstory. Thank the Lord it held up both times. “Used to be. She’s moved into this area in the last few years. It’s one of the reasons I agreed to take this job. She’s sick.”

He’s impeaching on my personal space, but I don’t mind. His hazel eyes are filled with sympathy. “Serious?”

“She’ll never recover.”

“Wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

The tenderness in him almost undoes me. “She needs me. I have to go.”

“Let me come.”

“She doesn’t make a lot of sense anymore. Rambles. Says things that aren’t true. Half the time she doesn’t even recognize me.”

His fingers graze my cheek. “You don’t have to be an island.”

I lean into his touch. Saying yes is dangerous, insane. And yet… “You can’t come into the room.”

“That’s a fair compromise.” One side of his lips quirks up in that familiar way.

With my thumb, I brush the dimple peeking out of his scruff. “Lorcan,” I murmur.

His lips brush my temple, and I close my eyes. He gathers me into his chest and sighs. The stench of whiskey is overwhelming.

“You sober enough to drive?” he asks. “Lord knows I’m not.”

My heart beats a strange rhythm in my chest. The risk I’m taking right now is astronomical. I must still be drunk. “Yes.” I step back. “I want to go before Finn and Carys get up.”

Lorcan goes to the lockbox on the wall and takes out a set of keys. He grabs his wallet off the desk and shoves it into his front pocket. “She stay with him last night?”

“Think so.” I shrug. “She’s not in her room.”

He nods. “Gonna make your job tougher with him.”

“I think seducing him is off the table.” Lorcan’s scent still surrounds me. The idea of being with anyone else is the last thing on my mind right now. I want to forget about my job, my mother, everything, and lose myself in Lorcan.

“Perhaps Carys can be of some use.” He places his hand on the small of my back, guiding me out of his office and down the hall.

Dragging her deeper into this isn’t an option for me. “I’ll figure something out.”

“Resourceful as always.” Lorcan looks at me, a half smile playing at the edges of his lips.

After we slip into the car, I put the key in the ignition. I half expect the car to explode, disintegrate, taking us along with it. I bite my lip and squirm in my seat. He’s staring at his phone, absorbed in something else.

“What was eating you?” I start the car.

He examines me for a beat and then goes back to his phone. “You, Finn, my father, my mother… Once you fall down that hole, there’s not much chance of coming back out.”

I frown and put the car in gear. “What’s that mean?”

He tucks his phone into his pocket and runs his hands along the thighs of his jeans. “I get enough booze in me, and I wish I could go back to when I was fourteen. Save the world.” He gives me a wry glance. “You got a time machine tucked into your back pocket there?”

“Why fourteen?”

Lorcan crosses his arms. “So many reasons, Kim. So many. Can’t go back, though. Gotta keep looking forward.” Tiredness is written on his face. “Bit tough when you don’t even know what that’s going to look like.”

“I’m trying.” I squeeze his hand. “Finn’s giving me a list of contacts to feel them out.”

Lorcan frowns. “Let me double-check it when you get it.” His fingers toy with mine as though he doesn’t realize he’s doing it.

My stomach flutters at the way his fingers skim along mine. I need to meet Malik in a dark alley. These pent-up urges will undo me.

We drive in silence for a while before I remember something else that’s been bothering me. “What’s the tune Finn whistles sometimes?”

Lorcan’s focus turns to me. “He’s been feeling quite pleased with himself, has he?”

“A few times.”

“It’s an old Irish ditty our father used to sing when he had too much to drink.”

“Hmm…”

Lorcan raises his eyebrows. “Why’s that?”

“I don’t know. Something about it seemed familiar. I don’t know why.”

“It’s not a popular tune.” He releases my hand he’s been playing with. He chuckles, but it holds no humor as he glances out the window. “Fellas at The Cage used to mock him with it.”

I cock my head to the side and give him an encouraging look. Any mention of The Cage piques my interest.

“He didn’t play any music when he entered. He whistled himself into the ring.”

“Brave.”

“Oh, Finn’s all kinds of brave.” One of Lorcan’s hands skates through the back of his hair. The words are flattering, but his tone is not. “You lived round here for a while, yeah? It’s possible you heard it on the street. He was a big deal in the underground circuit. You know any fighters as a kid?”

I shake my head while my insides flip, threatening to flop out my mouth. “No.”

The word doesn’t come out as clear as it should. Would my brother have mocked Finn? Sometimes I hung around him and his friends. Did they whistle that tune? Laugh about it? It wouldn’t have meant anything then.

I drive into the parking lot of the care facility and find a space close to the door. “We’re here.”