Page 139 of Reckless Hearts

“Listen, it’s been a long day, and it’s late here. I gotta go,” he says.

I blow out a breath. “Okay.”

Marcus has never played the time zone card on me before.

Shit. I should have known this conversation wouldn’t end well.

What does it say about our relationship, the fact I’m scared to talk to him about important things like this? I’m fearful things will unfold exactly as they just have, with Marcus shutting downand pushing me away. It’s like trying to approach a wounded animal—one wrong move, and he retreats to lick his wounds alone.

How can I convince Marcus that he’s worthy of love and healing when he won’t even let me try?

I can’t stop thinkingabout it.

Doubt has entered my head, and I can’t get rid of it. It’s grown roots in my mind, spreading like poison ivy through every thought about Marcus.

One night after soccer practice, the guys get into a discussion about relationships.

It starts off hassling Tim and Jamie for being so obvious about sneaking off early so they can screw each other’s brains out, and morphs into a discussion about who in the group wants to be in a relationship. Scott declares he’s not the relationship type and never will be.

“What about you, Seb?” Declan asks. “Are you the relationship type?”

His words remind me of what Marcus told me back in the beginning, in Queenstown. How I was the most boyfriend type of guy he knew.

Am I still like that? I mean, I’ve managed to entice the most reluctant man possible into a relationship with me.

But just because I’m in a relationship with Marcus doesn’t mean everything is roses and daffodils. It doesn’t erase the challenges of loving someone who struggles to love themselves.

It currently feels like I’m walking a tightrope between pushing Marcus to get help and pushing him away entirely.

I suddenly realize all the guys are waiting for me to answer Declan’s question.

“Maybe,” I say finally. “It depends on how healthy the relationship is.”

“I want a relationship that’s healthier than a green salad,” Declan says.

“Yeah, you might want to leave that description off your Grindr profile,” Scott says. “Not sure guys are looking to be compared to lettuce.”

“And on that note, I think we’ll head off.” Jamie stands, giving Tim a meaningful look.

Declan smirks at them. “Enjoy playing with cucumbers and tomatoes.”

“Fuck, there are some places you just shouldn’t go, Declan,” Jamie replies. Tim’s laughing as he follows Jamie out of the pub.

I watch them go, and it’s hard to tamp down the jealousy. Tim and Jamie’s relationship seems as natural as breathing.

Being with Marcus often feels like I’m holding my breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Meanwhile, Felix, the new guy Jared has brought along, decides to continue the sexual innuendos around vegetables.

“You know what they say about guys who like big zucchinis…” he says with a twinkle in his eye. With his slight build and shock of platinum hair, Felix could easily pass for a teen heartthrob. But his face is like a canvas split in two, one side flawless and beautiful, the other marked by angry red scars that curl from his temple to his jaw.

“What do they say?” Jared asks indulgently.

Felix throws him a cheeky grin. “That they’ve got very ambitious meal plans.”

“Maybe guys with ambitious meal plans should just start with baby carrots and work their way up?” Jared says, and Felix laughs loudly.

My breath catches at the look in Jared’s eye as he watches Felix laugh. Because it’s obvious Jared finds both sides of Felix’s face beautiful.