Page 39 of Red Card (Prescott University #1)

Cillian

I should be used to change by now.

The last two years of my life had been nothing but temporary. In fact, the only thing that remained constant was that no matter how much I wished for things to be different everything would inevitably change.

It’s how I view being here in America. Temporary until I could get both Aisling and myself back to Europe.

My spot on the team at Prescott… Temporary. A stop along the way till I could be back in London playing in Gallagher Premiership.

Except everything had changed between Rory and me in the past few weeks and it has knocked the fucking breath out of me because despite my familiarity with change, I didn’t expect it.

It snuck up on me and once I realized what was happening, it was too late.

From the moment we started our arrangement, we said it was temporary . Only it doesn’t feel that way anymore. It feels like something more, something that I can’t just walk away from, and it terrifies the fuck out of me.

Maybe it had been changing since the moment that I met her, but I didn’t realize it until recently.

Maybe it’s always been something more and I was too stupid to realize it.

If there’s anything that I’ve learned since Mum died, it’s that running away from problems and things that scare me isn’t the solution. It makes it worse.

Rory’s the one thing I don’t want to get wrong.

I might not feel like I deserve her, or can be the good guy that she deserves, but that doesn’t mean I’m willing to give her up.

“Ugh, this is so good,” she moans around a mouthful of lo mein as she sets the chopsticks back in the container. “I haven’t eaten anything today.”

I glare at her, ignoring the pouty lips she’s giving me, as bloody cute as it is. “You have to eat, St. James. Yes, even when you’ve got class all day. Shall I start packing you a lunch?”

She scowls at me. “No. I’m going to get better about it. But for now I just want to enjoy my lo mein in peace.”

We’re sitting against the headboard in her bed, eating Chinese takeout and half arse watching a film on the TV. Thank fuck, not a horror because I’ve seen enough in the past month to last a lifetime.

Last night was the first night we’ve spent away from each other in… a while. After dinner at Coach’s, she stayed over and had a movie night with him because she’s been feeling guilty about how little she’s seen of her dad lately.

Mostly my fault.

But it gave me time to try to sort through the shit in my head, or at least try to.

“I want to talk to you about something,” I say, glancing over at her.

Her brows pinch together. “What’s going on?”

I’m fucking nervous. I can’t remember the last time my heart beat so fast. I think I’ve gone a bit soft for her, and I can’t help it.

I set the takeout container on her nightstand and then turn to face her.

“Shit, I don’t know how to do this, Rory,” I admit, dragging my palm over my face.

“Do what exactly?”

I swallow. “I don’t want to hook up anymore.”

Panic moves over her face, and her eyes widen as she says, “W-what?”

Shit.

“No, no, baby. Fuck, I’m already making a mess of this.

I’m bloody falling for you, Rory, and I’m fucking scared.

I’m scared I’ll fuck this up. And I’m scared that I don’t deserve you and that no matter what I do to change that, I don’t know if I ever will.

I know this was supposed to be casually hooking up, but it’s not for me anymore.

” The words rush out of me, and truthfully, they feel good to get off my chest. “I’m crazy about you.

I can’t stop thinking about you; I hate being away from you.

It just… everything feels better when I’m with you.

I feel like there’s not a huge hole in my chest.”

For a second, she’s completely quiet, her expression unreadable.

Those seconds seem to stretch palpably, each one three times as long as the last.

Then she puts her takeout on the nightstand and launches herself into my lap, straddling my hips.

“I feel the same way. I wanted to talk to you about it yesterday at my dad’s, but I was afraid that maybe it was just me feeling things, and not you.

I’m glad that it’s not because I’m really falling for you.

And I’ve never actually been in a relationship so I’m not sure, but it kind of just seems like this is what it would be like if we were in one? No different?”

I nod.

We eat dinner together, study together, shower together, fuck, we do most things together now all under the guise of it being casual.

Maybe it was at first. But it feels anything but casual now, and I can’t pinpoint when exactly it was nothing but casual.

All I know is that I haven’t looked at another girl since we started our arrangement.

I have no desire to.

“It’s not easy for me to… open up. But I’m trying,” I admit. “Everything in my life feels temporary, and I don’t want this—us—to be temporary.”

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise you. I’m right here.” She reaches up and cups my jaw, her warm eyes softening. “It’s okay to be vulnerable, Cillian. Being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak.”

Her words wash over me, and my eyes drop shut as I swallow.

This feels like the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Everyone I’ve ever loved or cared about has left. My mum fucking died. The person I loved more than anything in the world.

And now I’m afraid I’m too broken to love. To let anyone else in.

“I’m going to try, Rory. That’s all I can promise you, that I’ll give it every fucking thing I have, okay?

” I lean in, brushing my lips across hers.

Needing the contact like I need air. “I don’t know how this is going to work, or what happens next.

I just know that I want you, and I’m too selfish to let you go. ”

She leans in, dropping her forehead against mine. “We don’t have to have all the answers right now. We’ll figure it out. I don’t know, maybe once the season’s over?”

My throat tightens.

“Your dad…”

Rory nods. “ I will handle my dad. Later. I don’t think he’s going to have an issue with us being together, but things have just started to come together for you guys on the pitch.

I don’t want to hinder that in any way. With the guys, or with my dad.

You’ve come too far. I think we just wait until the time is right, and then we’ll figure it out.

I’m happy with us knowing how we feel, and that we’re together…

everyone else can find out when they find out.

It’s about me and you, Cillian, not them. ”

“As long as you’re mine, the rest doesn’t matter.” I lift a hand and tuck her hair behind her ear.

“Cillian…” Her voice cracks, emotion flickering in her eyes.

And then she leans forward, slamming her lips on mine, whimpering against my mouth as I sweep my tongue through her parted lips, desperate to show her that all that fucking matters to me is that she’s mine .

Whatever that means, whatever the future holds or doesn’t hold, I just want Rory.

I slip my hands beneath the T-shirt of mine she’s wearing and gently pull it up and over her head, tossing it off the bed. As much as I love seeing her wear my clothes, I need it off.

I need to feel her right now. With nothing separating us.

She yanks at my T-shirt, a new sense of frantic desperation crackling in the air between us as we manage to get it off, only breaking the kiss to pull it over my head.

I lean forward and plant soft, lingering kisses along the swell of her tits, dragging my lips down the center of her chest before moving to capture her rosy nipple between my lips.

Fuck, she tastes so damn good. The sweetest forbidden fruit.

I want to slow this down, savor every second I have with her.

She’s mine.

I take my time giving each nipple attention, sucking it into my mouth and rolling it, alternating pressure until she’s writhing above me. I scrape my teeth gently along the peak, watching her shiver from the sensation, followed by rough tugs that have her hips rocking against my erection.

“Cillian, God…” she moans as her head falls back on her shoulders, and she pushes her tits toward my mouth. “You feel so good.”

Her hand snakes between us, dipping past the waistband of my briefs and wrapping around my cock. I suck in a sharp hiss, dropping my forehead to the space between her tits.

She strokes me from base to tip, slowly, squeezing just the way that I like it.

Making me forget about going slow and taking my time.

My groan vibrates against her pink, flushed skin. “Fucking Christ, baby. I’m going to come before I ever get inside of you.”

I raise my head to stare at her, seeing her brown eyes wide, pupils dilated, and heavy lidded. “Get inside of me then, please. I can’t wait.”

“You make me fucking crazy,” I murmur against her lips.

She giggles softly as she lets go of my cock and tries to tug my briefs down. I lift my hips and help her pull them down enough to free it.

My fingers move to the front of the damp lace covering her pussy, and rub slow, firm circles on her clit.

I love watching her, the way she gives herself over to me so freely, letting me give her pleasure.

Her plump pink lips part and her eyes flutter shut as her fingers curl around my shoulders, holding on tightly.

There’s a slight bite of pain where her nails carve half-moon shapes into my skin while she grips my shoulders, bucking her hips against my fingers.

I’m bloody obsessed with her.

Hooking my fingers on her panties, I drag them to the side, exposing the prettiest pink pussy I’ve ever seen. She’s glistening in the dim light, already soaked and ready for my cock.

My mouth waters at the sight of her. I want to suck on her clit, and taste her, but I can’t wait to be inside her.

Later, I’ll have my fill, eating her until she comes on my tongue.

Rory rises on her knees as I line my cock up with her entrance. She’s so wet that she’s nearly dripping, and that’s when I realize I didn’t get a condom.

“Fuck.”

She pauses, lifting her gaze to me. “What?”

“Forgot the condom.”

“Oh,” she whispers. “If you… If you want to go without one, that’s okay. I’m on birth control and I’ve been… tested.”

My throat tightens. “I’ve never been bare before.”

“Me neither.”

Fuck, I can’t even imagine what it would feel like for her wet heat to clench around my naked cock.

“I’m clear. I’m tested for the team. Are you sure, baby?”

She nods wordlessly, holding my gaze as she sinks down slowly, inch by inch until I’m buried to the hilt inside her.

A strangled, stuttering breath wheezes out of me, and my hands fly to her hips, holding her in place. I squeeze my eyes shut as my fingers dig into the soft flesh at her hips. “Need a second.”

It’s never been this way before.

I’ve never felt so out of control, so lost in another person like this.

This is what Rory does to me. She’s in my head, surrounding every goddamn thought.

After a moment, I lift her, guiding her slowly up on my cock, then I thrust up, causing us both to groan together.

My lips close around her nipple, tugging it roughly between my lips when she lifts onto her knees and begins to ride me. Those perky, full tits sway as she bounces on my cock.

“That’s it, baby, fuck me,” I say. “That’s my girl.”

I let her take her pleasure, carrying us both closer to climax. The closer she gets, her movements become choppier, her hips frantically rocking as she chases her orgasm. My gaze drops to where she’s stretched around my cock, watching it slide in and out of her.

I fucking love it. Possessiveness swells inside me knowing that she’s mine.

Mine.

“I’m… I’m about to… come,” she pants.

My hands slide beneath her ass as I lift her, then thrust up roughly, fucking her so hard her entire body trembles.

My balls begin to tighten, and I know I’m seconds away from coming.

I bring my thumb to her clit, and it takes only one rough circle of my finger for her to fall apart. She tightens around me at the same time as I plant my cock deep and come, my climax ripping through me so violently that I swear I nearly black out.

I rock her slowly back and forth until I’ve emptied every drop of my cum inside her. And even then, it feels like I could go for more.

She collapses in a sated heap on my chest, both of us breathing heavily. I bring my hand to her hair, stroking the soft strands, and we stay like that for so long that I’ve already softened inside her.

And it’s at this moment, when I have her in my arms, her ear pressed to my chest listening to the erratic beat of my heart, that I realize I’m never going to give her up.

I’m in too deep.