Page 27 of Rejected Heart (The Westwoods #5)

LIAM

I didn’t drink to get drunk.

In fact, I rarely drank alcohol as it was. Sure, I had the occasional beer if I was spending time with my brothers while doing something like fishing at the lake house. Or I might get a drink if I was celebrating at a wedding, family function, or some other special occasion.

But consuming alcohol, having a drink, had never been more than a social thing for me.

Even after Layla had rejected my proposal, I hadn’t had a sip. Of course, I was underage at the time and hadn’t realized just how powerful the effects of it could be, but it was probably for the best, especially if the last few days had been anything to go by.

And while I still wasn’t drinking to get drunk—I could remember everything that happened when I woke the following morning—I certainly found myself drinking a bit more than usual.

I was doing it on my own, too .

There weren’t any celebrations or social gatherings that warranted alcohol consumption.

It was merely me being a guy who needed to have just enough to numb the pain and ease the burden of the memories that were now haunting me ever since I saw Layla again.

All day, every day.

No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

I’d been working extra hours, starting earlier and working later, and it still wasn’t enough.

As I moved throughout the amusement park, handling one job before heading to the next, images of Layla flashed in my mind.

Her voice sounded in my ears. Every memory I could recall resurfaced and had me on the verge of losing control.

I thought I’d been doing okay. It had taken me a long time to get where I had, but I had managed to reach a point where I could make it through the days without wanting to break down.

Not anymore.

Not after being so close to her so recently.

And that was what left me feeling unsure about this whole thing.

Because now there were questions. I wasn’t quite sure if I would have preferred to never see her again, if what had happened when I did was how it had gone down. Would it have been better to never know that she’d arrived back in Landing?

I was such a mix of emotions over it. There was that one part of me that felt like I could breathe again when I’d been standing in front of her. But there was the other part that knew I was setting myself up for disaster.

That encounter had been nothing short of a catastrophe. Of all the memories I’d recalled over the last couple of days of my time with Layla, it was what happened that day in the store that hit me the most often. It hit the hardest, too.

It had been all wrong.

The things I said to her, and the way she looked at me.

I didn’t see the longing and adoration. I didn’t feel the love. I wasn’t even sure I could sense any remorse.

Then again, the way I’d treated her might have had something to do with that.

Even though I felt tremendous guilt about how I’d handled her and that situation, I hadn’t been able to bring myself to seek her out again since I walked out of that store.

It was mostly self-preservation at this point, though.

Because if I went after her, if I made another attempt to see and talk to her, I didn’t trust that I’d be able to walk away from her again.

That pull to her was much too strong. And considering Layla clearly wanted nothing to do with me, I refused to make a fool of myself for the second time.

I lifted the glass to my lips and took a sip, savoring the burn of the liquid as it went down my throat.

Anything.

I’d take anything I could get to distract me from the pain of feeling like I’d lost Layla all over again, of knowing she was so close, and I still couldn’t have her.

I could only hope the suffering would end soon. Because I wasn’t sure this was an excellent long-term solution.

Whether by pure luck or through some divine intervention, I didn’t know, but it seemed that my wish was about to be answered.

“Is this seat taken?”

Maybe the alcohol was getting to me, because it sounded like Layla had walked up and asked that question. Maybe that was going to be my punishment—I’d have to hear her voice whenever someone spoke to me.

I twisted my neck to the side, prepared to offer an answer to whomever had approached me, and couldn’t say a single word.

It was her.

Standing there, with uncertainty marring her beautiful features, was Layla. She was wearing a soft cotton dress, perfect for being in the hot summer sun. It might have been after dinner, but the sun was still out, and the evenings were warm.

Damn, she was pretty. Even if I wanted to lay into her for doing what she’d done to us, even if I hated how she’d ended things, I could still admit there’d never been anyone who could hold a candle to her looks. Not for me, anyway.

What was she doing here?

Suddenly, I noticed the weakness I felt in my legs. Was that a result of the drinks I’d had, or was it seeing her?

My heart was racing, which was something I’d grown accustomed to when it came to her. She’d always made my heart beat faster.

I hated this.

I hated feeling like I was still so caught up in her and how I felt for her while being reasonably confident that none of it was reciprocated.

And it was those emotions that left a hint of bitterness coursing through me.

I had to clench my jaw to stop myself from saying something I might regret later.

For her part, Layla seemed to be lacking just a touch of confidence about whether approaching me had been a wise decision. She was running her fingers through a lock of her hair that had fallen over the front of her shoulder, and I couldn’t miss how she was biting the edge of her lip.

“May I sit down, Liam?”

Her voice was so soft and sweet. God, I’d missed hearing her say my name.

I needed a moment to get myself together before I could speak, so I merely gave her a nod in response.

“Thank you,” she whispered with relief.

The scent of her surrounded me, and it was all I could do not reach out and drag her into my lap. As I fought that battle, I was grateful the bartender had walked up and asked what he could get her to drink.

After he’d placed her drink down in front of her, I looked up at him. “I’ll take another, Steve.”

“You’ve got it, Liam. ”

Once I had my third drink in hand, I dared to look at Layla again.

Her remorseful eyes were on me. “I didn’t know you were going to be here,” she confessed.

“Jules had invited me to come see her bakery, and after visiting with her, she mentioned I should come by to see Ivy. I was just at the front desk, and they told me your sister was in the ballroom but would be down here to meet me soon.”

“And here I thought I got lucky for once. How stupid am I to believe you came looking for me?” The harsh words and cutting tone spilled out of me before I had a chance to contain them.

Layla winced, her shoulders rounding in a way that made it seem as though she’d been socked in the abdomen.

When she recovered, she shared, “I know it may not seem this way to you, but I’m sorry about how things went down between us the other day.

I was caught off guard when you walked into the store, and after not seeing you for the last eight years, it was a lot to take in. ”

And there was just another apology to add to the list.

I lifted the glass to my lips and swallowed down more than was reasonable. Anger raged inside me.

All these apologies and not a single explanation.

“It was just as difficult for me to learn you were back in town,” I muttered.

“Liam, I?—”

“What, Layla? What do you want to say?”

Tears filled her eyes. Even after all the hurt and devastation she’d caused, it killed me to see them .

“You’re so angry with me.” Her voice was ragged, like I’d scraped knives down her throat.

For several beats, I stared at her, feeling dumbfounded. Did she think it was possible to feel happy? Did she think I could pretend it hadn’t happened? Was she na?ve enough to believe that stupid saying about time healing all wounds?

It didn’t.

I’d been bleeding since the day she left.

Regardless of the efforts my family and friends made to staunch it, some wounds would never heal. And while the people who loved me had helped to ease some of the pain, to stop the damage from being so severe, Layla showing up had ripped those gashes in my heart wide open again.

I spent so much time trying to figure out where her mind could possibly be to think it was wrong for me to feel angry, Layla took the opportunity to speak again.

“You’ve never spoken to me like this. I haven’t made all the best decisions in the world. Trust me, I know I’ve made huge mistakes, but you’re not the man I remember.”

I was dizzy with rage.

She didn’t get it. How could she not understand?

Turning my body slightly toward her, my hand flew to the center of my chest. “You broke my heart, Layla. You left me without any explanation. I don’t know what lies you’ve been telling yourself all these years, but what you did wasn’t just a mistake. You destroyed me.”

My throat grew painfully tight. It felt like I was pleading with her to understand, to grasp some small sense of the damage she’d done.

“I’ve had to try to navigate the last eight years of my life without the one person I always thought would be there. Can you grasp how incredibly difficult that has been for me?”

Layla swiped at a rogue tear that had escaped.

“I never wanted to hurt you, Liam. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, and I understood it would take time to get over it, but I never meant to inflict this level of pain on you.

I messed up. I was screwed up in my head back then.

I still am. But I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you. I left because I did. I still do.”

No.

No, she couldn’t sit here and claim to love me after she’d ripped my heart from my chest and left a wasteland in its place.

Everything ached. My chest, my throat, my limbs. The ache was a mix of pain and longing. I wanted her.

I wanted all of it.

Even knowing it was bound to destroy me again, I’d reach out to have just one more opportunity to have it all.

“I’ve missed you every day since you left.”

Layla’s fingernails dug into the skin on her thighs as I shared the reality of what I’d endured.

“I’ve missed all of it. I’ve missed holding you, kissing you, smelling you.

I’ve missed laughing with you and feeling your hands on my skin.

And I’ve stopped dreaming. I’ve stopped wishing for some perfect future because it no longer exists.

Not without you. You took all of that away from me, Layla. ”

Another tear rolled down her cheek, but she didn’t wipe it away. It made it to her jaw and dripped down onto her dress.

“I’m so sorry for what I did, Liam.”

There it was again.

An apology.

I closed my eyes and attempted to adapt to the heaviness in my limbs and that weight in my chest.

Words.

Just words.

Layla could keep apologizing, but it was her actions that had shown me how she really felt.

“You could have fooled me. You keep saying you’re sorry, but it doesn’t mean anything.

I’m only hearing words. Meaningless words.

Being sorry would have meant coming back and actually seeking me out.

Being sorry would have been offering an explanation.

Being sorry would have been taking action to fix what you’d done. ”

She lowered her chin to her chest, her eyes dropping to her lap in defeat. Did she merely feel more remorse and want to offer up another apology, or was she realizing how wrong she’d been?

I took the opportunity to lift my glass to my lips again, swallowing down more alcohol to numb the pain. My eyes roamed over her. Over the flawless skin and soft hair. Over her bare legs and exposed shoulders.

Layla was right there .

She was so close.

My fingers itched to touch her. My arms ached to hold her. And my lips yearned to kiss her.

“I don’t even know if I remember,” I said.

Layla looked up at me with confusion in her expression. “Remember what?”

“All these years, whenever I thought about it, I was certain I could remember. But now that you’re sitting here beside me, I’m not so sure that’s the case.

I don’t think I remember what it’s like to kiss you.

To feel your lips against mine as the rest of the world melts away around us.

Now that I’m realizing that, I wish I would have known the last time I kissed you was going to be the final time.

I might have paid more attention. I would have made sure I didn’t stand a chance of forgetting what it was like to kiss you. ”

Layla’s hands shot out and framed my face. She leaned toward me and crushed her lips to mine.

It happened so fast; I didn’t have the chance to register what was happening until she was already there.

I should have pushed her away. I should have stopped it.

But I couldn’t.

I wouldn’t.

I’d been craving her for years.

So, I reached out, placed my hands on her hips, and urged her off the stool. Layla willingly came, and with her body positioned close to me, I paid attention.

I committed the softness of her lips and the firm hold of her hands on my head to memory. I relished the taste of her mouth and the scent of her skin.

My fingertips bit into her sides, and when a moan tore up her throat, Layla separated her mouth from mine.

We stayed like that, our breathing heavy and our eyes locked on one another. Nothing else existed but her. Us.

And something told me this was dangerous, that I was flirting with something that had the power to obliterate me. But it didn’t matter.

Staring into those beautiful amber eyes, the possibility of peril didn’t exist.

I loved her.

After all these years and all this heartbreak, I was still madly in love with this woman.

Without taking my eyes off hers, I reached into my pocket, pulled out some cash, and tossed it on the bar for Steve.

Then I stood, took Layla by the hand, and led her out of the bar.