Page 59 of Restored

After a few minutes, the parlour door opened and Henry stepped inside. His neckcloth looked rather limp, but otherwise he was back to being the elegant, soberly dressed duke. The devastated expression that had shredded Kit’s heart was gone, thank God, though Kit could not quite decipher the one that had replaced it. There was something about it that was diffident and determined and uncertain all at once.

When Henry made no move to sit, Kit rose from his chair, uncomfortable to be the only one seated. Immediately, though, he felt the disadvantage of being naked under his dressing gown while Henry was fully dressed.

He was dithering over whether to ask Henry to sit, when Henry said, “I feel that our conversation just now went rather awry.”

“Awry?”

Henry cleared his throat. “I was trying to tell you something, but then we began to talk of other things—important things, but still…” He trailed off, frowning.

Kit’s heart began to pound in a way it hadn’t in a very long time. “What were you trying to tell me?”

Henry rubbed a hand over his face. “I was… trying to apologise.”

This again.

Stiffly, Kit said, “Henry, I accept it was your servant who cheated me, not you. You don’t need to apologise again.”

Even as he said the words—even as he believed the truth of them—they rang hollow in his own ears, and he wasn't even sure why that should be.

Henry said, “I wasn’t apologising for that—although I do feel utterly wretched about it.” He swallowed visibly, then added, “I was talking about my cowardice in sending Parkinson with a letter instead of going to see you myself.”

Kit stared at him, his heart twisting painfully.

“There was barely any time to do anything before we left for Wiltshire,” Henry continued, his gaze anguished, “but I should havemadetime. You weren’t so very far away from Curzon Street, and if I’m honest”—he broke off, taking a deep breath before he continued—“perhaps I used our hasty departure as an excuse to avoid doing the right thing. The difficult thing.” He shook his head.

“Onlyperhaps?” Kit asked, and he was shocked by how clipped and angry his own voice sounded. He had no right to feel so aggrieved by this—he’d just been Henry’s whore for God’s sake.

But he did feel aggrieved, he realised. He felt aggrieved and hurt and angry.

“I don’t honestly know,” Henry said, and he sounded frustrated. “It was so long ago, I can’t remember how I reasoned it out to myself. I don’t think Ideliberatelyavoided you, but perhaps I allowed the events of that day to sweep me along in that direction because seeing you—telling you I had to end our contract early—would have been so painful.”

Kit’s heart ached. Henry would have found that painful? He wanted to demand to know why, but instead he just stood there, with his heart in his mouth, watching Henry.

“I can’t stop thinking that if I’d just taken the time—an hour—to go and see you myself, Parkinson would never have been able to do what he did.” Henry shook his head. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, and he sounded utterly lost. “I wouldn’t blame you if you never forgave me for that. I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself.”

Kit didn’t know what to say. Would Henry even believe him if he said he forgave him now?

And would it be true?

He realised that he didn’t know the answer to that question. Today had already been far too eventful and Kit needed to let everything just… settle.

“It’s been a strange day, for both of us,” he said tiredly. “Full of revelations that I’ve scarcely taken in yet.”

Henry nodded.

“Go home, Henry,” Kit said gently. He paused, weighing his next words carefully before he uttered them. “We can talk again, if you like. I’m here most evenings.”

Henry said tentatively, “Could I return tomorrow evening?”

Kit was taken aback by that—both the request and his own desire to agree to it.

Slowly, he shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I need to reflect on all of this—and so do you.” He paused. “Give it a week.”

“Next Friday then?” Henry pressed, his gaze hopeful.

Kit’s heart was racing now. He suspected this was not a wise course of action. That even a week from now was too soon.

But he did not voice any of those concerns.