Page 98 of Reflex

“It was stupid and dangerous.”

“And how old were you.Seventeen.Eighteen?”

“That’s irrelevant.”

“You’re not a boy anymore.Don’t turn away.Look at me.Spook, I’m not going to ask you to break any bones.I might want to know what it’s like being hit by a flogger or a cane at some point, and I accept that with my fair skin, that’ll probably result in marks.No one else needs to see them.Whatever we do with one another in bed or out of it is nobody else’s business.Nobody’s.Am I clear?”

He didn’t answer her.

“Spook, am I clear?”

“I hear you.Yes.”

“That’s not quite the same thing.”

“It’s nobody else’s fucking business,” he parroted, still not sounding remotely convinced.

Alle pulled him back down into the mattress and curled around him, so they were like two snuggling apostrophes.“Thank you for telling me.”She kissed the warm skin on the back of his neck.“I understand a little better now why you’re so cautious.”

“I feel like I’m on the edge of a high cliff.It’s tempting to believe the Hollywood hype that if we jump we’ll surface and swim to the shore.The beach will be perfect, our pasts outrun.Whereas the reality of such a leap isn’t usually so rosy in its outcome.

“So let’s not jump off any cliffs.We can climb down carefully roped together.”

He smiled and gave her a tighter squeeze.“Says the infamously patient woman.”

“I can be.And I will try.”

“Right.”

“I will.”

He grinned again.“Okay.”

She lay with her head against his shoulder for a while.“Can I ask you something seriously tangential?”

“Go on.”

“Do you consider blood dirty?”

“Huh?”

“Sorry.Um, my last boyfriend was… I dunno, squeamish.He wouldn’t….What I’m trying to ask is; do you fuck when your partner’s menstruating?Or I guess I mean, have you?Would you?Don’t answer if you don’t want to.”

“Where did that come from?”

“Cliffs.Falling.It made me think of blood, and hence…”

Spook sighed.“Fair enough.Okay.Yes.I do.Or rather, I would.If we were actually—”

“Fucking,” she finished for him.“I’m glad you’re not squeamish.I get so horny at that time of the month.”

He rolled over and kissed her on the nose.“You think I’m not squeamish.”

“I think you’re a mess of contradictions.That you’re hellish sexy when you allow yourself to be, and simultaneously a total screw up.I think you’re a good man, kind, loyal, loving, but you fetishize a few things that aren’t so light and fluffy.And that’s okay.There’s light and dark in all of us.”

Spook blinked slowly.“Maybe.”

“Definitely,” Alle insisted.“Nobody’s perfect.”