Page 16

What if You Don’t

“I don’t know, man,” I say to my brother.

We’re in his weight room at the house he shares with Cassie and her kids, and it’s just the two of us.

The kids are at school, and Cassie’s working.

“I keep feeling this heat between us, but I’m not sure if it’s just because of my feelings for her or if there’s something more to it,” I say.

I finish my set of squats and set the weight bar back in the rack as I think about that look we shared after we toasted last night in my kitchen.

“Are you taking her to the SDSYS event at the end of the month?” he asks, referring to the San Diego Storm for Youth Sports charity event happening on a Saturday evening.

It includes dinner, live music, and an auction along with raffles and one-on-one experiences with pro football players for attendees.

“I RSVPed for one long before all this happened,” I say.

“If you’re doing the VIP experiences, I’m sure they’d be happy to amend that. Cass will be there and would love nothing more than to hear more embarrassing stories about me from high school,” he says.

I laugh. “Well, Sophie has plenty of those. ”

“And I know you when you’re around her, man. You seem…” He tilts his head as he trails off, and he squints at me a little. “I don’t know. Happier.”

“I am happier when she’s around.”

“I know. So are you finally going to tell her how you feel?” he asks.

I shake my head. “Fuck no. I’m not about to ruin the best thing in my life.”

“Your friendship?” he guesses.

I nod.

“But if you’re this happy just because she’s around, imagine if there was more. Imagine if she felt the same way,” he says.

“Look, I know you want everyone to be as crazy in love as you are, and that’s cool. But maybe it’s not meant for everyone.” I don’t believe the words as they come out of my mouth. I firmly believe that everyone deserves love.

I keep thinking eventually I’ll get over these feelings for Sophie. I’ve tried. I’ve dated women. I’ve tried to fall in love. I even got close once or twice, but ultimately if they couldn’t stand beside her on the pedestal she’s up on in my heart, then I knew it wasn’t right.

And nobody has ever even come close to standing beside her.

“Shoot your shot or move the fuck on,” Tanner says. He sets a barbell back into the rack.

“It’s not that simple.”

He sighs. “I know it’s not. I just hate seeing you stuck in neutral when you’ve been there for half your life, man.”

“I’ve tried to get over her, and I can’t.” My voice is flat as I take a seat on a weight bench.

Tanner comes and sits beside me, and he bumps my shoulder with his. “I know you have, bro. But don’t you think she’d be worth the risk? ”

“Not at the expense of our friendship.” I shrug.

“Dude, I’ve had some good friends in my life, but none I wouldn’t give up for Cassie.”

“So what if I take the shot and lose her forever?” I ask, staring straight ahead at the wall in front of me at a poster with Wayne Gretzky’s famous quote: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take .

“What if I fuck up our friendship and have to live with the regret when I could’ve just kept my mouth shut?

” I nod at the poster. “What if I take the shot and fail anyway?”

“What if you don’t?” he asks gently.

His question is ambiguous. I don’t know if he means if I don’t take the shot or if I don’t fail.

If I don’t take the shot, I’ll never know the answer. But if I take the shot and don’t fail…well, then I could have everything I’ve ever wanted.

I blow out a breath. “Fine. I’ll ask if she wants to go to the SDSYS thing with me.”

Tanner grins as he elbows me. “It’s a start.”

I guess it is.

When I get home, Sophie is typing aggressively on her keyboard as I walk into the kitchen.

“Damn, what did that thing do to you?” I ask, and she practically jumps out of her chair as her hand flies to her chest.

“Oh my God, you scared the shit out of me!” she says, and I chuckle.

“I’m sorry. You were really intense there.”

“Sometimes the words fly out as if by magic, and I’m writing a really angsty, juicy scene I’ve been waiting for,” she says, and her hair is pulled back in a messy bun, she’s in sweats with no makeup on her face, and her brown eyes look twice as large as usual behind her clear-framed glasses.

She’s as beautiful as ever .

“Don’t let me interrupt you,” I say. I grab a protein shake out of the fridge. “Need anything?”

“A break,” she admits. She taps a few keys and closes her laptop lid as she stretches her arms above her head. Her shirt rides up, and I catch a peek of her stomach.

I’m instantly hard.

It’s absolutely ridiculous.

It’s a tiny peek of her skin. It’s not even boob or side-boob.

It’s not ass. It’s certainly not pussy. But it’s a peek of something I don’t usually get to see, and I want that shirt to keep going, going, going until it’s off and she’s naked and writhing beneath me right there on the goddamn kitchen table.

I chug my protein shake. “What’s going on in the book?”

“No spoilers!” she protests, and I laugh.

“Not even for me?”

She shakes her head. “No one. Not even my editor.” She opens her laptop again, and she pulls up an email. “I got this invitation to an event in Vegas. I’ve always declined these things since I was keeping my identity hidden, but now that I’m sort of exposed…”

“You’re thinking about it?” I ask.

She nods.

“What kind of event?”

“There are around sixty authors, and we each get a table and can sell our books. All romance, and I’ve heard great things about it,” she says.

“When is it?”

“February of next year,” she says.

“That’s a long way off.”

She nods. “And I think by then I might even get up the nerve to admit the truth to my parents.”

My chest tightens at her words. If she tells her parents the truth, does that mean our fake engagement is off ?

Or was she serious when she told her ex that we were getting married?

“I, uh…have a question,” I begin.

She tilts her head at me as if to tell me to go ahead.

“Were you serious about what you told Tyler?”

“About what?” she asks.

“About getting married either right before or right after next season.”

She twists her lips. “I said it in the heat of the moment, and Miller, I couldn’t do that to you. You have your own life to live, and I don’t want to walk in and mess everything up.”

I clear my throat. “What if…uh…” I trail off as I try to figure out how to correctly frame this. “What if there were some advantages in it for me, too?”

“How would it be advantageous for you?” she asks.

Because I fucking love you! “There’s something to be said for wholesome football players who are in healthy marriages.

My brother and I have sort of been branded as playboys, but if the twins got married within a year of each other, we’d be opening our sponsorships to an entirely new audience.

Besides, if this helps you, then I’m all in.

You know that.” I sling my arm playfully around her.

She leans into me a little. “I do know that, and I can’t thank you enough. But marriage? It’s one thing to write about a marriage of convenience. It’s another thing to actually do it.”

“Can’t write about it if you haven’t experienced it.” I shrug.

“I have a book with a threesome, and I’ve never done that,” she points out. “And anal.”

I choke on something in the back of my throat. “You’ve never done anal?”

“You have?” she asks, her brows pinching together.

“Hasn’t everybody?”

“No! ”

“Well, if you need my help with a marriage of convenience or anal or anything else…”

She smacks me on the arm, but I swear I catch another glimpse of heat.

Anal with Sophie?

Welp, now I’m hard again. Or still. Maybe always and forever around her.

Before I lose my nerve, I ask the question. “Oh! Do you want to make a public appearance with me at the end of the month?” And have anal sex afterward? Or vaginal. I’m not picky.

“Where?”

“It’s a charity ball and a chance to show off my fiancée.”

“I’d love to. Is it black tie?”

I nod.

“Mm, Miller Banks in a tux. I’m definitely in. Haven’t seen that since prom.”

I laugh. “Well, get ready for a treat.”

As it turns out, I think I’m in for a treat, too.