Page 54 of Restored

But he hadn’t. Not fully. He was deaf in one ear.

“God, you must hate me,” Henry said thickly. “It was my fault. If I had taken more care—”

Christopher’s gaze was impossible to read. There was a hint of the anger from earlier there now, but other things too. Resentment in the thrust of his jaw and, when his green gaze flicked to Henry, a kind of impatient pity.

“Like I said,” he said tightly, “it was over a long time ago. I’m not—” He broke off, frowning to himself.

“What?”

Christopher sighed. “I don’t know what I was thinking this afternoon, asking you to come here.”

Henry’s heart sank. Suddenly the thought of being ordered to his knees in front of everyone didn’t seem like the worst thing that might happen tonight.

“I thought,” he said carefully, slowly, “that you wanted me to make amends to you.”

“What I suggested wouldn’t be you making amends,” Christopher said wearily. “It would be punishment, pure and simple.”

Henry stared at him—he didn’t know what to say. Relief and disappointment warred in him. He could see that Christopher was working up to letting him off the hook.

“Perhaps,” he said slowly, “I want to take my punishment. Perhaps I need to.”

Christopher met his gaze. He looked like he was thinking.

After a while, Christopher said, “You don’t have the slightest idea what it would be like, you know. You probably think, because you’ve been to brothels and bought whores and performed acts in front of other people that you wanted to perform, that you know what this will feel like. But you don’t.”

“Don’t I?”

“No,” Christopher said quickly, almost angrily. “You don’t know what it’s like to be used in front of others, with no care for your feelings or comfort or pride. Like a thing.”

For a moment, Henry felt like he couldn’t breathe, then he said faintly, “Was that how I made you feel?”

Strangely, Christopher looked shocked at the question. “What?No, I mean—” He broke off and looked away, closing his eyes, his nostrils flaring as he fought to control himself.

“Skelton then,” Henry guessed aloud, and he knew by the shudder that passed through Christopher’s body that he was right.

He yearned to reach for Christopher, to pull his slight frame against his own larger body and embrace him, but he had no right to touch Christopher, not now, not ever.

When Christopher finally opened his eyes, he said, “This afternoon I was angry, Henry. I spoke rashly, said things I didn’t mean.” He sighed. “I don’t want to humiliate you in front of my patrons, not really. They may be discreet out in the world, but they gossip amongst themselves. And I don't—” He broke off.

“Yes?” Henry prompted gently when he did not finish.

“I don’t want to be a person who would do that, just because I can.”

Christopher reached for the champagne bottle and sloppily poured himself another glass, drinking half of it down before meeting Henry’s gaze again.

“I’m letting you off,” he said. “You made your point. You came here, prepared to do what I asked. Let’s leave it at that.”

Henry stared at him, unable to speak. Christopher’s generosity moved him more than he could say, but still, he felt oddly crushed. Grateful, yes, and relieved, but unmistakably, gut-wrenchingly disappointed.

He levered himself away from the wall, standing straight again and tried to smile, though it felt like feeble effort. “I daresay if I were in your shoes—” he began. He searched for the right words. “Well, let’s just say I can understand your reticence to allow me anywhere near you again.”

He went to turn away, but Christopher caught his sleeve. “Henry—”

He turned back and gazed at Christopher. At that once-beloved face, the generous, so-often-smiling mouth, the inquisitive green eyes that glinted with intelligence. Christopher looked a little harder now than before, yes, but he still had that deep-down goodness to him. Thatsweetnessthat had drawn Henry to him just as much as his undoubted beauty and sensuality.

Christopher had every reason to hate Henry, every reason to take the opportunity to humiliate him. Henry would have willingly let him do it.

But, no. It wasn’t in his nature.