Page 11 of Reality With You (Arden Beach #1)

“I know you’ve been punched in the gut,” Erin said, “and life keeps throwing you curveballs. But Lennon, you’re more than enough.

Your music inspired them to sign you out of the thousands of other artists vying for a record deal.

You know better than anyone how fucking hard that is.

Who knows what changed? It’s a business.

I’ve seen it enough in baseball to know so many variables go into those decisions, most of which have nothing to do with the players themselves.

To let one small group of men sitting in a board room determine your worthiness as an artist—at the thing you love doing more than anything else—would be an enormous loss to this world.

“You make music because you were made to, not just to help a bunch of people in suits make more money. Don’t ever tie up your value in other people’s opinions, especially ones who look at you and the magic you’re creating from your heart as a disposable product. OK?”

Lennon smiled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for her best friend.

They had bonded over being the only two little girls at the Tidebreakers’ stadium during spring training when Lennon’s mom worked in the office.

After Lennon’s divorce, she’d moved in with Erin for a few months until she couldn’t take all the reminders of Dylan everywhere and needed a change.

She moved to New York City to study music, while Erin stayed in Arden Beach to study to become a sports physical therapist.

Being so far away from Erin had been one of the hardest parts of living in New York. She was the only family Lennon had left after going no contact with her mother.

“OK,” Lennon mumbled through a stuffy nose, nodding. She wiped her tears with the heels of her palms.

“Why don’t you try producing your own record?”

Lennon sighed. “I’ve thought about it. But it’s so damn expensive.

Renting the studio space, hiring engineers to make sure it sounds professional.

And then, I have the marketing issue. I don’t have the capital to sink into something I’m not guaranteed will make back the investment.

I’m still paying off student loans. And now, I’m out of a job for at least a month.

” A humorless laugh slipped out of her, gargled by her congested nose.

“If you need help, you know I’m here,” Erin told her. As Lennon opened her mouth to respond, she added, “And don’t you dare say you don’t want to be a burden. You aren’t. You’re my best friend. You’d do the same for me.”

Lennon snapped her mouth shut into a strained smile, her shame warring with how touched she was by Erin’s generosity.

“Thanks, Erin. Hopefully, it won’t come to that, but I appreciate it …

a lot.” She rubbed between her eyes where a screw was twisting deep within.

“To answer your earlier question—I guess I’ll spend the day looking for a new job.

Or I could just go on Avery’s reality show,” she remarked wryly.

“What?” Erin scrunched her brow as she reached for something off-camera, hand returning with some sort of green beverage in a tall, skinny glass. She took a sip from the metal straw.

Lennon grimaced at whatever was in the glass, then filled her in.

“It was nice of her to offer, but can you imagine me on a reality show?” She picked up the phone and carried Erin over to the twin-sized bed parallel to the wall.

She plopped down with a squeak of the mattress, pulling her knees up to prop up the phone.

Erin shrugged, popping her lips off the straw. “Why not?”

“Because it’s … not me. I don’t know, I wouldn’t …” Lennon paused, picturing the glamorous lifestyle and fashion guru Avery, as well as the other guests at dinner. “Fit in.”

“Won’t that work in your favor? The whole point is to stand out, so you don’t get lost in the noise.”

Lennon stared at Erin, who casually set down her drink and began cleaning up her meal prep supplies.

She put lids on the colorful containers and dropped used utensils in the sink as if she hadn’t just said something that flipped Lennon’s world on its head.

Nerves bundled in Lennon’s stomach, her deepest fears laid bare.

“Does it make you uncomfortable because you won’t be able to hide behind your music?” Erin asked.

Lennon made a disgusted expression, raising her free hand in a stop gesture. “OK, Erin. Stop attacking me with truths I don’t want to hear.”

“You need a job, right? It would solve that problem and maybe even pay enough for you to produce your album,” Erin said, ignoring Lennon’s internal crisis.

She held up a finger as she leaned into the other hand on the marble counter.

“The show’s in the entertainment industry, which is a step closer to where you want to be.

” Another finger joined the first. “It would solve your social media following issue by giving you exposure to a large audience. And—” Digits three and four went up.

“You’d be back in Arden Beach with me for a while. ” A pleased smile twinkled on her face.

“You’re not even in Arden Beach half the time,” Lennon pointed out, though Erin’s reasoning had begun tipping things in her brain.

“With the way the Tidebreakers are playing this season, I probably will be soon.”

Lennon had avoided the baseball world since her divorce, but it was surprising to hear the team was struggling this early in the season.

They usually dominated the season and only struggled in the postseason.

Had the accident thrown the whole team off?

Erin had told her that, besides Dylan being suspended, two other strong players were also cut from the team.

Dylan must be riddled with guilt.

“Sometimes, we look in the wrong places for the things we want,” Erin said, pulling Lennon back to their conversation.

“We can get so caught up in thinking it has to happen one specific way that we miss opportunities that could lead us where we’re meant to be.

Especially when those paths are outside our comfort zone.

” She washed her hands at the sink, her wispy bangs hiding her eyes as the camera caught her profile, but Lennon sensed the wistfulness in her tone.

“Are we talking about me still?” Lennon asked.

Erin slanted a stern look at the camera. “Don’t deflect.” As Erin shut off the water and dried her hands, Lennon made a mental note to circle back to that at some point. “Are you afraid of coming back here, too? Of seeing … certain people.”

Lennon pulled in a long inhale, dropping her head back against the wall as she stared up at the popcorn ceiling.

She eyed the old water stains she’d memorized.

“My mom’s living in Sarasota, so I don’t think I’d run into her.

” She chewed on her lip as Erin waited, both of them knowing Katherine Young wasn’t the only person included in that question.

“But yes,” Lennon finally answered quietly after a long beat, releasing a deep exhale. “That whole city is him. Us.”

“Maybe it’s time to make new memories. It’s your city, too.” Erin softly smiled. “Just give it some thought. Go with your heart.”

“My heart doesn’t have a great track record for making decisions.”

“Letting your heart lead is who you are. It’s one of the things I admire most about you.”

The sincerity in Erin’s voice touched Lennon.

“What if they have been the right plays and it’s too early in the game to tell how it’s all going to shake out?”

“God, you’re such a baseball nerd,” Lennon lovingly chided.

“What can I say … the metaphors work.” Erin shrugged. “And don’t talk shit about my best friend ever again. I’ll have to come kick your ass.”

“I’ll keep it to myself next time, then,” Lennon said. Erin picked up her phone and smacked the camera with her hand, making Lennon laugh. “OK, OK. Sorry .”

“Apology accepted.” Erin kept hold of the phone, leaning back against the counter. “Here’s another cheesy baseball metaphor for you—you’re only a few innings in, babe. Don’t count your losses yet. You may end up with a home run you didn’t even see coming.”

“From your lips to the music gods’ ears.”

After a long day of video chatting with Erin, which included a movie musical double feature of their favorites, Grease (Lennon’s) and Mamma Mia!

(Erin’s), they finally signed off when her best friend’s eyelids began to droop around 9:30 in the evening.

Lennon slipped out to use the bathroom down the hall.

When she returned to her apartment, the emptiness of it hit her like a punch to the chest. She hadn’t had a chance to fully sit uninterrupted with her emotions since the meeting with the record label.

Now, in the stillness of her dark, quiet apartment, her heartache stretched its limbs.

She pressed back against the door, sliding to the floor. As the blue glow of the television she’d left on a rerun of Friends flickered across her slumped figure, she let the tears flow and slip down her cheeks. Let her lungs burn and throat turn raw.

Lennon let herself grieve.

Her twenty-sixth birthday was six months away, and she was on track to be in the same place she was last year. And the four years before that. Same circumstances, same job, same apartment. No further ahead in life.

What if the reality show didn’t work out either?

What if it did?

Her mother’s presence loomed, casting scrupulous eyes on her.

Lennon was confident—because she’d told her as much —that if Katherine Young could change one thing about her daughter, it would be for her to make safe, measured, low-risk life decisions every step of the way.

“Life doesn’t favor the bold. It makes a joke of them,” Katherine warned Lennon when she asked permission to audition for the eighth-grade talent show. “Do you want to be a joke, Lennon?”

What if her mother wasn’t the only one who would think of her as a joke after exposing herself on a reality show?

Lennon was typically a dive-in-first, ask-questions-later type, fueled by the thrill of adventure.

This was one of the few times fear made her pause rather than punch the gas.

Her string of failures had her questioning herself.

And going back home would be even more complicated than leaving had been.

But what other choice did she have?

The bills would keep coming. Time would keep ticking on. If she’d learned one thing while living on her own the past six years, it was that if she wanted to survive, she had to keep moving. The least she could do was explore her options.

Before Lennon talked herself out of it, she slipped her phone from the pocket of her sweats and wiped her tears with her shirt as she found Avery’s name in her contacts.

Lennon: Hey Avery, it’s Lennon. It was great seeing you last night. Can you send me the info for that reality show?